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what's up everybody it's critical today

I was googling [ __ ] just trying to learn

some new things and I came across this

vici how article on how to stop children

from masturbating in public I don't have

a kid or anything but I still thought

this was valuable information so I

figured we could all learn here today

together who knows this might even be

the origin story to the next big

superhero the [ __ ] new x-men member

the master Binet der the only man

capable of stopping children from

jerking it and Toys R Us and you know

the newest member of the Avengers I'm

sure so let's go ahead and just read

this article here and figure out how we

can stop this from happening step one

allow your child some privacy and

independence everyone needs time alone

children included in this kind of

private time is when masturbation is

generally appropriate however if they

decide to masturbate right in front of

you see next step what is next step put

them up for adoption

that's some [ __ ] nefarious [ __ ] right

there if your kid just starts

masturbating in front of you just at the

dinner table hold on a second mom yeses

and great mashed potatoes stands up and

starts beating his meat yeah what's up

dad how was work today some weird [ __ ]

how often does that happen

can't imagine that it happens so often

that they have a second step ready I

can't wait to see what it is step two

prepare to have a discussion with your

child don't confront them harshly or in

a way that might make them close up or

be ashamed of their actions but they're

very young it's likely they don't

realize what they're doing or what

sexual implications it has so being

understanding and gentle is key to how

they'll view their sexuality in the

future well this doesn't cover the

[ __ ] emergency protocol needed for

when my kid starts rubbing his magic

lamp in front of me this is just some

general parenting tips

don't blow things out of proportion all

right well I was over hyped from step

one step three pick your timing

carefully for younger children it'll

feel most relevant to them if you bring

it up when they're actually starting to

masturbate if you wait until later they

might not remember or realize what they

were doing however with older children

picking a quiet and appropriate time is

key so bring it up when you both have

time to talk about it I really like this

picture they have here to represent this

step the father's contemplating bringing

up the subject now but his son looks

absolutely miserable

you know Stewart's dog ran away today

and he's just feeling really down in the

dumps but I think now is the ideal time

for the birds bees and beating of meat

talk step 4 explain to them that there's

nothing wrong with exploring their

private areas I like that title right

there it was actually my favorite

episode of the Magic School Bus miss

Frizzle teaches the kids that there's

nothing wrong with exploring their

genitals the actions that they're

actually taking aren't a problem just

the location let them know that it's not

appropriate to expose or touch their

private parts in public or around other

people so a private setting is a good

idea that mother looks like she's very

angry at her son but her son's giving

her a very strange look like he's

jerking off under the table during this

step 5 give them options rather than

focusing on what they shouldn't do turn

the discussion to what they can do

explain to them that if they choose to

masturbate they can do so in a private

area such as in a bedroom or bathroom

this is a great picture for this one

the father is patting his son on the

back son you're finally becoming a man

you're beating your meat just like your

old man used to then he's like showing

him a secret area of the house this is

my mr. Bert Orie it's yours now son just

[ __ ] handing him the keys like it's

his 16th birthday and he just got a car

step 6 the understanding and his

age-appropriate is possible with the

discussion with older children this talk

might lead to more questions about sex

and sexuality so be open to hearing

questions and providing honest answers

about the acts and your family value

surrounding them with younger children

don't get more intense than they're

ready for be honest but keep it simple

for example you might just say touching

their is okay but it's not okay to do

that in class or when other people are

in the room at home do you want to go to

your room to take a break and do that

damn has masturbation evolved are people

doing this in class and in the [ __ ]

family room while watching a movie now

this picture is pretty interesting the

mother looks like this kids head coach

of the intramural basketball team and

she's on the what he's doing looks on I

see a fiddling around down there jerking

your gherkin how about we go ahead and

take a jerk off break everyone all right

go to the locker rooms do your business

and we'll come back and finish the game

here we go the last step of this guide

step 7 realize that master

addition is generally normal but be wary

of other sons that something is off or

should I say getting off you know common

stuff it's a good joke it's a really

good one actually if you notice your

child masturbates constantly or to the

point where they injure themselves tries

to cause other children to masturbate or

if you suspect someone has taught him or

her to masturbate call up a diet

podiatrists yes please call the

podiatrist his foot may be in trouble

call a pediatrician or therapist as

sexual abuse may have occurred somewhere

you know growing up none of the other

kids tried to persuade me to masturbate

there wasn't like a one kid being the

lightning rod for the masturbation club

recruitment yeah overall I just saw it

advice well now we all know the seven

crucial steps to stopping your child

from masturbating in public what else

can I find on wikiHow real quick how to

master frustration I know many of you

just read that and thought to yourselves

who could possibly have trouble being

frustrated well [ __ ] you not everyone's

a big shot like you some people just

can't get frustrated that easily but

luckily this guide will teach you how to

be the most frustrated miserable sad

sack of [ __ ] on your block I can't tell

you the number of times one of my

friends is just confided in me look

Charlie I just can't seem to get

frustrated I'm just not good at it and

then I'll tell them you know what go on

wikiHow it has a perfect guide on how to

master it it'll turn you into the

[ __ ] Incredible Hulk

how to look pretty when you're in the

fifth grade this doesn't apply for

anyone in the sixth grade or below the

fifth grade but if you're in the fifth

grade this will tell you how to be

pretty how to be a sexy teen girl it's

truly what I've always wanted so I'm

really glad I found this no more will I

have to dress up as a sexy teen girl on

Halloween

thanks to this guy I can finally

actually be a sexy teen girl so for

anyone out there with dreams like mine

it's not too late we can all still be

sexy teen girls it's right here on

wikiHow