How To Call A Guy Out And Show Your Standards - Ask Mark #43

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how do you call a man out on his shitty

dating behaviour what do you do if

you're not naturally upbeat and how do

you get the guy you're seeing to check

in on a daily basis

welcome to us life this is week number

43 and some really lovely really lovely

beautiful questions this week make sure

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I'll announce those dates next week all

right so the first question is from

Leslie and I love this question

so Leslie says mark you don't think it's

worth it to ever call a guy yeah I think

any self-respecting high value woman

should have boundaries and call a guy

out when you're strung a person along

and rejected you otherwise I think men

get away with she behaviors now we don't

want men getting away I was chibi

behaviors Leslie so I really do love the

question now I think this video this

question rather came from the ghosting

video I'm not 100% sure but I think it

was that video and it's it can be

applied to any situation where a man has

done something that you don't like or

that you don't want him to do to someone

else in the future could be ghosting it

could be using you for sex or for love

it could be any sort of immoral

stringing you along as they said any

sort of immoral dating behaviors should

you give a man feedback and if so how do

you give a man feedback so this is

really important now in a lot of my

videos I talked about taking yourself

away and simply going on and getting on

with your amazing life is better than

standing around calling him out and this

is why people learn from negatives ok

the human brain developed things like

pain things like frustration it

developed these negative emotions as

fuels to change something to change an

action to change something about the

environment something needed to change

to enhance our survival that's the


negative emotions showed and we all know

this instinctively so when someone does

wrong by you when a man does wrong by

you the instinct is to want to give him

as much negative emotions as soon as

possible right your ego kicks in and

even though you might not do it you

really want to [ __ ] that guy out you

want to call him on it you want to tell

him what it's at you want to make him

feel shitty so that he doesn't do this

again now sometimes your intent is

purely from your ego you want to bite

back at him other times your intent is

genuinely just so that he doesn't do

that to another woman but in either case

it's important to examine the type of

negatives that you're giving a man to

teach him the instinctual one which is

just to bite back put yourself in that

position at some point you probably goes

to someone you might have not even

realized that you did it you just stop

replying and the guy went away sad now

imagine that guy calling you up on it by

say an aggressive text message he sends

you a text out of nowhere you just

thought you stopped messaging and he

says hey well [ __ ] you this is why women

and manipulators don't ever text me

again you can just [ __ ] off does it make

you want to change your behavior not

really the way I put this question is

that imagine if everyone did that action

would it change the world and how would

it changed the world if every woman gave

men this type of negative feedback what

would end up happening would men really

learn their lesson and want to act

probably not men would get a little

negative feedback but mostly they just

end up resenting and become really

annoyed at women so what's a better way

what's a better way to give feedback

negative feedback to men in dating

well the slightly better way is to be

more vulnerable with it for example

saying something like hey just letting

you know like just wanted to give you a

bit of feedback that the way you

disappeared without messaging it it

really hurt me like it really stung I'm

not saying this to you back I'm not

saying this because I want anything just

a bit of feedback for future women you


and you know that'll have a little bit

of an impact you know negative emotion

you're going for there is not the easier

kick it's not anger it's guilt the man

feels guilty hopefully he doesn't do

that to another woman in the future now

if your intent is really on point and if

you're honest it you're not doing the

standing back then maybe that's the way

you decide to give a man feedback but

again look at it from your point of view

if you got that feedback

how would you receive it you'd be more

likely to think it over than the first

version but it would depend where you

are whether you take it on board if

you're feeling very lonely if you feel

like you haven't met any men lately you

might take that feedback quite seriously

but if you were off dating someone else

happy you probably read it feel guilty

for 30 seconds and then shrug your


meanwhile this guy has spent an enormous

amount of time stewing over you brewing

over you probably planning that text

he's focused so much energy on you and

you haven't thought about him and it's

the same in Reverse giving men feedback

by this vulnerable method again is

putting all this focus and attention on

someone who is out of your life in the

ghosting example and hasn't really

earned it so what's the best way to give

him their negative feedback to change

his actions so that he doesn't do it to

you or perhaps more importantly any

other woman again how can you find

something that projects that if everyone

did it it would work it's very simple

the best negative feedback you can give

a man for his actions that you did not

like in dating is the loss of you okay

men if they lose you should feel so [ __ ]

just from losing an awesome woman that

you don't need to do any of this other

stuff make him feel guilty make him feel

terrible you don't have to do any of

that the loss of you should be enough

you don't walk away to make him feel bad

but if you're an awesome woman if you're

working on your life if you're kicking

your goals then that should be all it

takes because if every woman in the

world did that if every woman in the

world walked away from a ghost

didn't make time for him held her

standards high I guarantee you there

would be no ghosting men in the world I

guarantee it

when do men really listen to feedback

it's when they're coming towards you

okay think of it like a dog if a dog is

wanting chicken and you're holding

lettuce and the dogs running away to

some chicken somewhere else fat chance

that dogs gonna suit for you but then

the dog realizes that you're the one

that actually has all the chicken it

comes back suddenly tell her doctor sit

now it wants to listen the negative

experience of losing all the chicken and

the realization that hey the chickens

actually over here better sit for that

[ __ ] is how the dog learns and it's

exactly the same with men such a good


such a good question all right my next

question is from Olivia and Olivia says

this is all great but not all of us and

naturally upbeat so what do girls like

us do Olivia this is really important in

the end like attracts like your energy

is going to attract a similar energy to

your life for me I'm always looking at

ways I can change

I'm always looking at ways I can change

myself not for anybody else but how can

I put out an energy that I love more how

can I put an energy to you that you're

gonna resonate with more I want you to

resonate with my video so I think okay

how can I make sure that I'm putting out

an energy where you and I can connect

this is not something I'm doing to

please you but it's something I love

doing for myself and this is the

personal development attitude Olivia

that I'd encourage you to adopt so don't

change for a man not for a second

because then you're going to betray your

own values but what I have every client

do when I first meet them is figure out

clearly what their values are and what

they live like if they were living true

to their authentic self because none of

us are a guarantee no matter who you are

no matter how authentically you're

living there's ways you can enhance it

may include it all

so Olivia asked yourself what is my most

authentic self and I'm pretty sure it's

not going to be you sitting around

grumbling being sad putting out these

negative energies to the world define

your authentic self and then make a

project of yourself to living to it

whatever it is that will become the

energy you attract the men you attract

to your life and there's ways to do this

all you've got to do is look for them my

clients come to me we do simple

exercises we put questions on their

alarms on their phone throughout the day

we do meditation we do things like

practicing their self-talk we learn to

recognize their patterns they recognize

their own patterns and they work on

changing the ones that aren't serving

them in putting the energies they want

out there and being their authentic

selves whatever it is for you though

you've got to figure out how do I want

to be how do I want to change myself to

be my best self and then go and do that

a good tip I use with clients to help

with this is figure out the type of

energy that you love to see in another

person when we look at a movie hero or

say a sports star when we look at

someone and admire their traits what

we're really admiring about them is

traits within ourself most of us don't

look at really negative miserable people

and go I love that we look at people

where we know there's part of that

energy within us and so I'd say to you

Olivia or you out there figure out what

that energy is so even if you're not

upbeat now figure out hey I just love

the rock because he's always smiling

that Energy's in you that's why you love

that energy so do what it takes

find a coach search the internet read

books do whatever it takes to bring that

energy out within yourself and change

yourself for the better awesome question

next question is from Thiago and Thiago

sent a message through on the Facebook

make sure you join the Facebook group

Thiago says Kalibak

I truly appreciate clear clarity in your

work I've been seeing this guy for a

month or so and things have been going

very well no one has ever been as nice

as me as

this is super beautiful we're pretty

much together but I finally stopped

freaking out out of the blue if I don't

hear from him for a day should I

communicate that I'd like him to at

least check in on me here and there

don't want to sound needy but this is

something I find important this is a

really key question Thiago because this

is the point where particularly if you

are a more anxious attachment style you

can start to rely on a man for your

security and start to want him to

fulfill those needs for you that

previously a month ago you were single

and doing for yourself and if you start

with line on a man for all of your

emotional states he's gonna pull away

that's your business it's nice to have a

man there to support you in that but you

still want to retain the ability to do

that yourself so Thiago here's what I do

I'm always saying invest in people who

invest in you so invest in him you like

the guy okay push forward don't be

scared to push forward and text him to

see how his day is going on those days

there's nothing media or wrong with

texting someone you like especially not

someone that you're seeing regularly

like you like the guy be open and honest

with him do it again tomorrow and then

leave it right it's all about investment

for investment so you're showing

interest in him but then he has to

reciprocate that interest too and if

you're finding that you're not getting

that interest reciprocated that's when

you can go and have a chat to him so

it's the way you come out the

conversation don't come at him by saying

hey I want you to reassure me how I want

to hear from you every day guys are just

gonna go not gonna deal with this but

whereas if you've been checking in on

him and you've done it for a couple of

days and then you leave it and he's like

I didn't hear from you today here you go

checking with me to miss some like I

love hearing from you I love checking in

on you he's much more likely to be open

for that right because you've put

yourself out there first you've made the

investment you're not demanding it from

him you're just expecting what you did

to be reciprocated it's gonna get what

you want and it's gonna come from a much

better and more secure place final

question is from Coos le and goose le

says I had a question

I have a crush on someone for about

three years now this guy's the only one

I've ever felt attracted to he is

attracted to me but he only likes me

physically he does not like my

personality but that is just an

assumption deduction right I want to ask

you whether is the following idea good

or bad first time first sex with him I

want to do it because if I don't know I

will spend the rest of my life wondering

how it would be if we do it and because

I don't believe I will ever be attracted

to someone so much seriously the first

boy I've ever illusioned having sex with

reasons why I wouldn't do it what if I

am bad I'm assuming in bed what if I

break emotionally more than before what

if he was some rumors that I am bad in

bed should I do it the one time standing

do tell I'm really serious with this

because you do sound pretty young it's

very important you don't do this it's

very important you don't do this because

you're not doing it for the right

reasons so GU Zelly

there's a lot of infatuation happening

here you're putting this guy up on a

pedestal you're thinking he's this

amazing quality guy when really what you

should be qualifying a man on or a boy

on is what's he put into you what's he

invested into you now I don't know if

it's just your insecurities talking

saying that he's not into your

personality or whether he's actually not

into you but in either way he hasn't

invested into you and you want to be

more attracted to men but train yourself

to go after men who invest in you

because these guys these men boys that

just make you feel amazing but don't

actually invest is the road map is the

the path to a life of unsatisfying

one-way relationships sleeping with him

will make it ten times worse so do not

go and sleep with him here make sure you

meet other boys meet other men and think

about all the things that he hasn't

done-for-you to take away some of this

illusion I promise you have faith in my

words you will meet someone else who you

feel just as strongly for who will want

to share that with you sex with you and

who will be much more invested in you

promise you guys Oh a good question

thank you for sending it in

well that's the video thank you for

watching let me know your thoughts

comments questions for next week need

more questions so keep them coming

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