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What To Do When You Want To Quit Dating



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you might be watching this within the

first week of joining this o Megaman

program you might be watching this

somewhere between a week for week 10 one

way or another you're frustrated and

you're thinking to yourself like why am

i why am i doing this to myself like I

was kind of happy before and I would

tell you this man like this is hard all

things worth something

are hard and everyone struggles

somewhere and we all struggle with being

lonely and ultimately that's that is the

struggle here is like we're just we're

lonely now that might mean that you've

never been on a date or you've never had

sex or you've never had a girlfriend it

might be that you are seeing girls and

you are sleeping with girls but you kind

of want to keep the lights off because

you don't like looking them in the eyes

or you don't really find them attractive

or maybe you know you do have sex but

it's only you know what it's paid for

one way or another like we find a way to

cope with this loneliness whether it's

by dating beneath ourselves or or

whether it might be food or it might be

pornography it might be masturbation

there's something in my tea video games

hell there's something that before you

enrolled into this program that you were

using to replace the idea of a

connection with a woman that that you

want and like when you don't have that

it's it's torture it really is like if

you think about it when we want to

punish other human beings we put them in

prison we surround them with the most

violence and the most terrible people on

the planet and that that's the

punishment but what do you do when you

want to punish those people you put them

in isolation because we would rather be

around hardened

than to be alone and I'll tell you like

as a human being our need to connect

with others starts affecting us and

damaging us permanently more so than our

need for food because you can go a week

without eating and not be traumatized

but if you go a week without any

interactions with another human being it

can traumatize you for life like

loneliness is serious and it doesn't

just mean that you're sitting at your

house all day long in in a room you can

be in a room of a thousand people and

still be alone you can have a woman in

your bed and still feel alone you can be

in a relationship and still feel alone

but when we replace that desire that we

have for like true connection for that

that one person or or even that

lifestyle that you're looking for and we

replace it with other other things it's

um it acts as a drug now I want to give

you this this analogy like um you you

think to yourself like you know I had a

conversation with with one of the guys

in in the program and you know he felt

like he was kind of dating beneath

himself and but you know he found

satisfaction I mean at least you're

getting laid

you know I mean and he really started to

struggle and like a lot of us struggle

and he it was like you know imagine

being a kid right and you you get to eat

a Hershey bar you know we know kind of

whatever he wants like after dinner you

get the it a Hershey bar you get to eat

a Hershey bar and then you get older and

you see people eating this this fine

Belgian chocolate and you know people

just like their eyes rolling backing me

like oh my god is the most amazing thing

in the world and you get a taste of it

and you're just like oh my gosh this is

incredible this is just like not even

comparable to that Hershey bar and it's

like how do i how do I get this I want

this all the time and they're like well

you gotta do your tours you gotta do

some work and then you then you can have

this

and so like sometimes you just said I'll

be like you know what fine I'll just

I'll just need I'll just need Hershey

bars for the rest of my life if it means

that I don't have to work but if you

actually tasted that chocolate you know

that would be worth it but here's the

thing if you've never tasted that

chocolate how do you know that it's

worth it you're kind of you're kind of

taking a leap of faith that it's like

all this hard work is eventually gonna

give me what I need opposed to I can

settle for less

but I'm guaranteed to get it and then

it's such a mindfuck it's such a

mindfuck in that voice in your head that

monster in your mind is going to tell

you that just take the easy road just

take the easy road you got a girl you

got a girl see you're getting laid like

isn't that enough there's a difference

how hard you work for something

quantifies how much joy you get out of

it once you have it I have a trophy in

my office it's a it's a bodybuilding

trophy I've got another trophy in my

office it's a ping-pong trophy the

ping-pong trophy is my dad's it comes

with a fun story of how he kind of ran

his mouth in eighth grade and lost a

ping-pong tournament and the next year

he went to win it but the bodybuilding

trophy is mine from when I went to I did

a national show and I grew up a real

skinny kid I used to get really high

fevers that would just essentially just

destroy my body like eat away at muscle

mass I would lose 18 pounds in a week

sometimes like 100 500 six degree fevers

and in order for me to be able to

compete on that level I would work my

ass off and then I get sick and my body

would get destroyed I worked my ass off

and body gets destroyed and I did this

for two years and I I won one show and

then I went to Nationals and I and I

competed there and when I hold that

trophy I feel a certain way now when I

hold my trophy my dad's trophy it's the

made out of the same thing right but

that feeling that I get when I hole

this one it's like buck like the stories

I tell that the emotion that I feel same

substance different experience and it's

it's like if I was kind of just like

naturally a big dude and I was like hey

you know what I think I'm gonna look

pretty big guy I think I'm gonna compete

in a month later I did a show on a

trophy it wouldn't feel the same same

trophy now I just same substance same

trophy but I wouldn't feel the same and

like we're all given these challenges in

in our lives and you know you've got to

put in perspective like look being a

human being is a rare occurrence in the

universe and you get a shot at it

we're the only creatures that get a get

the conscious choice to create whatever

the heck we want to be whatever we want

to have whatever we want

like my dog can't do that my dog can't

decide he wants to be a cat like his own

doesn't work that way and like you know

for you spiritual people who just want

to be angels like you know angels can't

eat pizza angels can't get

like humans can do all of it so it's

like you get a hundred years max to like

make happen to write a story and so

with something so rare why would you not

want to create something that you even

question yourself whether it was

possible because when you do it feels

like you're feels like you're defying

the laws of the universe that that told

you from birth I told you throughout

growing up that you will never have this

and when you defy those odds that

feeling that you get it's it's

absolutely insane it's incredible but

here's the thing if you've never had

that how can you develop that feeling if

you never tried the chocolate this is

this is top it's like well give me the

chocolate and then I'll know that it's

worth it it's like well prove that you

want it and then I'll prove that it's

worth it and then I'll give it to it's a

chicken chicken and egg type thing and

and again the voice in your head just

says like go back to what you were doing

go back to the video games you were

happy there go back to to the you know

to the prize

toots you know the escorts you were

happy there so you've got a couple

things one you have to realize that that

voice in your head is trying to tell you

that it's serving you it's not it's the

the monsters in your mind consume your

negative energy that's what that's what

it's how they they eat it's nothing

personal against you they don't hate you

you know the voices in your head it's

like bears don't hate fish they just eat

them that's just the way that's the way

nature is right they're mechanisms that

eat fish you have to understand that

it's that that voice is trying to trick

you and say hey I'm being good to you so

you can suffer in the long term so how

do we how do we realize that it's better

that it's worth it like what what can

you do well it all kind of comes from

getting a taste of what that chocolate

would be like maybe not necessarily that

chocolate but maybe like a couple tears

down and a little sample of it and

saying okay

this is better than the Hershey so maybe

maybe so and I know that there's much

farther levels and this Wow if it's you

know the third level is that great me

what's the second level like second

level is that good what's the first of

all like what's the top level like okay

so you have to celebrate your little

successes so maybe you got you know

someone to go out with you from dating

online and maybe she's not your ideal

girl but at but at least you did it you

know maybe you spoke to a woman on the

street or while you were running errands

or something like that and you and you

got her phone number and it's and you

know you ask her on a date and maybe

this isn't your ideal girl but but

you're doing it you're going out and

you're creating for yourself and so the

first step is like don't just don't just

say the only thing I will accept is this

chocolate here like try all the the

layers you know at a time and each time

that you you take a step up like

celebrated and appreciate it and say I'm

moving forward you have to appreciate

these little wins

okay now this program is 12 weeks long

you have probably been suffering from

this loneliness possibly your entire

life you may be 20 30 40 50 years old

even older and to build a construct that

keeps you in prison may have taken

decades but in order to rewire yourself

to rebuild it will only take three

months maybe six months now you tell me

like hey I can build this shitty

building in a decade and but if you give

me six months I can build a really good

one like that defies that defies nature

by you know by that definition like by

most definitions of building like

something shitty should take a decade

eight if you want something really good

it's gonna take two decades so this is a

relatively short process even if it

takes a year even if it takes two years

the amount that it takes the amount of

time that it takes to untangle a

decade's worth of you know interference

you're being up or whatever you

know however you're associated to it um

it's rather efficient it just feels like

a long time because you know when you're

in pain

time slows down so you know realize that

relatively this is a short amount of

time celebrate those little wins every

time that you had the courage to go up

and walk up to a stranger and say hey

who are you what's your name you

introduce yourself to them and they

actually were receptive like celebrate

that even if they reject you celebrate

that you're doing something more than

you did before because again if you move

1% per day in a hundred days your life

has changed okay and again if it takes a

year one third of 1% a day in a year

your life has completely changed

actually that's ten months so celebrate

those little wins and then finally work

this into your meditations like before

we can create something there has to be

a vision of it like this building that

I'm in right now before this was built

it was a conversation it was a desire in

someone's head I think I want to build a

building then they talked about it hey

what would that building looked like and

being

story is it would be made out of break

could be aloft and then there was a

blueprint designed a picture on a piece

of paper that represented what it's

going to look like and how it's gonna

happen and then once you can kind of see

that then you can start the design okay

how are we going to use this space and

once that all comes together it is only

then can you start to break ground and

move towards that so in your meditations

on your five and five meditations you

want to do that same thing so in your

mind for five minutes I want you to

close your eyes and I want you to

imagine what this woman looks like I

want you to see the features of her face

I want you to see the curves of her body

I want you to see how you know how tall

she is how she lights up when she smiles

and like all of just like the singular

attributes you know merely what she

looks like one dimension then I want you

to step it into another dimension how

does she move how does she smile when

she talks how does it make you feel when

she scoots a little bit closer to you

okay and I want you to imagine these

things like when you hold hands with her

what side are you on

it's you hold hands like this or do you

interlock fingers like start thinking

about details of like they of what you'd

want and be as specific as you want the

more specific you can imagine this the

more clearly you can create what it is

that you want then add another dimension

to it how does she treat you how do you

treat her how do you serve her in her

life like what is it about you as a man

that makes her better as a woman because

that's what quantifies a good

relationship did you leave her better

than you found her did she leave you

better than she found you so what plays

a role in that how do you guys deal with

arguments like when she's upset how does

how do you handle her when you're upset

how would you want her to handle you and

go through these scenarios in your mind

and then finally gets that feeling and

the next dimension to it after relation

is just like feeling like how do you

feel when she's away

how do you feel when she's getting ready

for the night and you guys about to go

someplace fancy and she walks out of the

bedroom down the hall and you can just

hear the heels click clack click clack

as you know she's about to come around

the corner freshly done up looking just

as gorgeous as ever how do you feel when

you light up when you see her what do

you say to her

like when you can incorporate all of

these elements of like what this

relationship would be for you everything

from the way she looks to the way she

moves to the way she speaks so the way

you serve her she serves you it's gonna

become more real in your head all

creation started out with a thought turn

into a feeling turn into an image

articulated with language planned out

and then executed and that's what we're

doing in this will Megaman program this

is a way that everything in this earth

is creating it's why I'm in this

notebook and you guys see this notebook

all the time it's why I bring it with me

everywhere is because in when I want to

create something that I've never had

before I first have to not only be able

to articulate it you have to be able to

embody it without it even being there so

I know that you feel like quitting

that's okay you're going to get this

you're going to get this the most

important thing is that you took action

to watch this video if this video wasn't

enough for you take action get on the

boxer hit me up hey Spence I'm

struggling I like I'm not getting the

results I want to see and reach out to

me it's the only way that this can fail

is if you don't speak up if you don't

reach out if you don't continue to try

then that loneliness and that that drug

whatever it is for you is going to take

over and you're never gonna have what

you want so practice those meditations

celebrate the wins be okay that you want

to quit but keep your ass moving