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How To STOP Being a PUSHOVER! (No More MR. "NICE GUY")



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[Music]

so for the majority of my life I have

sucked when it comes to being assertive

and standing up for myself a lot of

things happen when I was growing up I

lost the ability to speak up and to

stand up for myself because I was so

scared

about rocking the boat and this is

something that unfortunately it started

when I was young but it sort of

perpetuated itself throughout my life

well into my 20s and even 30s me I went

to therapy and decided I wanted to be

happy and that in order for me to be

happy and successful and fulfilled I

needed to be able to be assertive and

and basically stand up for myself

because if you're not able to speak your

mind and to defend yourself and to be a

little bit selfish people in this world

are going to walk all over you standing

up for yourself is something that you're

gonna have to do throughout your life

it's not something that ever goes away

because the truth is people will try to

take advantage of you people will try to

get you to do things you don't want to

do so in order for me to learn it to be

assertive without being a jerk I needed

to learn 10 things for myself and so

today I'm going to share with you those

10 things hopefully to help you be a

little bit more assertive take care of

yourself and not be a jerk number will

trust your instincts right that little

voice in your head that's like I don't

know Brian I'm not so sure this is a

good idea for me to do that or help you

little voice inside your head or your

instincts you know when something

doesn't feel right right its immediate

it's it's instantaneous it happens

because we have been conditioned to do

what other people want and that we don't

have the ability to stand up for

ourselves we sort of push that instinct

to that voice away and we do what's

expected or what is asked for too is

don't get angry don't get all flustered

when you're standing up for yourself

right the worst thing you can do is to

get all like run and freak out and get

all crazy give away your control and

your power when you freak out and you

get emotional you got to take emotions

out of it even if inside you're freaking

out and you're all super pissed off you

can't let it show number three is try to

look at the other person's perspective I

think they're right listen to

but ultimately if you decide that

they're wrong and and you need to take

care of yourself do it before is don't

be afraid to be selfish this is

something that that is tough for a lot

of people because when you hear the word

selfish you think of something that's

bad you think you're you're not you're

not a team player you think you're being

self-centered and the selfishness that

I'm talking about is taking care of

yourself be selfish when it comes to

taking care of yourself is is critical I

think that that for me I tried to be so

unselfish and so like helpful and just

do what I could for everybody else that

it ultimately came at a price to me and

my my emotional state and my integrity

and being selfish is one of the things

that I have learned to do it's not easy

but it's critical praise the number-5

don't be afraid to say no the word now

is so incredibly powerful but it's hard

to do no two letters one word and it is

incredibly powerful and effective and

critical that you master the ability to

say it I am a people pleaser I come from

a long line of people pleasers and

learning to say no is something that is

not easy it's not comfortable for a lot

of us but in order to make sure that you

take care of yourself and your being

selfish

there are people that you're gonna have

to say no to people are gonna ask you

for things you gotta say no I'm not

saying not to help people of course not

I'm saying if it is not something that

you're comfortable doing or that you

disagree with or you're just not able to

do because it hurts you in the long run

you got to be able to say no but number

six is be polite yet firm no reason to

be a jerk right no screw you uh-uh you

can just say no I'm sorry I can't help

you no this isn't the way I see it and

I'm sorry I'm not gonna be able to agree

know being us the number seven which is

don't feel the need to over explain

yourself I do it right when I say no

then I go into this like oh god I feel

guilty and then I start like trying to

like explain well it's because I can't

do this and I really should I understand

but huh stop want to give somebody an

explanation of why cool but don't feel

the need to apologize and over explain

why you can't because when that person

heard

no they've checked out they're pretty

much done with you and the only thing

you're doing is digging a hole and if

you keep digging and eventually you're

gonna find a yes okay okay just this

once no gentlemen number eight is know

when to walk away number nine it's okay

if people don't like you this was one of

the hardest things for me to grasp and

comprehend because I wanted everybody to

like me and if I couldn't stand the

thought of somebody being upset or not

happy or we're just not liking me sound

familiar

exactly I had to realize and come to the

conclusion that it's okay some people

are not gonna like me and if I don't do

something I don't agree I don't let you

treat me a certain way if this means

that you don't like me because of that I

didn't need you in the first place and

last but certainly not least number ten

no this one I need you to grab a pen

because I need you to write this down

because you need to remember this

probably look at it every single day is

remember you are awesome and you deserve

the best period you are so incredibly

beautiful

you're amazing you're perfect but kind

of perfect you're weird of course right

we all are you got problems you got

issues but at the end of the day I need

you to remember that you deserve nothing

but the best

do not let anybody tell you you can't do

not let anybody push you around you've

got to stand up for yourself be

assertive but be a gentleman always

gentleman I love you more than my double

monk strap shoes and I think you are

incredible and super spectacular