How to End a Relationship the Right Way

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hi I'm Matt Terrell of uncommon

knowledge and hypnosis downloads calm

and welcome to how to end a relationship

the right way seven steps to minimize

the pain of breaking up with someone I

overheard this interchange the other day

and it was a a woman breaking up with a

man in a public place and she said I'm

sorry I don't think this is working it's

not you it's me

I'm just not ready to be in a

relationship at the moment and his

expanse was explosive

and he said but you told me you loved me

he screamed that we had a future

together now I wasn't so much

eavesdropping as being involuntarily

catapulted into this center of someone

else's relationship Armageddon

you know this is in a public space I

happened to be there for one thing I

couldn't believe she chosen a very

public cafe to break the news to this

guy and to someone with an interest in

communication I wasn't overly impressed

by the way she was doing it either I

wasn't exactly taking notes but was a

professional interest there then the

needless for your own good I'm telling

you straight and kicking you when you're

down in Seoul started it's just that you

can be so spineless she said to him and

now he just looked crestfallen I need a

proper man she said I mean I don't mean

that that well you know in some ways

you're not that bright

I don't mean that not not in the way I

am she said and I couldn't believe what

I was hearing not a proper man lacking

in the brains Department anything else

ah here we go and it did get worse and

you know there's a stage whisper for her

cafe audience

she actually said sex has never been

that great between us and I won't go on

not like she did but after mumbling

something about still being friends in

the way perhaps John F Kennedy might

have been friends with Lee Harvey Oswald

had he survived she burst into tears and

fled the cafe and his eyes fleetingly

locked with mine in an incredibly

awkward interchange as awareness of

where he was flooded back to him and I

resisted the urge to offer a meaningless

platitudes such as you'll be better off

and instead pretended to be captivated

by the cafe menu so okay maybe she had

to end their relationship by

it could have been handled a little

better I felt very sorry for that guy

maybe I'm being harsh you know breaking

up with someone is difficult and we all

say things we don't mean sometimes and

now maybe I'm being a bit generous there

but anyway if you're thinking of ending

it with someone then this hopefully will

be really useful for you

so ending a relationship cruel to be


to end a relationship is a big decision

you know worsened by that heart sinking

feeling of knowing you have to tell them

the actual thought of breaking the news

to your soon-to-be ex can make you feel

anxious or even terrified it's not an

easy thing to do

quite often sometimes it seems easier to

continue with what isn't working than to

upset the applecart you know but if the

relationship isn't right for you then

ultimately it's not right for them


and the longer and unfulfilled

relationship continues the less chance

we have of finding better happier

relationships now I don't think the cafe

assassin meant to be cruel I think she

panicked and it all went wrong at least

her partner heard it from her first

instant messaging and texts and other

ways of communication and can make

keeping a secret difficult so tell no

one or very few trusted people before

you break the news hearing it on the

grapevine from a third party is pretty

gruesome it may seem impossible to end

the relationship and keep your partner's

dignity intact but it isn't so first

here are some practical do's and don'ts

then we'll talk about how to handle your

emotions during the break-up so how to

end a relationship in style in

respectful style am i that ending a

relationship is never going to be

pain-free but here are some very

practical ways to lessen the pain so

step number one tell your partner you

need to talk to them don't let them

think that you're planning a nice

intimate afternoon only for them to be

hit by a bombshell fancy going to the

cafe do this as close to the actual date

and time as possible hopefully the same

day okay within half an hour it's unfair

to leaves

I'm stewing for longer than necessary

imagining what it is all they send the

relationship in person phone calls and

texts and tweets even are unkind and

cowardly ways of breaking up with

someone unless you fear violence from

your partner needs to be person step to

make sure you'll not be disturbed by

interruptions by arranging to break the

news in private if they do become

emotional it can be embarrassing to have

any strangers around and humiliating for

them even if it's a quiet Park I for one

don't want to hear someone else breaking

up again choose a neutral place rather

than somewhere you share perhaps a

friend's apartment when they're out okay

avoid breaking out with them in a place

that has past romantic associations for

the two of you step 3 avoid ending the

relationship during a row or when highly

emotional this just sends a signal that

it was said in the heat of the moment

and you didn't really mean it because

you were emotional and perhaps you know

they'll get they just won't get the

message by ending the relationship

calmly and clearly you convey you're

serious that is definitely over step 4

don't be swayed by their emotional

response if they become upset it would

say probably will it may be tempting to

try to comfort them or even tell them

that you didn't mean it just to stop

them from hurting don't send mixed

messages this will make it more painful

in the long term step 5

avoid blaming your partner or

criticizing them in this moment talk

about the relationship as if it is an

object outside of you both it stopped

working is better than it you've stopped

bothering with me or you never say

anything nice or keep language as non

emotional as possible keep the word you

out of it as much as possible express

regret that things didn't work out and

remember if things are wrong for you

then they too could actually have a

better relationship themselves if

released from this one step 6

avoid cliches you know no one wants to

hear it's not you it's me or your really


but or we can still be friends and you

may be but now is not the time to

discuss that nor does anyone want

platitudes like you're bound to meet

someone really special who is more right

for you than I am just stick to the

facts of the matter

step 7 now these steps that I've just

been talking about are all well and good

but if you're so overwhelmed with

anxiety and fear when actually ending

the relationship that sensible advice

flies out the window and something else

needs to happen you need to prepare your

emotions to be calm and clear ahead of

time being too emotional

swamps thinking brain making it harder

to talk and think clearly if you were

going to do a play present a performing

a play you wouldn't expect not to

rehearse likewise the more you rehearse

in your mind whilst very relaxed telling

your partner it's over the easier it's

going to be to find yourself naturally

feeling calm when you actually do this

so find yourself a quiet space perhaps

in the bath or some other place you

naturally relax close your eyes focus on

your breathing slowing down and when

you're nice and relaxed just begin to

imagine watching yourself from the

outside as if you're watching a movie

looking composed and poised as you can't

really tell your partner that it's over

there more strongly you do this the more

you'll prime your mind and emotions to

feel the right way and when the time

comes okay and lastly remember tough

decisions now will make for a better

life in the future so I hope you found

that useful and if you did please hit

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errol of uncommon knowledge and hypnosis

downloads calm and if you'd like to try

some of my personal development products

including a download about breaking up

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and thanks for watching