play the

How to play the field and what are the rules? Engaged at Any Age - Coach Jaki



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hi ladies wanted to make you this brief

video to talk to you about how to play

the field and what are the rules anyway

and so I've had a couple of my clients

ask me about you know how many men

should they be dating at the same time

and that's a great question right how

many men should you be dating at the

same time so that's called playing the

field when you were dating more than one

man and it really depends on what your

intention is where I always talk about

your intention be intentional so if your

intention is to be in a committed

monogamous relationship

you can certainly date more than one man

at a time because dating more than one

man in time will will help you very much

because it'll help you to stay detached

when you're in this process because what

happens is we we're looking for somebody

to spend our life with and we meet

somebody who has potential and we start

to attach and then we lose our

perspective and that's when a man can

lose interest too because we start to

attach and he he isn't ready for that

and then it creates a problem and so and

so you want to look at what your

intention is so if your intention is to

be in two committed exclusive monogamous

relationship is what I coach about then

I think you should definitely date two

men at the same time because what you're

doing is it's a process of elimination

right you're looking to see who would be

a better fit for you so they're going to

be a lot of work involved in doing that

though so there's there's a juggling

that's gonna happen you're gonna be

juggling men so it's important to be

honest about what you're doing but I

don't feel that it's important and it's

actually critically don't share with the

other man any details about the other

men you're dating so if you are dating

two men and he asks you if you're seeing

somebody else would I recommend that you

say is but you're smiling you say I'm

dating just like that don't give him any

more information he's gonna be like

you're dating does that mean you're

seeing other people say one day I'm

dating that's it that's all the

information that he needs to know

because you're just dating you don't

know him and you're not obligated to

give him a deeper explanation

especially if it's in the first couple

of weeks and if he's wanting an

inclusive relationship with you it's a

good motivation for him to ask you like

hey I really like what's happening

between us and I really just want you to

date me and that that's when you can

decide if there's enough has enough

potential for you to explore a

relationship with him and then again

what that looks like if he's

demonstrated caring he cares about you

he's asking you about how you're feeling

what you're doing he remembers things

you tell him he's consistent he's

consistently calling you texting you

asking you out and he's he's looking for

the commitment he's mentioned possibly

like going away next summer maybe he

wants to introduce you to his family

things like that that's starting to show

that he's thinking about you in terms of

and us a we and so if you it's let's go

back to the getting attached so what

happens is you start to go out with

somebody you get attached that's what I

really recommend that you deliberately

date more than one man at a time so that

you can quickly move through the dating

process and end up with somebody that

you're really compatible with but not

getting stuck with somebody you're not

compatible with so the key to doing that

is just asking a lot of questions you

have to ask more questions you have to

be more courageous in dating and so

questions like you know what what are

your what do you were used to yourself

in five years or what are your plans for

the future do you see yourself settling

down again I mean how the courage to ask

question that that they'll give you the

answers to especially in the first

couple of weeks you don't know anything

there's nothing there's no big risk it

feels like an emotional risk because we

all are afraid of being rejected but if

you don't even know this man that well

and you you're dating and you want to

find the one you have to risk take these

risks these emotional risks because it's

interesting especially in the beginning

if you ask all these questions you'll

get answers because there's not there's

no emotional charge you don't have this

big emotional charge around him yet

because you don't know him it's easier

to ask questions in the beginning I

really really recommend that and the

more questions you ask the more answers

you'll get and and then make sure that

when he

ask you questions you're asking him the

same question back when he asked you a

question say well what about you and

then ask him that question back and so

it's certainly a confidence booster if

you can get several dates with a couple

of guys that's a confidence booster it's

gonna boost your confidence the only

place that you can sabotage yourself is

if you talk about another man they don't

like that nobody really wants to hear

about it it can cause some jealousy and

distrust even though you're not doing

anything wrong and so that's why you

want to say I'm dating what about you

you dating he's gonna say yeah that

means he's seeing other women too and

that's all the details you need and if

you want to be exclusive with you he'll

ask you right and if he doesn't ask you

after he if you tell him that that's a

big indicator right what does that tell

you if a man says are you dating other

people are you seeing other men and you

say yeah dating and what about you then

he answers and he says yeah I'm dating

do you smile well what did he just tell

you he just didn't say do you want to be

exclusive he's not interested in being

exclusive with you so that's gonna be

something you're gonna take a note of

and then you can decide if you want to

go out with him or not

right all this power from just asking

questions and as soon as you know that

you're not a fit for a man is when you

stop seeing him because I don't

recommend leading men on soon as you

know that you're not a fit but I do

recommend going out with a guy like

three or four times if you're like god

I'm not really feeling it I don't think

that you know he's the one you have to

you don't know you know you don't even

know it and that's why you have to give

it several days so after three to five

dates you don't feel it then there's a

and the Energy's not there and he's not

really treating you the way you want to

be treated then absolutely I would

recommend stop seeing him because then

you're leading them on so I think

deliberate dating is great because you

can learn a lot from the dating process

but it's not a game and you don't want

to get into games you just want to be

authentic and honest and in your

integrity and just tell a little bit of

you know your truth and see how it's

received and then you tell a little bit

more that's the boundaries in dating and

you want to keep it in dating two guys

at once helps you with your perspective

right

if one guy does something the other guy

does something else and you're like wow

these guys are both very different but

they're giving me a lot of perspective

and they're helping you to refine

through the contrast of what it is that

you really want

so keep dating date more than one man at

a time three is really juggling I don't

know where you're gonna find the time to

do that but more power to your girls if

you're able to pull that off do you find

a guy that you're starting to like it's

okay to just see him he doesn't need to

know that though you can simply just

pull back from the other guy and and

continue to see him and see if he steps

into would you like to be exclusive

because if you're really liking him you

don't want to sabotage yourself I dated

another man so it's a little bit of a

balancing act there to make that

distinction whether or not it's time to

just see him without telling him that's

what I do with my husband I liked him

he liked me and I he asked me if I was

seeing anybody else that I was dating

but I wasn't dating anybody else right

then and there so but I was open to but

I didn't meet anybody else that I wanted

to see because I liked what was

happening between him and I but I didn't

tell him that because I wanted to keep

keep him guessing I guess because I

wanted to get that tension on so he

would would continue to pursue me and so

I wanted him to pursue me more because I

really wanted to see you know how what

his intentions were right caring

commitment consistency and then he

showed up and he showed me all those

things and so then he asked me to be

exclusive and I said I'm not there yet

but I do love what's happening between

us and he said okay take your time and

then after about three weeks I was like

yeah you know yeah I just want to see

you and so that's kind of how that

transition for us but it was three weeks

and I really recommend take your time

get to know him let him pursue you

that's you're setting it up for

commitment if you do it that way okay so

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a beautiful day love you bye