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hi everyone welcome back to my channel
if you're new here I'm Courtney Ryan and
today we're going to be doing one of my
most requested videos probably of all
time and that is how to be less socially
awkward or how to stop being socially
awkward and going over some behaviors
that make you look this way they make
you look a little bit odd or weird
we're gonna get into it I've made a
handful of videos to help out all of my
fellow introverts out there as well as
videos on how to keep conversations
going and things like that but this one
is going to take it a step further so
I'm going to be highlighting some
behaviors that make you come across in a
way that maybe you don't want to and
then I'm going to end the video with
some tips that have really helped me
that I hope will help you too and don't
feel bad if you do these things we're
going to work on it together that's why
you're here what I don't want is your
social awkwardness or social anxiety to
turn into social isolation you are a
human and nobody is perfect please
please please please remember that the
first Behavior I have here that makes
people come across socially awkward is
self-disclosure and that's a lack of or
excess of I've talked about this in a
video before and referred to
self-disclosure as emotional vomit
although it's not always emotional so we
can just call it over sharing to
simplify things sometimes we just reveal
too much too quickly and it makes us
come across a little bit strange there's
a natural progression to revealing
things about yourself when you meet
someone or you're getting to know
someone and sometimes when we
self-disclose too much too fast it can
come across in a way that we probably
don't want it to and this is a very easy
thing to do if you're an introvert like
me you probably hate small talk this is
why we don't necessarily thrive in big
groups or social situations but with
that being said you've got to start
somewhere I also do want to point out
that sometimes you will naturally click
with people more than others and you'll
reveal things quicker and you guys will
start to talk about deeper subjects or
your past or whatever it is you might
get into the self-disclosure much
quicker than you would with someone else
that's very normal but you don't want to
introduce yourself and immediately start
talking about how you have a foot fetish
it could be anything but that's just
what came to mind sometimes it's okay to
just keep things to yourself and if you
struggle with this I think that
following an equal sharing rule can
really help if someone shares something
with you you can share something at the
same level a very simple example here is
someone sharing what their hobbies are
you can reciprocate and share the same
thing about yourself and then on the
flip side to revealing too much is
revealing nothing at all I think people
who don't reveal anything about
themselves or they're never vulnerable
they never open up they never share
anything about themselves people don't
trust you people don't feel connected to
you people don't feel like they can talk
to you about things or open up to you
because you're not doing it back makes
sense so I really think following that
equal sharing rule is super helpful my
next point is eye contact too much or
too little when listening or when
speaking too much eye contact can be
uncomfortable intense and overbearing
and little or no eye contact can make
you look nervous uninterested insecure
withdrawn or overall all just odd think
about if you're having a conversation
with someone and you're speaking to
someone and the whole time they're just
looking off like this when they're
responding to you and think about if I
shot a video looking over here the whole
time and I wasn't looking at you guys
the entire video you'd be like what the
heck is this girl doing because it's
weird right sufficient eye contact shows
the people we're listening or speaking
to that were engaged and interested and
attentive our faces reveal so much and
honestly just body language in general
and I think it's really important and
helpful to understand how this impacts
how we're perceived by others I also
want to touch on some other body
language things here that can make you
come across awkward as well having your
hands in your pockets another one is
moving too much being skittish being
fidgety these can all make you look like
you're tweaking out so again know the
importance of body language I have done
many videos on body language if you need
a little extra help my next Point here
is an inability to read social cues also
known as read the room this is one of
the main things that I personally notice
with dating that makes things relax
board real fast what I'm talking about
here is someone giving you cues that
maybe they need to leave a conversation
or maybe they're not interested when you
overstay your welcome or you linger too
long it becomes really awkward I'll give
you a situational example here too so
say maybe you approach a girl at the gym
this is Hit or Miss by the way I've done
many videos about this it's just like
winning the lottery okay so you approach
a girl at the gym maybe she has her
headphones in you approach her you start
to talk to her and she like has one
headphone out talking to you but she
like keeps trying to put the headphone
back in to show you that she's in the
zone she's trying to listen to her music
she's not interested in what you're
saying if a girl wants to talk to you
she will take the headphones out she
will not continue to re-put them back in
her ears or like look away from you she
will be turned towards you engaged in
the conversation but if she's not doing
that and she's putting her headphones
back in trying to go back to her set or
trying to go back to her music that
would be a social cue to you that she's
either not interested or doesn't want to
talk so move along when you stand there
and continue to try to talk to her and
linger or too long it makes you come
across awkward it can make you come
across creepy to a lot of women again
I've discussed this creepy concept and I
do think not being able to read the room
can make a man come across as creepy it
just is what it is so reading social
cues is very important another example
that doesn't even involve dating is say
you're having a conversation with
someone and they're like all right well
it was really great to meet you I've got
to get going you know great to meet you
take care and you continue to ask them
questions or stand there and talk to
them and keep the conversation going
even though they've already expressed to
you that they gotta go so when you
ignore that or you don't acknowledge
these social cues you're making things
awkward for yourself so I just mentioned
exiting a conversation but entering a
conversation can be something where you
need to read social cues as well I could
think of a million different examples
for this one if you guys have any
questions specifically you can comment
down below and I'll do my best to help
down there my next one is proximity and
yes there is such thing as personal
space ladies and gentlemen standing too
close to someone and invading their
little personal bubble makes someone
instantly feel uncomfortable on guard
and like they don't want to be there
this will vary depending on the culture
probably like everything else on this
list as well but here in the United
States the range is 12 to 18 inches at
least so make sure that you give someone
personal space when you're talking to
them you don't want to be standing this
close to their face and you've got your
bad breath all up in their face I don't
know if you use a tongue scraper like I
told you to in my grooming and hygiene
tips maybe your breath doesn't stink and
that's not the issue but you're still
too close and on the flip side then
standing too far away can be weird too
it might impact how well that person can
hear you so it's not like you need to
carry around a little measuring tape in
your pocket and make sure you're 12 to
18 inches away when you go stand next to
someone but just do something that feels
comfortable don't get too close because
this is a Surefire way to make someone
feel really uncomfortable and of course
be sure to keep the scenario in mind
here too and the last behavior that
comes across socially awkward is having
no filter now I want to start off by
saying I absolutely believe that you
should be genuine and authentic I want
that for all of you and I'm not telling
you to act fake or be someone that
you're not or to be a people pleaser we
don't want to do any of those things but
those things are very different than
being someone who has no filter one
thing that I like to keep in mind is
that there's a time and a place
sometimes it's just not the time or the
place to make a specific remark or to
enter a conversation having absolutely
no filter for yourself what you say to
your BFF might not be something that you
want to say to your new boss at your job
keeping appropriateness and relevance in
mind is something that will greatly help
your conversation skills sometimes not
all the time but having no filter or
speaking in a way that makes other
people feel visibly uncomfortable is a
sign that you lack self-awareness and
you're a little bit socially awkward so
again I'm not telling you to be
something that you're not or to be a
people pleaser or to be fake but just
keep appropriateness and relevance in
mind is what you were about to say
relevant to the conversation if it's not
maybe just don't say it is what you're
about to say not appropriate and will
make someone feel uncomfortable
then don't say it sometimes really it is
okay to keep things to yourself we don't
always need to say everything we don't
always need to type everything out
sometimes we can just think something in
here and move along with our day now
moving on from the weird behaviors I
have a few tips for you guys that I
think will really help because they
helped me the first tip I have is to
focus on the other person when you're in
a conversation with someone or you're
interacting with other people do your
best to give them your attention and
focus instead of overthinking or hyper
fixating on yourself and your every move
not only does this naturally make the
conversation better because you're
genuinely listening to them and engaged
in the conversation it can also really
help you to naturally relax when you
give your attention elsewhere again
instead of overthinking or hyper
fixating on how loud you're breathing or
what you're going to say next there was
one type in high school where I can
remember this so vividly I had just
started dating this boy and he was
driving me around in his car and it was
kind of quiet in the car and I started
just thinking in my head about my
breathing and how loud I was breathing
so much so that I started to hold my
breath and we were going over all these
bumps and every time we would go over a
bump I literally felt like I was going
to hyperventilate again this is very
embarrassing I in the past have had
social anxiety so that's why I can
confidently share these tips with you
because I have been there I have hyper
fixated on the way that I'm breathing so
much so that I feel like I can't breathe
so I've been there and when you hyper
fixate on yourself or you overthink or
even if you're in a conversation and
you're thinking about what you're going
to say next instead of actually
listening the conversation sucks because
you probably didn't actually hear what
they said and you're just constantly
thinking of the things that you're going
to say which is not great for having a
good conversation I've done videos about
how to keep a conversation going how to
have a great conversation how to be
charismatic and thinking about what
you're going to say is never on the list
of things to do my second tip here is to
practice your storytelling this is an
easy trick that helps keep people
engaged and interested in your story or
just the conversation in general think
about how you can connect with your
audience so whoever is listening to you
you might have to tailor a story to fit
to who you're speaking to if I'm telling
a story to my mom for example I might
give her different details than I give
my best friend when I'm telling the same
story because different things might be
relevant to both of them using analogies
and giving examples can also help people
better understand what you're trying to
say being a good Storyteller is
something that I have always really
struggled with because I go on all these
different Avenues I can't just stay in a
straight line I'm like oh I have to
include this detail in this detail and I
find myself being all over the place so
this is something that I have personally
been working on and I have found that
anytime I've been in a conversation with
someone or I've been listening to a
speaker or even a video where someone is
a very good Storyteller it keeps me
hooked it keeps me engaged and I
genuinely listen to what they're saying
and one thing I've noticed that people
often do when they are a good
Storyteller is using examples or
analogies this can help people better
understand what you're saying and show
that you care that they learn something
they connect with you and they
understand it being a good Storyteller
is one of the best ways to have a great
conversation and if you're someone who's
socially awkward practicing this can
really help and my last tip here is to
show up for yourself whether you like it
or not I know you're going to be kicking
and screaming in the comments but first
impressions are so important part of
this is the way that you show up the way
you dress and carry yourself and present
yourself self included dressing for
success and just putting General effort
into your appearance shows that you care
and this plays a role in how people
perceive you again I know some of you
are not going to like that or you're
going to think that it's shallow but
psychology has shown us time and time
again the importance of First
Impressions and making a good one think
of this as your personal brand the way
that you show up says a lot about you
the effort that you put into yourself
can also build your confidence and your
self-esteem which will then reflect in
the way that you carry yourself and
interact with people it will make you
more confident in yourself more sure of
yourself in your social situations will
reflect this also included in this is
your grooming and your hygiene if your
breath stinks and you're all up in my
business too close to me the proximity
point that I mentioned I'm not going to
want to be there and I know this is
different in other cultures and places
in the world so keep that in mind I'm
just talking about the United States of
America because that is where I live the
great thing about this video and
everything that I decided to include on
this list and something I was very
thoughtful about when I was making this
is that these are all learnable skills
sure they might take some practice but a
lot of things take practice if you want
to be good at them and this one is
certainly worth the effort even if
you're one of my autistic guys out there
who are watching that might struggle to
read social cues or maybe you just feel
like you're a little bit awkward learn
learning these things and just
practicing can really help you we all
have different strengths and weaknesses
there are some people who you know great
conversation comes a lot more naturally
to them maybe they're a bit more
extroverted or charismatic while some of
us might have to try a little bit harder
to get there and that's okay that comes
with anything we all have things we're
good at we all have things that we need
to work on and practice that's just the
way life is but in the midst of all of
it please remember that you are human
you are not a robot so if you do any of
the things I talked about on this list
today it's okay that's why you're here
to learn we all have to start somewhere
and I promise just practicing the things
on this list today will really help you
so guys it is all I have for this video
if you liked it or found it helpful be
sure to give it a thumbs up and
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over on Instagram Courtney Christine
Ryan I love connecting with all of you
guys over on there as well I do a lot of
interactive stuff on my stories like q
and A's asking for video ideas and
things like that so if you would like to
participate that is the place to to do
it as always thank you all so much for
watching and I will see you all next
time
