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- [Amanda] Do you often find yourself
being taken advantage of?
Perhaps you're often talked down to
and treated as less than.
Sometimes people can be harsh and judgmental.
And you may feel as if they don't hold any respect for you.
It's not always nice to hang around
those who don't value you.
So, if given the chance,
it may be best to simply walk away,
and say good riddance.
But, if you find you're always being subtly treated this way
maybe you'd like to adopt some behaviors to gain respect.
You can still be you.
You just simply respect yourself enough,
to not let others walk all over you.
Sound like a plan?
Here are six ways to get people to respect you.
Number one, respect yourself first.
We should all learn to love ourselves.
And in doing so,
give us the respect we deserve.
Often at times we can be too harsh on ourselves,
and let our insecurities and dark thoughts take the lead.
But do away with them.
With a little practice self-respect,
you can be on your way to thinking higher of yourself
and loving you in the process.
Many researchers, such as Herbert M. Lefcourt,
state that having a sense of internal locus of control,
over our own lives,
is a key condition for our mental health.
Locus of control,
refers to how much someone feels a sense of agency
towards their life.
Someone with an internal locus of control
believes the things that happened to them
are strongly influenced by their own actions,
abilities or mistakes.
To practice self-respect,
you must first allow yourself to say no,
without feeling guilty.
Prioritize what is important in your life.
And choose to keep only healthy relationships.
It's key to not let others take advantage of you.
And make sure you get what you pay for in life.
So if you're at an ice cream stand,
and you paid for two scoops of ice cream,
and only received one,
instead of brushing it off,
simply ask that you receive that extra chocolate scoop,
and don't feel guilty about it.
It's just ice cream, and you're hungry.
Your priority right now is to satisfy your appetite.
And guess what?
Ice cream is the way.
Two scoops please.
Furthermore, it's important to know
you can create your own happiness,
not just others.
This is a form of self-respect as well.
So go ahead and enjoy those two scoops.
You respect yourself too much to not appreciate them
Number two, set clear boundaries.
It's important to set boundaries for ourselves and others.
Let's say your friend often comes over to your house
for movie night.
You love and care for your friend.
But they aren't the most respectful guests.
They put their feet up on your coffee table.
They bring their dog fleas over.
They eat most of your food
and they leave Cheeto Puff remains
on your furniture, everywhere.
Do they respect you?
It doesn't look like it.
A good step would be to set some boundaries
for when company comes over.
And discuss them with your dear friend.
You can be kind when discussing this with them
and consider their point of view as well.
But it's your home,
and it's ultimately your rules.
So tell them they can't keep scavenging through your fridge.
Fleas must be on a leash,
and to keep their cheese-filled hands to themselves.
Not on the furniture.
And pause off the table, fleas.
understand you don't have to be nice all the time.
Who wouldn't wanna be nice when they want to?
But when you feel like you have to,
at the expense of your own happiness,
it's not a good idea.
Sadly, a lot of people think,
they can take advantage of those who are kind to them.
This doesn't mean you have to stop being a good person.
Just simply know when you must put yourself first,
and also don't feel guilty about it all the time.
You may think that if you don't do
every favor your friend asks of you,
they might not like you anymore.
But what kind of friend is that?
You may feel guilty
if you don't accept your friend's invitation
to hang out every time.
But you just got snuggled into a bubble bath.
You just like to be alone tonight.
Perhaps you don't allow yourself to not smile.
So you throw on a contrived smile
before you go out the door,
even when you're having a bad day,
as great as smiling feels.
A forced smile can't always make you feel better.
Allow yourself to admit you're having a bad day.
You don't need to be in a certain mood for anyone.
Allowing unnecessary guilt to take control
can leave you associating these one's happy actions
with something forced and uncomfortable.
Practice assuring yourself,
that if you allow yourself,
the guilt free time to relax first,
you'll only feel happier
when the time comes to hang out with your friend next.
Number four, speak up.
Many of us often have shy personalities.
So doing all the talking during a group conversation
may not be our thing.
But just because you're shy,
doesn't mean you should let others interrupt you.
If others often interrupt you,
or appear as if they aren't listening,
there's some tricks you can use to make yourself heard.
First, try saying the name of the person
you're speaking to mid conversation.
Similar to the cocktail party effect,
we will often have our attention pulled back to reality
when our names are heard.
Such as when we're at a cocktail party
and here our name in the distance.
You know how your music teacher would always say your name
mid sentence to regain your attention?
We're doing the same thing here.
Another trick is to often use hand gestures,
and give an equal amount of eye contact to everyone.
Using hand gestures grabs attention,
and strongly conveys your message.
If someone was looking into the depths of your soul,
you'd be bound to notice.
Just make sure you give everyone,
equal amounts of eye contact.
Maybe no soul staring today.
Number five, don't over-apologize.
Do you often find yourself apologizing
for something that wasn't even your fault?
It may just become habit to say, sorry
when something goes wrong.
You may only wanna say it to not be unkind.
But your words should carry weight, especially in apology.
If you apologize too often,
your sorry maybe viewed as nothing to others
who hear it too often.
over-apologizing can be a sign to others
that you are submissive.
Sooner or later, they'll assume,
you'll be the one to take the blame.
Or that you're too nice to speak up
if they walk all over you.
Some common things we unnecessarily apologize for.
If you don't wanna do a favor, don't apologize.
It's a favor.
If you have an opposing opinion,
agree to disagree.
It's your opinion.
Stand by it.
Remember, you don't have to be unkind.
Say sorry, when sorry is do.
But be conscious of how often
and how unnecessarily you do say it.
And number six,
display confident body language.
Confidence is key.
And that's what people often say.
And it can be very true most times.
If you want to command respect,
a good way is to let your body language show,
that you can't be pushed around.
Quite literally too.
Strong stance and good posture won't send you toppling over
if bumped into.
So, use good posture and stand up tall,
make good eye contact when listening and speaking.
Crossing our arms is often seem as defensive.
So it's best to relax them by your side.
Carry your head high and eyes forward,
instead of looking to the ground.
Observe the scene at a party,
don't be afraid to people watch.
And it's a party after all.
And remember those hand gestures,
continue to use them while speaking.
And you'll be as confident
and respected as an Italian chef at a pizzeria.
Too much ice cream and pizza.
Oops, not sorry.
So, do you often feel disrespected?
Will you use these tips?
Do you say sorry, often?
Let us know about a time where you felt disrespected.
Which tips would you use to command the respect of others?
Share with us in the comments below.
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And as always,
thanks for watching.