Need up to 30 seconds to load.
socially fluent people read it what are
some mistakes you see socially awkward
people making some people will talk
about themselves and nothing else
the trick is to get other people to do
that imagine two awkward people trying
to achieve this goal simultaneously hmm
I think I've been a part of this
conversation before I think I've been
part of this conversation many times
before if two awkward people are both
trying to get the other person to talk
about each other usually this results in
a pleasant normal conversation now
probably we'll just end up and both of
them saying they don't have much going
and and have an awkward silence in
awkward and this happened too many times
when you mix this one with complaining
all the time save me
many people find complaining and
pointing out negative things as the
easiest methods of conversation but it's
not a great way to make a good
impression or connect with people you'll
just be seen as a walking buzzkill
reminds me of Franz Ferdinand with to
bump into you accidentally I Jam you and
tell you of the boys I hate all the
girls I hate all the words I hate all
the clothes I hate how I'll never be
anything I hate you smile mention
something that you like oh you mean the
band no the Archduke of Austria made
some pretty sweet popular music between
1907 and 1914 it was the older rage with
the hapsburgs
he was touring Sarajevo at the time he
was assassinated by a crazed fan you
seem like a silly goose ask questions
rather than give the input about your
own life someone starts talking about
their dog ask some questions don't
automatically go into a tirade about
your dog letting someone else do the
talking means you have to talk less and
questions make you more attentive yeah
but I feel like people off to
overcompensate for this and it ends up
an interrogation agreed in the best
conversations both parties are equal
parts Oscar and answerer
if you're talking to someone who doesn't
get this it's probably not going to be a
great conversation what breed is it how
old is she does she do tricks is she
usually a good dog is she your first dog
what is her nunim
I see a lot of socially awkward people
that are so preoccupied with trying to
find a way to continue the conversation
that they failed to either listen to the
person while theá-- talking or they miss
an obvious opportunity to continue the
conversation yeah it's hard to mentally
function in the extreme conditions of a
potential anxiety attack I'm not dissing
in just saying what it looks like from
my perspective I completely understand
how social anxiety can incapacitate
someone I'm sorry if this came across as
rude now didn't think so was just saying
good deal wanted to make sure it doesn't
matter how funny it was earlier that day
when you saw it
don't force someone to watch a
four-minute you how to clip on the spot
time slows down so much when you're
being forced to watch a YouTube clip you
don't want to watch especially when it's
on someone else's greasy thumb printed
old smartphone that you can barely see
due to the glare with the brightness
turned all the way down for some reason
yeah what I do is text them hey this is
hilarious you should totally watch it
and send them a link to the video if
they bring it up when we see each other
I talked about it if they don't I don't
mention it why isn't this the top
comment hands-down one of the worst
social offenses I'm gonna waste minimum
of your time to show you the slam a
video that only I enjoy taps screen to
see how much time is left on video don't
explain the plots of books movies or
dreams in anything longer than three
sentences I promised myself I would stop
scrolling when I found a tip that would
make me feel guilty
guess I'll stop scrolling now have an
upvote perfect exactly three sentences
one time the girl sitting next to me on
a greyhound described a night stale
scene by scene to me it took about two
hours I was a little confused by her
dedication to explaining every single
detail but in the end it was a pretty
entertaining bus ride
that's roughly ten minutes shorter than
the actual movie you should have thanked
her for her efficiency
joke's on ER you just got a free
audiobook don't highlight your floors if
you make a mistake say something awkward
or just have a bad zit
don't draw everyone's attention to it
they probably didn't notice this
actually reminds me of when a girl in my
class had to present a project in front
of the class she was nervous and was
making mistakes with her words and
rather than moving on and just repeating
the sentence over again she would shout
Lara and stick her tongue out this
happened many many times and it just
always made it way more obvious that she
had messed up idk about this one I like
to joke about my receding hairline it's
something obvious yet not important I
usually get a good laugh out of it I
think the trick is to joke about
something you aren't obviously
self-conscious about one
self-deprecating joke in an evening is
fine 20 self-deprecating jokes in an
evening is uncomfortably pathetic
forcing a joke or trying too hard to be
funny I find certain socially awkward
people repeat jokes they heard or try
way too hard when it's not relevant to
the conversation I just find some
socially awkward people try too hard to
be liked and sometimes come off too
strong one of the initial stages of
going from extremely socially awkward to
socially adapt is forcing jokes or
trying too hard to be funny likable the
upshot is that if you learn from this
you become learn to read a room it's a
key skill for the socially adept as
comedy is one of those things that can
rapidly spin out of control once it
crosses the line learning to figure out
where that line is and if when how to
cross it can be the difference between
being remembered for the right reasons
or the wrong ones one day I will become
learn to read the room someone set us up
the joke not reading body language in
conversations when you're talking to one
or more people you should be assessing
whether the other person people are
indicating that they would like to be
done talking a few indicators to watch
for are looking around the room while
you're talking instead of at you body is
not facing you but turned sideways short
answers to questions not contributing
much playing with keys phone
if you see these you can politely end
the conversation and be done talking for
the time being this is a big one once I
finally figured how to make a
conversation flow I then had to learn
this whole other thing
reading body language or vibe is good a
big one I've heard a lot is the feet
someone's torso may not be pointed at
you that I heard that a big indicator of
where their mind is is where their feet
are if they arraigned at the door they
are not looking for more if you're
wondering if a girl is into you look at
her feet if they're behind her ears she
probably likes you
succinctness I'll often overhear people
telling stories which include
impertinent details we'll leave out
crucial details without realizing how
irritating this can be one of my good
friends had this issue in that he'd
always try to protract stories to 3x the
required length I drunkenly told him how
it was aggravating listening to him
struggle to maintain focus in his
storytelling briefing and that he should
work on getting to the point especially
when speaking to senior executives
strapped for time he told me he hadn't
even realized he was doing it and later
thanked me for pointing it out I'm still
trying to figure out the sweet spot for
telling stories either I rush through
them and lose the detail that makes them
interesting quickly running out of
stories or they go on and on and on
until the conversation moves on either I
try to shorten them and end up in the
first situation or my constant ADHD
leads to a bunch of offshoot stories
that I start but don't finish them all
I'm like a recursive function that
starts something then kicks the task off
to something else I just need to reach
the final element of my list so it can
start kicking back return values and
concluding things on my program stack
once I start getting return values I'm
gonna take the world by storm confidence
is quite anxiety Speaks confident people
say I did this non confident people say
I did this because basically unless
someone asks you don't preemptively
justify or explain yourself oh I love
this thank you all good see if you can
notice it
in like waiters and salespeople if they
can't sell you something the smooth ones
say sorry we are out the flustered ones
say sorry we are out but I could try to
get you something special instead sorry
it's just we had this pagoda and it's
all gone and I live in HK local
restaurant waitstaff would just say no
more or all gone haha but I get your
point your comment resonated with me
because I realized I constantly
justified myself and as I have grown
more confident I don't do it anywhere
near as much I'm not sure you're asking
the right crowd boss I don't know a
single extra 30 uses read it law whether
you are or Aaron sure ish pregnant don't
say anything about it and how your mom
is fat I'm not even born yet
rude yes please I've been asked this in
public many times all I can do is say
that I'm not pregnant and try to hide my
red face I'm kind of fat unfortunately
especially around the belly but not
obese so I understand that people make
mistakes but it still stings when
someone actually thinks I'm pregnant
I can't entirely help my appearance I
used to get this a lot allow me you make
full eye contact no I'm just fat give it
a minute
well at least only one of us is
embarrassed as well as demonstrating how
rude the behavior is it's honestly so
empowering lack of confidence in no stud
that I can get a conversation going
anyone who has trouble maintaining eye
contact or doesn't know what to do with
their hands are pretty common also that
someone please talk to me look also
don't eat up my break time talking about
work Kelly
it makes me avoid you also don't eat up
my break time talking about work the
people I work with mostly only talk
about work and it drives me insane I
share staff room was several older women
I wish they'd talk about work rather
than what grandchild hash three did with
their toes the other day be careful what
you wish for ironically I have found
that socially awkward people tend to
struggle with silence they get visibly
uncomfortable
and I imagine it's because they are
overthinking the scenario socially
fluent people are usually like that
because the conversations they have are
natural and they do not try to force
things if I'm with someone in neither of
us have anything to talk about I have no
issue with the quiet this seems to be
especially true in relationships you
know you are with the right person when
you can talk for hours and not get sick
of each other
but you can also be in each other's
presence without a word being said and
still enjoy it that's when you know
you've found somebody special when you
can just shut the FK up for a minute and
comfortably enjoy the silence Maya
Wallace this is precisely the point I
try to make to my friends it is not
socially awkward to have silence don't
backtrack a conversation everyone and I
mean everyone
comes up with the perfect response
comment joke five minutes later after
the conversation moves on to a new topic
let it go you'll get another chance I
contact is a big one also don't
immediately dive into the personal
questions and oversharing am guilty of
this too
it takes practice to stop doing it I've
spent 35 years trying to learn eye
contact
I still haven't managed to be
comfortable with it but I can fake it
fairly well now it's very hit-or-miss
for me there are people that make me
feel incredibly uncomfortable when I
look them in the eye normally it's
either when they have a very apathetic
look or crazy eyes I hate making eye
contact it makes me super uncomfortable
and I feel sick doing it when people
talk to me I look at their eyebrows or
their ears or gently look from one to
the other look down for a moment or two
then look back I make sure I'm not
intensely staring either when I look
down I also look at their body language
the one thing I struggle with is how
much eye contact you make when you're
walking in the hall and Secaucus I
generally look at their face smile or
say hello for a few seconds then look
down and walk past don't mind me just a
socially awkward person taking notes
saving every single comment RN don't
talk to speak talk to listen
this should be upvoted more don't drink
significantly more alcohol than the
people you are with this is surprisingly
easy to mess up or don't drink as much
as the others only to keep up with them
and then throwing up I see a lot of them
doing it in this thread bringing up the
challenges you have faced major props
for overcoming them and all the mental
health issues you deal with again major
props start conversations assuming other
people have come up against equal more
challenges and don't try to one-up them
or be defensive if they call you out on
something everyone is facing their own
battle and even if it's not fair that
you have to know that without them
telling you it's still a necessity when
dealing with others true you can only
know your worst
so whatever someone's been through is
their worst so it's not a competition
and those who out of context bring up
their mental health issues from the past
are the same ones to be like hash em en
ta âlâ g al tha w AR NE SS let's change
society if it isn't appropriate to bring
up in conversation it's a pretty odd way
to keep the convo up you're basically
having a conversation with someone else
just about you to get kudos if the
subject came up in the natural flow of
conversation that's fine but some people
wake up and decide they're going to go
around telling everyone how hard they've
had it and how far they've come all the
time
super prolonged eye contact eye contact
is great and all but when you're telling
a story or having a conversation it's
very normal for your eyes to move around
the room it's super uncomfortable when
someone stares straight at you when
you're talking and they don't ever break
eye contact for over 20 minutes I've got
a friend that does this he will
literally just stare you down sometimes
without any break-in eye contact
it makes me quite uncomfortable some of
the time that I usually just try to
ignore it by looking around in other
areas I need to get this through my head
because I make a lot of eye contact I've
never felt like I've made other people
uncomfortable but now I'm replaying
every interaction I've ever had and now
I want to KMS while you are at it
don't joke about killing yourself it's
not funny if you have a joke to make
make it loudly and casually if it
doesn't land move on
nothing is more crunchy than when
someone tells a joke everyone ignores it
we see it is bad and then they keep
making it until they get some
recognition I was dating a girl once and
went to a family dinner at her parents
her brother grabbed a can of pop and
says to the whole table I'm gonna have a
beer with dinner a root beer Zero laughs
nobody even cracked a smile he attempted
this three more times during the dinner
eventually everyone kinda run
comfortably went Hey
just to get him to move past it broke up
with her a few months later that is
truly one of the worst ones to witness
law socially fluent people have ridet
I've got a question for you yeah both of
you when they don't know when to stop
talking there are so many physical cues
to when someone is done talking but when
you're unaware and keep blathering on my
second hand embarrassment just spikes
leave the cashier alone cow she's just
being polite sitting in a group of
people playing games on your phone why
even bother not excusing this but people
who are anxious or under a lot of stress
tend to do this in an effort to distract
themselves their phones provide an easy
way to calm themselves down because
every owns too engaged with each other
for me to break in nobody will come talk
to me or include me in the group and
I've got nothing better to do while I
question why I even showed up you need
to give off a vibe or energy of
confidence even if you don't have it
faking that you have it eventually
allows you to really have it don't worry
so much about being wrong instead focus
on projecting your best self and
interacting with others in good ways I
can understand the fake it till you make
it advice and it can work but acting and
projecting a version of myself all day
is very exhausting don't fake it until
you make it be it until you become it
I'm not the most socially fluent out
there but ffs please stop staying I'm a
nice guy girl you are definitely not if
you have to repeat
it constantly apologizing instead of
thanking rather than saying sorry for
being late thank them for being patient
or when it's urgent
don't apologize for taking their time
say if I could have a moment of your
time instead thank you that I slept with
your sister good advice
terrible example of the wrong is on your
end acknowledge it instead of trying to
downplay it with a phrase that prompts
oh you're welcome no problem response a
thing that I see a lot is people saying
that nobody likes them or they have no
friends I see this in a couple of my
friends and it makes it really hard to
try and support them when they disregard
my efforts to be there for them even
when they are clearly exaggerating one
of the worst things insecure people do
is just blatantly expose all their
insecurities through the thin veil of a
joke everyone understands it's not a
joke
everyone gets put in a very awkward
position and it doesn't net the insecure
person any social points quite the
opposite
not making eye contact am I the only one
who thinks that sometimes people give
too much eye contact in most social
situations I prefer we have something
else to observe than just our faces
other times suddenly I'm being
introduced to someone and have to make
prolonged weird eye contact with a
stranger for me looking at the eyes is
like looking at the Sun it's too much
for me
my manager pointed this out to me during
a meeting a few months ago asked me why
I had a problem with it and said she
noticed a pattern glance at the eyes
look right look down back to the eyes
embarrassed to say I've been putting a
ton of effort and practice into it had
my first date in a while last week and I
noticed halfway through I was doing eye
contact really well without realizing it
second date next week
