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hi I'm dr. Ryan fuller and I'm going to
talk to you a little bit about some
anger techniques you can use when
dealing with a romantic partner whether
it's boyfriend girlfriend or spouse so
the first thing is there are some
advantages when the anger actually is
coming from someone you know and someone
who wants you to decrease your anger the
first is and I recommend this to lots of
clients that you contract with with the
partner ahead of time what you're going
to do when you begin to notice that
you're becoming stressed or angry and
that he or she is aware of what you're
going to do when that takes place to
calm yourself down that allows him or
her to be able to make space for you to
check out and so what I typically have
them do is they'll call a timeout and
they'll signal that in a way that works
for the two of them it doesn't matter if
it's a hand signal or a particular word
or they can just say timeout and then
there has to be some pre-negotiated idea
about when they're going to revisit the
topic or the situation at hand so that
the partner doesn't think this person is
avoiding it forever but rather they're
allowing the boyfriend girlfriend or
spouse to step out and in fact bring
their anger down so that when he or she
returns there can be sort of respectful
effective communication and
problem-solving the second tool that's
very useful and is an advantage that
couples can use instead of when you're
dealing with anger coming from a
stranger is I recommend weekly meetings
I typically have them call it a steering
meeting where on a regular basis we can
kind of sit down and go over what's been
going well and what's been particularly
difficult it might lead to an anger
issue what that does is it allows both
parties to recognize there's a time and
place to discuss things that are
bothering them and we don't allow things
to build up and fester and wear
resentments can grow and eventually
distance can occur between the couple so
those are two techniques that I think
work very well with couples and I
recommend that if you're having a
problem with your boyfriend/girlfriend
or spouse you know you certainly talk to
a professional but the main thing is you
slow things down figure out what it is
you want and together try to work
through it
you
