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do you fall in love much too fast i used
to do that oh my god
i used to oh sometimes even look back on
it with a kind of
warmth and uh melancholy nostalgia i
suppose yeah the pain of looking back
and thinking about how
innocent and foolish and lovely
i was from i reckon i started falling in
love too fast when i was 11 years old
and a deer
that's who i first fell in love with too
fast but then laura benson
oh my god there was so many people that
i fell in love with too fast
amanda this i'm an adult now i was a
child in those first ones
amanda i was about i was in my 20s then
fell in love like wallop like a smack in
the mouth it's like the love is there
in me like i'm uh inflated with it that
it is indeed my
life force love this appetite this
magnetism
to pull together long before it became
eroticized in my adolescence i wasn't
very nervous awkward adolescent there
was no
sexual confidence going on it it was a
just a very pure
kind of longing a longing
to love and be loved a kind of
worshipful state really very
open-faced teary-eyed devotion
life hardened me as life
seems to and i think what happened then
is i perhaps became
you know i still i've always had that
potential to fall in love quickly to
sort of do the maths quickly in my head
oh this person this one's the one
you know i feel the confetti falling
even when the we're still eating the
bread rolls on the first date i mean
i wouldn't have a bread right now i try
to own the
vegetation and protein but
for me falling in love it was a sort of
i think it's common for addicts as well
addicts i think fall in love a lot
because of the appetite the first the
first for spirit
the risk of course if you fall in love i
mean when you're adolescent
you're still going to get your heart
broken perhaps you never get your heart
broken that badly again perhaps no one
ever hurts you the way that you're hurt
as a kid i mean i know there's the
complications when you're an adult when
there's financial
complications and to extricate yourself
from when there's children god but when
you fall in love fast when you're
falling people in love with people
you've just met
the sense that i get you know like how
it works in mythology
like with eros or cupid or whatever
shooting you without arrow
it's a sense that some external thing
has
bewildered dumbfounded spellbound and
enchanted you now that
is beautiful from a like an evolutionary
psychologist would say
well that is nature's way of making you
procreate of making you
take risk of bewildering you making you
put aside all other commitments
connections and commitment and
conditions in order to pursue that love
indeed like an arrow
shortest route possible get there get
the connection get the love
but there are people that i know that
fallen in love quickly and stay together
but
i sense that this this euphoria
does not endure is not sustainable
it is like a self uh
administered narcotic state
a dopamine flood that would be
exhausting to live with my sense is
that this is how you know if you're
in love am i willing to change am i
willing to sacrifice
am i willing to put this person's needs
out of mind
if you're not willing to do that what
you're experiencing is
just perhap possibly attraction and
affection and
it could be a carnal yearning
until you're willing to do those things
and sustain those things you don't
really have a platform for longevity but
i feel sometimes that perhaps longevity
you know there's more to life than life
you know perhaps
you can fall in love with someone for
half an hour i can remember sort of
i remember once i'd not long been clean
going on holiday to somewhere in
thailand and
meeting a woman on the beach and i
wasn't i was nervous and stuff and i
wasn't it was the first time i went to
have a couple of mates and i
met this woman we ended up sleeping with
each other i
really wanted to see her the next day
i'd like you know
like you know it is like sex is
obviously fantastic and stuff
but i wanted something more than that i
remember
reaching out to her it would have been
on this was before smartphones it would
have been one of those texts where you
had to press the button three times
to get an m you know well i don't know
it would be
for three times pedantic because we went
love
and i remember she weren't like that she
wasn't interested in seeing me and
defect i didn't see her again
it was very confronting not because of
the rejection although a bit that mostly
because i recognized that i sort of my
guts
my life was so exciting so exposed and
had such
a lot of yearning in me this happened to
me quite a lot in my life you know
even when i remember like as a
famous person like sleeping with
people and like i didn't want them to
leave sometimes
i was always looking for more but now
what i recognize
is that love is very powerful beautiful
force this feeling of yearning but
for me it's very important to remove the
selfishness from it
real love don't look it ain't so
acquisitive it's not about control it's
not about holding on
it's about letting go real love is quite
sort of painful i like a buzz
don't get me wrong the thing is though
for me
thankfully i can't handle a buzz i can't
sustain a buzz i'll give my whole life
over to a buzz whether it's heroine or
falling in love so
what i would say if you're the type of
person who does fall in love fast
you're the exactly the sort of person
that should not fall in love too fast
and should not prioritize these things
like because this the price of love is
pain
you know eventually the pain is coming
think about what job you are giving
that emotion that feeling are you
allowing it and make you feel better
about yourself do you feel that you are
deficient without that love are you
trying to import
self-worth self-esteem things that ought
be generated within through service
through kindness through interaction and
through relationship but not endowed
upon you
like some mom like something from above
like you are benighted by love knighted
not be knighted
knighted by love if you're a person that
falls in love too quickly you may need
to give yourself some perspective you
may need to interrogate yourself a
little bit you may need to consider the
number of times you felt the very same
things for different people and think is
it objectively about this other person
or indeed am i just allowing people to
be
kind of floating mandalas upon which i
project my constant need for approval
and affirmation and my desire to escape
myself
all of us like to be plunged into that
hormonal cloud of euphoric love but
it's very very difficult to live there
think about what it is you want from
your life think about where you're
trying to get to
and if what you want is some kind of
serenity some kind of truth some kind of
stability some connection to something
profound something real in your life
something real that doesn't feel
transient not something that's just
flicking past you on your phone
then you have to be willing to witness
those feelings
then you have to be willing to give that
love to
or devote or direct that love towards
something that can handle it and i think
you will probably discover that it is a
spiritual and religious impulse that
you're feeling rather than a romantic
one roman
romanticism itself the endowing of
objects or phenomenal
people with divine qualities
give the divine to the divine you know
to caesar what he sees as the god
what is god's and for me love
even if it is the love of another person
must be connected to divinity and
therefore
service and selflessness that might be
your way out of this
mad carousel of falling in love with
people and
giving your heart out like a ferraro
rocher
you
