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a young man sits down at his computer at
5 p.m as part of his daily routine to
watch a couple hours of youtube videos
by this time in the day he is usually
tired anxious and unmotivated he knows
this but has never done anything to
change his circumstances and feelings
but today is different today he decides
to seek guidance on his problems through
youtube he binge watches many different
popular self-improvement channels all of
which seem to have a solution to each of
his problems eventually this person's
youtube recommendation contains nothing
but self-improvement content and that's
when he is finally presented with a
video that has a word he's never
discovered before and that word is nofap
he decides to click on the video and is
instantly awestruck with the
possibilities that come from this new
practice women attraction more energy
more muscle more confidence the benefits
seemed endless he's instantly hooked and
needs to know more the next four hours
of his life is dedicated to watching
more nofap benefits videos and scrolling
through the subreddit for motivation and
before he knows it it's 10 p.m and it's
time to get ready for bed as he gets
into bed he's eager to start his first
official day of nofap and see all those
positive benefits that everyone was
preaching about the day's pass by him
and he thinks he can feel it working
he's never had so much motivation and
energy to do the right things in his
life he's not afraid to talk to new
people and adopts more healthy habits by
day 23 he feels like an entirely new man
but then tragedy strikes as he's looking
for more nofap content to shove down his
throat he sees a thumbnail with an
attractive woman in it before he knows
it and without his own control he's
opened up an incognito tab and done what
he wished he'd never do again he's
relapsed
as he wakes up the next morning he's
convinced that everything feels the way
it was before he decided to watch that
first video he feels like he's lost all
the progress he's made in the past three
weeks and because of this he beats
himself up so much to the point where
things are even worse than before he
started his journey of not whacking and
he can't shake this mindset no matter
how hard he tries this is the story of a
person who is not only brainwashed but
someone who is way too hard on
themselves if there's one thing that
i've learned in this space of
self-improvement and seeing all the dms
and messages and comments that i get
it's that all of you guys are way too
hard on yourselves and it's just
such an extreme point that anything that
you deem to be negative that you do
intentionally or unintentionally will
affect you for days months or even years
so let me share with you some of the
things that i've realized when it comes
to being too hard on yourself the first
thing i realized about being too hard on
myself was that my learned thought
patterns greatly dictated my physical
and emotional reactions to my mistakes
this is because your behavior of beating
yourself up too hard for something
you've done wrong was most likely
developed when you were young and is now
etched in your brain with permanent
marker through repetition let me know if
this sounds like you perhaps as a young
child you weren't afraid to try anything
new you explored whatever there was to
life to experience life in its fullest
even if that exploration led you to
sadness pain sorrow or failure well
eventually later down the line you had
teachers parents and friends criticizing
you in the wrong way for making a
mistake or doing the wrong thing they
would say things like how could you be
so stupid look at what you did now
you're worse because of it and that was
wrong of you to do if this is the most
common reaction other people are giving
to your mistakes as a child this is
going to be your most common reaction to
your mistakes and the key to overcoming
this is finding the root of these
thoughts and replacing them so let's use
nofap again as an example oh my god he
said the word he said the word
see that reaction right there is going
to be part of the reason why relapsing
affects you so much
when i became immersed in the idea of
nofap what people were telling me online
is that when you release you lose all
your energy and your confidence and your
ability to attract women all of that and
because there were so many of these
videos that i would watch on a regular
basis i started to take this information
as truth and in a way it was the truth
but only for my subjective experience
because i associated doing the thing
with your thing with the word relapse
now what is the term relapse usually
used for usually we use this term for
someone who has a serious addiction to
something while i may have been addicted
to adult websites during my late teens
once i got into my early 20s i really
did not choke the chicken that much but
once i got into the nofap culture
anytime i would do that i would consider
it a relapse and this word has an
extremely negative connotation to it it
sounds like you've committed a terrible
act so when i did relapse and i told
myself that i relapsed all the emotions
i associated with the word relapse would
take me over and that was the main
reason that releasing felt so awful when
i did it every week or two not the
actual release itself so here's what i
had to do to transform this reaction
firstly and i mean this is pretty
obvious i just had to stop consuming so
much of this content having a serious
attachment and obsession to almost
anything can cause an extreme negative
overreaction if you do not abide by the
rules of that thing or you lose said
thing secondly i started catching these
thoughts when they arise if i did end up
doing it i noticed that i said things
like there goes all your progress i can
feel that i'm less powerful i feel like
no woman want me now and things are
harder to do when i caught these
thoughts i'd write them down on a piece
of paper or in my journal then directly
under them i wrote the more positive
thought response that was necessary
instead of there goes all my progress i
started saying this does not make me any
different of a person than i was before
i did it instead of i can feel that i'm
less powerful i said has anything really
changed nah i'm just as powerful even if
i did accidentally manage to do this
instead of i failed i say this is a
challenge and challenges make me better
stuff like that and it's important to
know that some things that you do will
almost be like a step back in a way and
not good for you and i'm not giving you
an excuse to like do bad things i'm just
telling you that if you beat yourself up
too much and you don't know how to learn
from your mistakes and to take that as a
positive thing in a way then mistakes
just affect you so much more negatively
than they need to like so many people
don't understand that growth and
progress in life it doesn't look like
just a straight linear line going up it
looks like this just boom boom boom
stupid but it's still like going up in a
way and i noticed that the more that i
stepped away from that community and the
more that i focused on how i felt
instead of how i thought after doing it
every once in a while i realized i was
massively overreacting and i just went
about my day as if nothing happened the
length of time in which it will take you
to learn this will be different for
everybody based on how badly you were
condemned for doing the wrong things or
making mistakes but i promise you that
it can be done and what will make this
easier for you to do is to start to
adopt some sort of mindfulness
meditation practice because that allows
you to catch your thoughts easier when
they arise and treat them without
judgment so i'll just leave some links
to some guided meditations on youtube
below or like apps that you can use that
are free too you guys know i love my
meditation the other thing that i
realized about my inability to be less
hard on myself was my complete lack of
ability to forgive to forgive not only
myself but others too people don't
realize that forgiveness is one of the
most powerful skills that you can adopt
but many people regard it as a weakness
because you're just letting people take
advantage of you if you forgive them too
many times but that is far from the
definition of forgiveness that i'm
talking about there are people in this
world who have done me very dirty and
caused me trauma that i still kind of
have till this day and although i never
want to see them again or hang out with
them again i do forgive them being
stepped on and taken advantage of is a
weakness but deeply and truly forgiving
someone no matter how wrong they did you
and then walking away from them is a
sign of extreme courage and strength and
as a result it makes it much easier for
you to forgive yourself too this is
because many of the bad things we see in
people are often a reflection of the bad
things that we suppress within ourselves
oftentimes when someone makes a mistake
and you can't forgive them for it it's
because you lack the ability to forgive
yourself for making similar mistakes
if you truly did something that you
believe was negative to you or others
then the first step that you need to
take is to acknowledge that you did this
and take accountability for it allow
yourself to feel those emotions that
come with your mistake it's natural for
everybody to feel this way after they've
done something that they're not happy
with as soon as you label the mistake as
wrong and as you getting worse that's
when the mistake starts to damage you
physically and mentally more than it
needs to instead just allow yourself to
accept the mistake without passing
judgment onto it and do this same
process if someone has done something
wrong to you and then tell yourself or
tell this person or people i mean you
can actually tell them or you can just
say it out loud and express it to
yourself that yes i forgive you i
understand that all human beings are
fundamentally flawed and that we all do
up sometimes and that's just a
part of life life is unjust and you're
just gonna get on sometimes or do
the wrong thing and expecting perfection
from yourself or from other humans is
just expecting us to be robots basically
and this is why i needed to tell you the
first realization that i had before i
told you this one because when you
realize it was mostly other people's
opinions and statements that they gave
you as a child that made you have this
sort of reaction to negative things you
might start to want to condemn them and
not forgive them and blame them and play
the victim for you being this way but
you must learn to forgive them and
acknowledge that it's up to you to
change these thoughts within yourself
not them repeat this process until you
really feel that weight come off because
each grudge that we hold within
ourselves whether it's about us or other
people
is weighing you down and making it much
more difficult for you to keep walking
forward and when you start to apply this
process putting one foot in front of the
other will become effortless okay yo
guys just wanted to make a quick
announcement at the end of this video a
lot of you guys don't know that i have a
self-help book that i wrote a year ago
it's called the middle way how to
strategically use laziness to enhance
your creative power now i usually have
physical books and ebooks on my website
but right now i only have ebooks and
it's 20 off until the end of sunday or
monday i'm not sure when i'm gonna do it
yet and when i put up this video i think
there will only be like one day left in
the sale and i'm doing something special
with it so these are like the only two
physical copies that i have so if you
buy the ebook version of this i'm gonna
pick one person who buys the ebook
version to win a signed copy of the
physical version and i'll just send it
out to you completely for free so if you
want to take part in the chance to win a
physical signed copy of my self-help
book then go to the link in the
description and thank you to all my
patrons on this channel on patreon if
you don't know what this is it's a
platform where i'm putting out exclusive
videos and podcasts you can't find
anywhere else if you want to check that
out it's in the description as well but
that's it for this video goodbye
everybody hope that this helped
