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do you hate yourself bloody hell
it seems so severe I don't even like
saying it out loud but there have been
times in my life sometimes not that long
ago where I have felt self-hatred when I
break it down it's not that I hate my
essence is maybe I hate behaviors or
feel like I can't live with myself
anymore Eckhart Tolle used that phrase
brilliantly I can't live with myself
anymore recognising that that indicates
even to people self-hatred is like that
I interpret it as a desire to emulate or
burn the egoic individualized
constructed self I believe that even in
negative impulses there is something
positive that can be used and this is a
good example the self-hatred can be
regarded as a kind of awakening to the
transition you require of yourself as if
part of you knows there is no future in
the person that you've been living as I
can no longer be that man I've had many
times in my life where I felt I've had
to transition between the person I was
an obvious example person who uses drugs
to person who doesn't use drugs person
who is acting out addictively around
sexual behaviors to person who isn't
acting out the same with obsessing about
fame I'm still subject to it I still get
subjects of moments of like essentially
any time I think an external thinker
make me feel better I am in or in into
an illusion any time I start to feel
anxious or afraid or confused I'm
entering into a into an illusion we have
the potential to feel a kind of bliss
I've done some inquiring around this
subject notably in the podcast with
David Lynch he talked about the
Maharishi he's mentor and teacher
forgive the sound of that
playing won'tcha he talked about the
Maharishi and says that he was in a
blissed-out state many people who talk
about their gurus from India talk about
a state of bliss be achievable being
achieved people from the Buddhist
tradition
I suppose it seems more of a state of
serenity I've always been drawn to the
voluptuousness of Hinduism this of a
virility and vivacity the sort of
passion and the joy of it and I feel
that if you feel self-hatred
you must learn to our chronology as a
signal for change and you did not
deserve self-hatred in my tradition
belief system that the both of those
things sound grand forgiveness is a
necessity forgive people no matter what
they have done we must approach from a
position of forgiveness for yourself not
for them certainly we must forgive
ourselves you know I've heard it said
like a we know people that have
transgressed greatly harmed others
deeply I don't think I can ever forgive
myself and it is difficult isn't it to
imagine if you've done something that's
really negatively impacted someone's
life in it serious why you may feel you
don't have the right to forgive yourself
but the tradition says that you must
forgive yourself that you can't hold on
to the illusion of who you were that
don't mean that there is no such thing
as redemption or or say atonement
atonement if the reason for your
self-hatred is you believe you have done
something that is unforgivable then you
should seek guidance for how to be
forgiving how to forgive and how to
atone or at one month I've heard it said
find a way to become at one again at one
with the person you are a one with a
person who intended to be you know even
if we've harmed people there is a way
back for us we can find a way back self
hatred can become valuable to you if you
are able to see it as a spur to
necessary transition we can't stay in it
we can't live in self-hatred it's let's
face it
it must be one of the reasons people
commit no people take their own lives
must be because of self-hatred extreme
self-pity self-hatred it's a dangerous
thing you must seek serious guidance
begin with support groups and firstly
firstly there's only two right now
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