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Jordan Peterson's Life Advice Will Change Your Future (MUST WATCH)



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You don't need to have all these things, but you better have most of them..

family, friends, career, educational goals, plans for time outside of work

attention to your mental and physical health etc.

and that's what life is about

and if you don't have any of those things well

then all you've got left is misery and suffering

so that's a bad deal for you

but once you've set up that goal structure lets say

and that's really- in many ways..

that's what you should be doing at university

that's exactly what you should be doing

is trying to figure out

who it is you are trying to be

and you aim at that

and then you use everything you've learned

as a means of building that.. person that you want to be

and i really mean want to be

i don't mean should be

even though those things are going to overlap

and it's important to distinguish between those

because that's partly and this is back down to the micro routine analysis

so while you're gonna try to make yourself more industrious,

okay number 1 specify your goals.

because how are you going to hit something if you don't know what it is

that isn't going to happen

and often people wont specify their goals too

because they don't like to specify conditions for failure

so if you keep yourself all vague and foggy

which is real easy because that's just a matter of not doing as well

then you don't know when you fail

and people might say well

i don't wanna know when i fail because that's painful

so i'll keep myself blind about when i fail

that's fine except you'll fail all the time then

you just wont know it until you failed so badly that you're done

and that can easily happen by the time you're 40

so.. so

i would recommend that you don't let that happen

so that's willful blindness

you could've known but you chose not to

okay so once you get your goal structure set up

you think okay if i get half this life

looks like that might be worth living

despite the fact that it's going to be.. you know

anxiety provoking and threatening

and there's gonna be some suffering and loss involved and all of that.. obviously

the goal is to have a vision for your life

such that

all things considered that justifies your effort

okay so.. then what do you do

then you turn down to the micro routine its like

okay this is what i'm aiming for

how does that instantiate it self

day to day, week to week, month to month

and that's where something like a schedule

can be unbelievably useful, Google calender

make a damn schedule... and stick to it

okay so what is the rule with a schedule

its not a bloody prison...

that's the first thing that people do wrong..

is well.. i don't like to follow a schedule

what kind of schedule are you setting up?

well.. i have to do this then i have to do this

and then i just go play some video games

because who wants to do all these things that i have to do

it's like WRONG. set the damn schedule up

so that you have the day you want

that's the trick, its like okay i've got tomorrow

if i was going to set it up so it's the best possible day i could have

practically speaking..

what would it look like

then you schedule that,

and obviously there's a bit of responsibility that's gonna go along with that

because if you have any sense

one of the things you're gonna insist upon is that at the end of the day

you're not in worse shape than you were at the beginning of the day

cuz that's a stupid day

if you have a bunch of these in a row you'll just dig yourself a hole

and then just bury yourself in it

sorry that's just not a good strategy

it's a bad strategy.. so

maybe 20% of your day has to be responsibility and obligation

and maybe it's more than that depending on how far behind you are

but even that you can ask yourself okay

well i've got these responsibilities

i have to schedule the damn things in

what's the right ratio of responsibility to reward

and you can ask yourself that just like you'd negotiate with someone working for you

its like.. okay you've got a work tomorrow

..okay so i want you to work tomorrow and you might say

okay what are you gonna do for me

that makes it likely that i'll work for you

well you could ask yourself that you know.

maybe do an hour of responsibility

and play a video game for 15 minutes i don't know

whatever turns your crank man but..

you have to negotiate with yourself and not tyrannize yourself

like you're negotiating with someone

that you care for

that you'd like to be productive and have a good life and..

and that's how you make your schedule

and then you look at the day and you think..

if i had that day that'd be good.. Great!

and you know you're useless and horrible so you only hit it with about 70% accuracy

but that beats the hell out of 0%

and if you hit it even with 50% accuracy aim for 51% the next week

or 50.5% for god's sake

because you're gonna hit that position

where things start loop back positively and spiral you upward

so that's one way you can work on your conscientiousness

is to plan a life that you'd like to have.

and you do that partly by.. referring to social norms.

that's more less than rescuing your father from the belly of the whale

but the other way you do that is by having a little conversation with yourself

as if you don't know who you are

because you know who you're like.. you know what you're told

you won't do what you tell yourself to do

you must've noticed that.

it's like you're a bad employee and a worse boss

and both of those work for you

you don't know what you want to do and

then you tell yourself what to do you don't do it anyways.

you should fire yourself and find someone else to be.

you have to understand that you're not your own servant.

you're someone you have to negotiate with

and you're someone that..

that you want to present the opportunity of having a good life to

and that's hard for people because they don't like themselves very much

and they're always like..

cracking the whip.. and then procrastinating X2

and it's like god..

it's so boring and such a pathetic way of spending your time

and you know what that's like..

because you probably waste like 6 hours a day

and i think we did an economic calculation about that a while back

your time is probably worth $50 an hour

something like that.. i mean

you're not getting paid that now.. but you're young.

so this is investment time,

what you do now is going to multiply its effects in the future

so let's say it's $50 an hour which is perfectly reasonable

so if you waste 6 hours a day and you are.

then you're wasting about $2k a week and about a $100k a year

so go ahead but that's what it's costing you every hour.

you need to know what your damn time is worth

so let's say it's not $50 it's $30 whatever maybe it's a hundred

it's somewhere in that range.

one of the things you should be asking yourself is..

when you spend an hour is that well..

what if i paid someone $50 to have had that hour

and if the answer is no then maybe you should do something else with your time

it depends on whether or not you think that your time is worth while

but the funny thing about not assuming that

is if you assume your time isn't worth while

what happens is you don't just sit around

sort of randomly in a state of responsibility list bliss

what you do is you suffer existentially

and so that seems like a stupid solution

you know if you take people

and you expose them voluntarily to things that they are avoiding

and are afraid of

that they know they need to overcome in order to meet their goals..

their self-defined goals

if you can teach people to stand up in the face of the things they're afraid of

they get stronger

and you don't know what the upper limits to that are

because you might ask yourself like

if for ten years if you didn't avoid doing what you knew you needed to do

by your own definitions

within the value structure that you've created to the degree that you've done that

what would you be like!

well.. you know there are remarkable people who come into

the world from time to time

and there are people who do find out over decades long periods

what they could be like if they were who they were

if they said.. if they spoke their being forward,

and they'd get stronger and stronger and stronger

and we don't know the limits to that

we do not know the limits to that

and so you could say well in part perhaps

the reason that you're suffering unbearably can be left at your feet

because you're not everything you could be and you know it

and of course that's a terrible thing to admit

and it's a terrible thing to consider

but there's real promise in it

because it means that

perhaps there's another way that you could look at the world

and another way that you could act in the world

so what it would reflect back to you

would be much better than what it reflects back to you now

and then the second part of that is well

imagine that many people did that

because we've done a lot as human beings

we've done a lot of remarkable things

and I've told you already.. I think before

today for example about 250k people will be lifted out of abject poverty

and about 300,000 people are attached to the electrical power grid

we're making people..

were lifting people out of poverty collectively

at a faster rate that's ever ocurred in the history of humankind by a huge margin

and that's been going on unbelievably quickly since the year 2000

the UN plan to have poverty between 2000 and 2015

and it was accomplished by 2013

so there's inequality developing in many places

and you hear lots of political agitation about that

but overall..

the tide is lifting everyone up and that's a great thing

and we have no idea how fast we can multiply that

if people got their act together and really aimed at it

because you know.. my experience is with people that were probably running

at about 51% of our capacity..

i mean you can think about this yourselves

I often ask undergraduates how many hours a day you waste

or how many hours a week you waste

and the classic answer is something like four to six hours a day

you know inefficient studying.. watching things on youtube

that not only do you not want to watch that you don't even care about

that make you feel horrible after watching after you're done

that's probably four hours right there

now you think well that's 25 hours a week - 100 hours a month

that's two and a half full work weeks,

it's half a year of work weeks PER YEAR..

and if your time is worth $20 an hour which is a radical underestimate

it's more like $50 if you think about it in terms of deferred wages

if you're wasting 20 hours a week

you're wasting $50k a year

and you are doing that right now and it's..

because you're young wasting $50k a year is a way bigger catastrophe

than it would be for me to waste it because i'm not gonna last nearly as long

and so if your life isn't everything it could be

you can ask yourself well.. what would happen if you just stopped wasting

the opportunities that are in front of you

you'd be.. who knows how much more efficient.

10x more efficient.. 20x more efficient.

that's the pareto distribution

you have no idea how efficient efficient people get

it's completely- it's off the charts..

well and if we all got our act together collectively

and stopped making things worse

because that's another thing people do all the time

not only they do not do what they should to make things better

they actively attempt to make things worse

because they're spiteful or resentful or arrogant or deceitful or..

or homicidal or genocidal or all of those things all

all bundled together in an absolutely pathological package

if people stopped really really trying just to make things worse

we have no idea how much better they would get just because of that

so there's this weird dynamic that's part of the existential system of ideas

between human vulnerability, social judgment

both of which are major causes of suffering

and the failure of the individuals to adopt the resposibility that

they know they should adopt

and that's the thing that's interesting too is that..

and like.. the another thing that i've often asked my undergraduate classes is

you know.. there's this idea that people have that people have a conscience

and you know what the conscience is it's..

it's this feeling or voice you have in your head

just before you do something that you know is stupid telling you..

that probably you shouldn't do that stupid thing

you don't have to listen to it strangely enough

but you go ahead and do it anyways and then of course..

exactly what the conscience told you was going to happen inevitably happens

so that you feel even stupider about it than you would if it happened by accident

because you know..

i knew this was going to happen...

i got a warning it was going to happen..

and i went and did it anyways

and the funny thing too is that that conscience operates within people

and we really don't understand what the hell that is.

so you might say well what would happen if you abided

by your conscience for 5yrs or for 10yrs..

what sort of position might you be in..

what sort of family might you have

what sort of relationship might you be able to forge

and you can be bloody sure that a relationship that's forged on

the basis of who you actually are is going to be a lot stronger and more

welcomed than one that's forged on the basis of who you aren't

now of course that means that the person you're with has to deal with

the full force of you in all your ability and your catastrophe

and that's a very very difficult thing to negotiate.

but if you do negotiate it, well at least you have something..

you have somewhere solid to stand and you have somewhere to live

you have a real life

and it's a great basis upon which to bring children into

the world for example because you can have an actual relationship with

them instead of torturing them half to death which is what happens in

a tremendously large minority of cases

well it's more than that too and this is what i'll close with

and this is why i wanted to introduce social nets as ratings to you

you see because it isn't merely that your fate depends on

whether or not you get your act together and to what degree you

decide that you're going to live out your own genuine being

it isn't only your fate, it's the fate of everyone that you're networked with.

and so you know you think well..

there's seven billion people in the world

(we're going to peak at about 9B by the way)

and then it'll decline rapidly but..

seven people in the world and who are you! you're just

one little dust mote among that seven billion and so it really doesn't

matter what you do or don't do but that's simply no the case

it's the wrong model

because you're at the center of a network

you're a node in a network.

of course that's even more true now that we have social media

you'll.. you'll know a thousand people at least over the course of your life

and they'll know a thousand people each

and that puts you one person away from a million

and two persons away from a billion!

and so that's how you're connected

and the things you do.. they're like dropping a stone in a pond..

the ripples move outward and affect things in ways that you can't fully comprehend.

and it means that the things that you do and that you don't do are far more important than you think.

and so if you act it of course the terror of realizing that is that it actually starts to matter you do

and you might say well that's better than living a meaningless existence, it's better for it to matter

but i mean if you really asked yourself would you be so sure,

if you had the choice: i can live with no responsibility whatsoever then the price i pay is that nothing matters..

or i can reverse it and everything matters, but i have to take the responsibility that's associated with that

it's not so obvious to me that people would take the meaningful path

now when you say well nihilist suffered dreadfully because there's no meaning in their life and

they still suffer yeah but the advantages they have no responsibility

so that's the payoff and I actually think that's the motivation

say well I can't help being nihilistic all my belief systems have collapsed,

it's like yeah maybe

maybe you've just allowed them to collapse because it's a hell of a lot easier than acting them out

and the price you pay is some meaningless suffering but you can always whine about that and people will feel sorry for you

and you have the option of taking the pathway of the martyr so that's a pretty good deal all things considered

especially when the alternative is to bear your burden properly and to live forthrightly in the world

what Solzhenitsyn figured out and so many people

in the 20th century it's not just him even though he's the best example is that...

if you live a pathological life you pathologize your society

and if enough people do that then it's hell

Really... really

and you can read the Gulag Archipelago if you have the fortitude to do that and you'll see exactly what hell is like

and then you can decide if that's a place you'd like to visit

or even more importantly if it's a place you'd like to visit and take all your family and friends.

because that's what happened in the 20th century.

how to think about motivation

well think about it from the hypothalamic perspective

so we could say one thing that motivation does is set goals

we could say that emotions track progress towards goals..

I'm gonna use that schema even though it's not exactly right

so you say well motivation determines where you're gonna aim

so if you're hungry you're gonna aim at something to eat

and then that will organize your perceptions

so that you zero out everything that isn't relevant to that task

which is almost everything..

you concentrate on those few things that are going to facilitate

your movement forward when you encounter those things that produces positive emotion

as you move through the world towards your goal

and you see that things are laying themselves out that facilitate your movement forward

those things cause positive emotion.

and if you encounter anything that gets in the way then that produces negative emotion

and it can be.. like threat because you're not supposed to

encounter something that gets in the way

it can be anger so that you move it away it can be

frustration, disappointment, grief

those would.. if you had a response that serious to an obstacle

it would probably punish the little motivated frame right out of existence

you know.. so you walk down stairs and the contracting company is set a

wrecking ball through your kitchen..

it's like, that's going to be disappointing..

you're not going to keep eating the peanut butter sandwich in the rubble..

that little frame is going to get punished out of existence

and some new goal is going to pop up instead

and you know, one of the things we're going to try to sort out is how do you decide

when you've encountered an obstacle that's so big that you should just quit and

go do something else because that's not obvious.

you know and.. you can get into counter productive persistence pretty easily

so.. we don't know how people solve that problem it's a really complicated one

so anyways we're gonna work on that scenario...

your hypothalamus pops up micro goals that are directly relevant to biological survival

that produces a frame of reference..

so it's not a goal it's not a drive and it's not a collection of behaviors

it's of little personality and the personality has a viewpoint..

it has thoughts that go along with it, it has perceptions, it has action tendencies, all of that..

you can see this in addiction, most particularly.

so one of the things that you find often with people who are alcoholic

is they lie all the time and that's because they built a little

alcohol dependent personality inside of themselves..

or a big one, maybe it's 90% of the personality

and one of the things that consists of

is all the rationalizations that they've used over the years

to justify their addiction to themselves and to other people..

and so the addiction has a personality

and so when the person is off maybe they're addicted to meth or something like that

where we know that the addiction is more..

short-term powerful that I would say than an alcohol addiction

they'll say anything...

and the words are just tools used to get towards the goal

and if they happen to be deceptive, whatever, it doesn't matter

they're just practical tools to get towards the goal

and then when you get towards the goal and you take a nice shot of meth or something like that

you reinforce all those rationales that you use to get the drug then

the next time you're even a better deceiver and liar

so okay so we're gonna say motivations..

one way of thinking about them is they set goals

but it's not the right way of thinking about it

they produce a whole framework of interpretation..

and so we're gonna think about that framework of interpretation

and then emotions emerge inside of that

so that's it so the world is framed, motivation set goals. you could say the world

has to be framed. so motivation sets that frame whose goals emotions perceptions and actions

and then actions track progress so..

positive emotion says you're moving forward properly towards your goal

and if you encounter something you don't expect you stop

that's anxiety it's like oh we're not where we thought we were

and so we don't know what to do? so we should stop because we don't know where we are,

what we're doing, stop, frozen.

and then the more powerful negative emotions like pain

they might make you get out of there

so emotions, forward, stop reverse. that's your emotions within that motivated frame.

and that's another example of how your mind is embedded in your body

you know emotions are like they're-

they're offshoots of action tendencies that's the right way to think about it

because action is everything.. fundamentally

so what are some basic motivations?

most of these are regulated by the hypothalamus by the way

and that tells you just how important a control system is

the other thing that's useful to know about the hypothalamus is that

it has projections going up from it that are like tree trunks

and inhibitory projections coming down that are like grape vines

so you can kind of control your hypothalamus

as long as it's not on too much

but if it's on in any serious way it's like- it.. it wins.

so partly what you do to stop yourself from falling under the Dominion of your hypothalamus

is to never ever be anywhere where it's action is necessary

you don't want to go into a biker bar

because you might find yourself in a situation

where panicked defensive aggression is immediately necessary

you probably don't want that

you don't want the panic you don't want the terror you don't want the frenzied fight

you don't want any of that you don't want to have to run away in absolute panic.

so you just don't go there

and a huge a huge part of how we regulate our emotions

is just by never going anywhere where we have to experience them

and so that has very little to do with internal inhibitory control

and everything to do with staying where you belong

the myth of mental illness by Thomas szasz, it's a classic. you should read it.

if you're interested in psychology..

READ IT

and he basically said most people have problems in living.

they don't have psychological problems

and so I've experienced despite my love for the psychoanalysts

very frequently what I'm doing as a therapist

is helping people have a life that would work

and you can parameterize that it's like..

what do you need

how about some friends? people kind of like that.

how about an intimate relationship

with someone that you can trust that maybe has a future. that'd be good.

how about a career that puts you in a dominant hierarchy somewhere

so at least you've go some possibility of rising

and some possibility of stabilizing yourself

and a schedule in a routing because no one can live without a routine. just forget that,

if you guys don't have a routine I would recommend like you get one going because

you cannot be mentally healthy without a routine you need to pick a time to get up,

whatever time you want but pick one and stick to it,

because otherwise you dis regulate your circadian rhythms and they regulate your mood.

and eat something in the morning..

I had lots of clients who've had anxiety disorders..

I had one client who was literally starving..

very smart girl

she- there's very little that she liked she kind of tried to subsist on like half a cup of rice a day

she came to me and said: I have no energy I come home all I want to do

is watch the same movie over and over is that weird

and I thought well it depends on how hard you work you know.

it's a little weird but.. whatever

it's familiar you're looking for comfort..

so I did an analysis of her diet, it's like..

3/4 of a cup of rice it's like you're starving.

eat something... you know..

you'll feel better!

so she modified her diet and all her anxiety went away and she had some energy!

like yeah.. you've got to eat!

so...

schedule, that's a good thing man

your brain will thank you for it.

it will stabilize your nervous system..

with a bit of a plan that's a good thing

you need a career, you need something productive to do with your time

you need to regulate your use of drugs and alcohol.. most particularly alcohol

you need a family... like the family you have your parents and all that.

would be nice if you all got along you can work on that that's a good thing to work on

and then you know you probably need children at some point that's life... that's what life is

and if you're missing- you know you may have a good reason to not be operating on one of those dimensions..

it's not mandatory but

I can tell you that if you're not operating reasonably well on four- I think I mentioned six

if you're not operating reasonably well on at least three of them there's no way you're going to be

psychologically thriving and that's more pragmatic in some sense than psychological right..

human beings have a nature there's things we need and if we have them well that's good!

and if we don't have them well then we feel the lack

and so behaviorists, behavioral psychologists concentrate a lot more on that sort of thing.

you know it's practical

strategizing

make a career plan figure out how to negotiate cuz that's bloody important

figure out how to say what you need... figure out how to tell the truth to people

figure out how to listen.. to your partner in particular because

if you listen to them they will actually tell you what they want

and sometimes you can give it to them and maybe they'll return the favor

and if you practice that for like 15 years..

well then maybe you're constantly giving each other what you want, well hooray!

that would be good. and then there's two of you under all circumstances and

it's better to have two brains than one,

because people think differently because of their temperament mostly

and so the negotiation is where the wisdom arises and it's part of the transformation

the psychological transformation that's attendant on an intimate relationship

and one of the fundamental purposes of a long-term intimate relationship