How to live
A Fulfilling Lifestyle
How to Find Fulfillment - The Secret to Happiness | Karen McGregor | TEDxStanleyPark
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[Applause]
it is sad that life doesn't come with a
manual
it comes with a mother when I gave birth
to my first son Matthew I wish I had a
manual all I wanted was for my child to
be happy
Matthew cried non-stop but he wasn't the
only one crying from the outside I had
the perfect life a beautiful son a
supportive husband a secure job but on
the inside I was one of the most
unfulfilled people around lack of
fulfillments the primary reason that
millions of people live lives of apathy
and imbalance unfulfilled people are
often depressed disengaged and
disconnected that was me for over 15
years
see when you're unfulfilled you just
want to escape reality your confidence
sinks you become bitter or simply lose
interest in people in life you think
maybe the problem will go away if I just
take that exotic vacation by that swanky
car or find that special someone and
when those dreams are derailed addiction
is the next stop on the train wreck over
1 million Canadians are addicted to
prescription drugs 7 million abuse
alcohol and 6 million or chronic smokers
worldwide we see binging in everything
from food to material possessions all in
the search the fulfillment it took me
years to discover three keys to
fulfillment young children on the other
hand our fulfillment machines have you
ever seen a two-year-old at the beach
a rock adults are easy now you got me in
the eye last time I was a born teacher
my mom tells me at the age of three I
had an imaginary chalkboard and I'd
gather all my friends to learn from me
and if their attention waned I'd bribe
them with special edition Oreo cookies
you know the ones with the industrial
size lumps of chocolate I didn't dream
of being a mermaid a movie star Wonder
Woman although I did love her cape I
just wanted to be a happy and confident
teacher boring but true just two years
into my teaching career my dreams of
making a difference to students and
their futures came crashing down when I
realized how stifling and constricting
the school system really was instead of
using my creativity to ignite a love a
learning and kids I was imprisoned by a
strict set of rules some administrators
sitting somewhere far from my classroom
made the decisions as to what I was to
teach and how but like many of us I went
to work every day with my armor and my
fake smile trying to hide the fact that
I was depressed disillusioned and
frustrated not exactly great qualities
for a school teacher right colleagues
would stop me in the hallway and ask how
are you today Karen I say I'm fine
I'm fine but I never found the courage
to tell them was I'm falling apart well
thank goodness for the law of hitting
rock bottom you know the one where
things can't possibly get any worse so
something amazingly good happens well it
happened to me when I met a tall
smooth-talking good-looking guy oh yeah
easy now it's not that kind of story
well it's sort of is whether you believe
in serendipity or the stars aligning on
a day I didn't even feel like getting
out of bed
my friend drags me to an event where the
keynote speaker is none other than Tony
Robbins I had never seen him live and in
person before so when he bound it up on
the stage and started to speak I thought
wow he has big teeth and his shoes
they're longer than my arm
I get it everybody has their own
opinions about mr. Robbins but two hours
into that talk I was so drinking the
kool-aid every move every single thing
he says and does his thought-provoking
mind expanding but the greatest thing
about Tony is that he really loves what
he's doing in fact I'm sure I heard him
say from stage Karen do what you love
love what you do all right he didn't say
Karen but the impact of those words do
what you love love what you do was
life-changing I knew I had just heard
the first key to fulfillment eight years
of feeling hopeless vanish
instead I'm feeling hopeful and alive
well I couldn't take Tony home with me
that day he's pretty big and my husband
certainly would have noticed but I did
take a good hard look at my life and not
only did I not love what I was doing I
hated my job there was no way I could
have the freedom and creativity that I
craved in the confines of a school
system I was done I had a conversation
with my husband we both agreed there was
only one choice I resigned job is dead
and I'm alive and free like Wonder Woman
but what next
well I desperately wanted to do
something that I'd loved so I went on a
journey of sorts I meditated i journaled
I looked at inspiring pictures and one
day I came across an old photo of me
speaking at my college graduation I was
19 could not put that photo down you see
it brought back magical feelings of me
on that stage looking into the eyes of
my hopeful peers sharing a message that
inspired them and me and that's when it
struck me why can't I have more
fulfilling magical moments like that now
why can't I be a speaker and inspire
thousands but how step into the big
shoes at Tony Robbins you know it's one
thing to think big and have grand plans
it's another to have a mortgage to pay
and be jobless right self-doubt
paralyzed me can i really be a speaker
what if I'm not good enough to make it
what if this newly uncovered passion
fails have you ever had those doubts
well with every what if I turned to wine
talk shows and Oreo cookies they were my
addiction my way of staying safe well in
the middle of all of this muddle my
second child Mitchell comes into this
world
aha and well he had the cutest round
pinchable Buddha cheeks wouldn't you
agree mm-hmm I was no closer to
fulfilment then when his brother Matthew
was born but who do I turn to for help
well someone you know always has answers
mom
my mom she has no Tony Robbins but a
great source of wisdom nonetheless when
I share my troubles she'd share her
stories well it often found that to be a
mild source of irritation this time I
listened she sat me down at her kitchen
table and by the way my mom's in the
audience tonight thank you so much for
your support all these years
[Music]
she says Karen dear when your dad and I
first met at the tender age of 16 he
already had a dream of moving to Canada
working in the great outdoors and owning
his own farm by the time that we were 20
he already convinced me to marry him and
move to Canada it was a big risk the
move not the marriage heck your dad was
a real catch but he always saw life as
an adventure so with no money and no
English he still managed to find a job
in Edmonton but it was a stuffy office
job and he hated it dad in an office
never seen him in a dress shirt before
well he couldn't stand it so after two
years he mustered up the courage took a
risk and quit that safe job now we moved
I mean after that we moved to a tiny
little shack in rural Alberta and now
here we are 45 years later your dad's
still working on his farm tending to the
exotic birds and animals and playing
with his grandchildren but none of that
would have come to pass if he didn't
take a risk to do what he loved and I'm
so glad he did I hugged my mom and
rushed outside to find my dad in his
muddy work boots tending to his exotic
birds I said dad why didn't you tell me
you risked it all cupped his hands over
mine and said Karen sometimes in life
you need to risk which you have to get
what you want my only regret is I didn't
risk sooner life is too short and time
too precious he was so right
a few months later
my dad suddenly passed away author Anais
Nin wrote and there came a day when the
risk to remain tight in the bud was more
painful than the risk it took to blossom
that day had arrived for me I was
determined to take risk to brush away
self-doubt to do whatever it took to
blossom that was the day I started my
speaking career I would speak to packed
house of two people I get up on stage
totally mess up and get right back on my
feet the following week my courage and
confidence grew I felt more joy less
fear place became an adventure instead
of a prison and surprise surprise
Matthew starts smiling it's not just
because he's sporting underwear on his
head and his baby brother Mitchell well
he's the Laughing Buddha happy mommy
happy children right well thanks to my
dad I discovered a second key to
fulfillment sometimes in life you need
to risk what you have to get what you
want it doesn't need to be a reckless or
life-threatening risk but where there's
no risk there's no fulfillment well at
that point I became no.1 as the girl
with the eternal smile I was so happy
people thought I was weird they wondered
what kind of kool-aid is she drinkin now
even I became suspicious of my own
happiness wondering well at last his
lasting fulfillment even possible I was
about to be showing the answer one
evening when I was giving a talk at the
end of the talk a lady with long way
curly hair makes her way up the aisle
towards me she's shaking she has a tear
in her eye
and I think did I say something to to
upset her
she says Karen I heard you speak four
months ago and share your story and now
I need to share mine okay
at the time my life was a mess I was
ready to shut the doors to my business
and it devastated me to make that
decision but when I heard your story
about never giving up I went home that
night and your words kept ringing in my
ear
never give up never ever give up so I
made a decision a commitment to myself
that night to make things work now my
business has turned around and I have
hope again you gave me that hope and now
I have my life back
pure joy errupted from every cell of my
body knowing that I could make even the
smallest difference to the life of a
complete stranger and that joy lasted
not only that day but into the following
weeks I just been handed a third key to
fulfillment to it for someone or
something beyond yourself do it in
service to others you see I was trying
so hard for myself and my family but her
words made me think how many more lives
can be impacted by my serving others not
just from the stage but in all aspects
of life I started with small things like
a smile for a stressed out waiter dinner
with a lonely friend and fundraising for
local women's shelter and with each act
my heart filled to the brim with joy
and my doubts were put to rest lasting
fulfillment is possible and it's found
in serving others
well the strange thing was the more I
focused on serving others the less
self-doubt I experienced and the more
risks I took and the more fulfilled
I became look I'm not saying I don't
have down times see me on a bad hair day
and you'll know heck even the Dalai Lama
has bad hair days actually he has no
hair days fulfillment is a practice that
definitely does take practice but for
the last 10 years I do what I love and I
love what I do
even that college photograph you know I
find that that's me now speaking to
audiences just like you in July all
turned 50 I have more energy and zest
for life than when I was 30 it's never
too late to be fulfilled
[Music]
it's too bad that my dad can't be here
with us today but I think he's looking
down with an exotic bird on his shoulder
beaming with pride and I'm telling you
right now he's not wearing a dress shirt
right mom if there's something seriously
lacking in your life if you're feeling
down hopeless unfulfilled remember life
is too short and time too precious
whether you're a student a CEO or an
at-home parent everyone deserves to live
a rich and fulfilling life find
something you love to do do it with
great love
risk doing it despite your doubts and
fears and above all do it for someone or
something beyond yourself
you
