Mastering the art of everyday diplomacy | Alisher Faizullaev | TEDxMustaqillikSquare

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can I please ask you a question would

you please raise your hand if you feel

yourself or consider yourself as a

diplomat in your ordinary in your

everyday life would you please raise

your hand oh great so many diplomats

wonderful one more question

would you please raise your hand if you

know someone some individuals who could

be recognized as diplomat in daily life

anybody wonderful even more that's great

so let's discuss everyday diplomacy I

spent myself part of my life in

international diplomacy some years ago I

served as ambassador of my country to

several other countries and a number of

international organizations so I have a

first-hand experience in international

diplomacy but today I would like to

discuss not international diplomacy but

everyday diplomacy diplomacy which takes

place in our everyday ordinary life of

course when we say diplomacy we mean

first of all international diplomacy

state can establish diplomatic relations

and use diplomacy for preventing or

resolving conflicts for defending and

promoting the interest but we could also

apply the concept of diplomacy to our

everyday life and of course there are

many differences between international


and everyday diplomacy international

diplomacy is about diplomacy between

nations and everyday diplomacy is about

diplomacy among individuals and small

groups such as families and peer groups

but at the same time there are a lot of

commonalities between international


and everyday diplomacy I knew many very

outstanding diplomats dignitaries

politicians who were not just very good

in international diplomacy but very

effective in everyday diplomacy in

everyday communication they were very

polite very nice and that quality very

much helped in performing international

diplomacy let me tell you a little story

how I met President Clinton in fact I

met him twice first time I was

introduced to him during a big

diplomatic reception when I was

introduced you see this picture to him

he offered me a very warm greeting he

said well how are you mr. Faisal life

ambassador Faiza life how's things in

Uzbekistan to be honest I was a little

surprised I didn't expect such a great

warm greeting and we spent a few seconds

greeting each other talking to each

other and after some time a friend of

mine said well do you know him did you

know him I said no I didn't know and in

few years I met him once again it was

another big diplomatic gathering I was

standing in a corridor and suddenly

President Clinton appeared somewhere

next to me

and he made a couple of steps and

greeted me with handshake I was very

much surprised and of course very much

pleased and I also made a few steps and

we greeted each other with handshake and

I thought well that's a kind of I don't

believe that he and he remembers me

there were so many diplomas so many

ambassador's head of states and many

other very very prominent people it's

just impossible to remember someone

after few years and some time ago I told

this story to a person who worked for

President Clinton several years and he

said to me well you know he has a

incredible memory he remembers everybody

who meet even few years ago I don't know

to be honest is that true or not but

such a quality it's a great quality to

be both diplomat at everyday level and

at international level to be a good

everyday diplomat and good international

diplomat so we live in a social world

and social world is a world of

difference where so many differences

around different people different groups

and we may have many many differences in

our interests our positions our

attitudes our beliefs our behavior and

many many differences and it is very

important to cope with these differences

to live with peace peacefully with these

differences and we may have a lot of

discussions debates disagreements

confrontation and conflict that's a part

of our life of social life but it is

again so important to

with all the differences different

opinions different colors different

religions different people and to cope

with this differences we need to have

three very important things number one a

mindset it's a spirit of everyday

diplomacy number two it's a strategy a

way of interacting with others and

certain skills which help us to be a

diplomat to implement the strategy in

our everyday life let's start from

mindset this mind that is peace of mind

our inner peace it's a spirit of peace

peacefulness that's very important that

our inner foundation of every day

diplomacy that gives us some stability

it's very important and our peace of

mind is based on our ability to be

tolerant to have patience and to

recognize differences there are many

differences that's alright to have so

many differences not just to recognize

but appreciate these differences when we

have these tolerance patience and

recognition of differences that provides

us some basis to be to have peace of

mind every day strategy

this strategy is a strategy of balance

we may have a lot of our own interests

of course and values and rights that's

great to have all this and defend them

but it's also important to recognize and

to see that others also have interests

values and rights it's very important to

have some balance between these worries

act of extreme and balance but diplomacy

is constructing a balance a balanced


our inner balance which provides us some

integrity and balance with others and

there is a very nice symbol of balance

which is symbol of Taiji which is

ancient Chinese Tao is symbol of inian

yang in comprises some young and young

comprises I mean these are opposites but

they also complement each other they

need each other they balance each other

that's very important for them to exist

and to fulfill and the strategy of

balance the balance strategy has three

pillars one is rooting which is rooting

in some values in some principles in

peacefulness of our mind in love we need

to have some rooting to be stable to

have balanced relationship with others

resilience which is so important in our

turbulent world when we have so many

challenges so many changes and moderate

Ness which is very very important to

have balanced relationship with others

and with ourselves we need some skills

to implement this strategy in our life

there are two very important set of

skills number one is social interaction

skills interaction with others

number two self-regulation skills this

is interaction skills let's start from

social interaction skills there are few

very important things which helps us to

have these social interaction skills

first understanding it's just impossible

to deal to cope with others

diplomatically to be a diplomat and and

stand and cook with others without

understanding tactfulness which is very

important characteristic of diplomacy is

very important and negotiation is very

important all these things are very

important and the standing is based in

on our mindfulness our ability to see to

feel to be hearing now to pay attention

to details we need to be receptive to

differences not to reject but the rotary

sector to be receptive and listening

listening is active both emotional and

cognitive process tactfulness is one of

very key characteristics of being

diplomat diplomacy it's based on our

sensitivity to sense even some Tiny's

things body language meaning some

details civility which shows us as a

part of civil civilization we need to be

part of civilization and respect which

preserve which preserves the dignity of

others when we respect others we may

expect some respect from others this is

also very important and negotiation of

course negotiation is very very crucial

it's a central for any diplomacy both

international diplomacy and everyday

diplomacy everyday diplomat is a man of

negotiation he or she negotiates with

neighbors with relatives with bosses

with subordinates with everyone

negotiation is not just a skill it's a

value it's a social good because it

provides us opportunity to agree to get

some agreement to have some balanced

relationship it's alright to have

discussions I may have some my own

opinion you may have your own opinion

let's discuss that's a way of

negotiation it's important to find

something common common ground

that's a way of negotiation and coming

to an agreement which is a way of

negotiation and a way of diplomacy as

far as our self-regulation skill the

central here is our ability to be calm

that's very important even in discussion

in these disagreements in tough

situation with difficult people but it's

not just our idea we need to have some

skills to regulate ourselves for example

to relax our muscles to breathe

naturally to be non-resistance when we

resist to some differences we increase

our tension we become more unbalanced

and culture is very important because in

every culture has its own codes cultural

codes some traditions some norms for

example in our culture in Uzbekistan we

have so-called or dope more Mala Mala

cut here we expect it's expected that we

shall respect the elderly people if you

are in public transit transportation

it's expected that you offer your seat

to the elderly people and something

which is very diplomatic in one culture

could be not so diplomatic in other

culture so it's important to feel to use

it to understand cultural codes and

inner strength is very important because

diplomacy practicing diplomacy is not a

sign of weakness it is a sign of

strength you need to in the strength

which provides you honesty which ability

to be honest when you lie you lose your

your credibility so you need to practice

truthfulness with in the strength and we

stacked there are so many opportunities

to practice every day diplomacy in

restaurant in social gathering in nature

in class among friends

these are wonderful opportunities to

develop ourselves to develop our peace

of mind we have a very special gift

which is smile that's a very important

that brings us a lot of good feeling

peace and everyday diplomat practice

smile allow me to offer you a small

exercise or practice of everyday

diplomacy please turn to your neighbor

from left side or from left right side

can you find a partner from left side or

right side please look at your partner

carefully attentively with mine

mindfulness and see some difference

since the beauty of his or her

differences and say something nice to

this person and appreciates this

difference this person is different

difference from everything the rest of

the world and say thank you that's a way

of practicing of every day diplomacy and

finally please raise their hand who feel

yourself as an everyday diplomat many

more thank you very much