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How to Emotionally Recover When Your Ex Moves On Too Fast... (Matthew Hussey)



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what's your name Roy hey how are you

good Matthew thinks I've had X talked

about you a lot so I thought I'd come

check you out but well thank you for

being here yeah yeah I enjoy everything

you have to say it but I'm a man so I

mean I'm just trying to figure out what

I can take from the male perspective and

also how do I change the way that I like

I'm I'm very I guess reserved and I well

on my hurt because I mean we're people

but like I have a problem with my ex

moved on fast and I was trying to it it

hurts man

you know it's like we were together for

like five six years and when they move

on fast it makes you feel like you're

not good enough and I just want to know

how how can I change my way of thinking

and it was just they were waiting on me

and I was waiting on them and it just

they just decided to go one way I mean

how do I change my perspective on

letting stuff go because that's what I

need to do I need to let stuff go or I'm

gonna be unhappy for the rest of my life

yes

[Applause]

yeah

Roy you're going through an incredible

amount of hurt when when was it when

when did this happen when did she move

on I guess we split up in August of 18

and I would say it was probably good for

months after yep so it's incredibly

painful part of the pain is you

continuing to convince yourself that

this must on some level have been the

right person and that your right person

is now with someone else now I don't

believe that I believe that the right

person can only be the right person when

it's two people choosing each other so

part of the pain we hold on to is

believing still that we had this jewel

that's gone and as much as we may have

loved someone as much as we may have

thought someone was incredible they may

have had wonderful qualities we may have

been incredibly attracted to them they

may have been all these great things

they cannot represent that that true

dream relationship if they don't choose

you in fact someone not choosing you is

just about the biggest departure from

your dream relationship you could ever

imagine so when we're saying but we were

so close not being chosen by someone is

should be the greatest turnoff in the

world not because there's something

wrong with that person but because how

on earth when I was a kid and I dreamt

about my dream relationship or in my you

know last 10 years or 20 years before I

met someone when I was dreaming of my

dream relationship it couldn't have been

the one where someone decides to go be

with someone else that wasn't it

so this is an it then there's the ego

the ego element of somewhat someone

chose someone else why not me

what what what did that person have

why wasn't I good enough and now we take

the baggage of that forward the greatest

advice I ever received was kill your ego

because that [ __ ] has no place

in your growth none none I box a lot and

when you go into the to the ring and you

are worried about getting hurt when

you're worried about yourself dasi go

when you're worried about the size of

the other guy and this guy's skills and

that's ego when you're worried about I

came in here to do a job what's my job

then ego goes out the window and there

are certain we're all gonna die many

many times in our life we're all gonna

die you just die it all right a piece of

you has to die right now you're going

through [ __ ] hell it's been awful

someone ripped your heart out that's

hell but I want that version of you that

goes through hell and comes out and has

something to say at the end of it that's

the version of you I want do one want

the version of Roy who hasn't been

through that [ __ ] it's [ __ ] boring

as boring I don't want that Roy I want

Roy who's been to hell and back I want I

want Roy who had to go die resurrect

himself and then come tell the rest of

us how to do that

I want that Roy that Roy is interesting

to me I want weathered scarred Roy who's

been through [ __ ] who has interesting

things to say that that Roy is much more

interesting to me and we learn far more

far far more we we become far stronger

by what goes wrong in our lives than

what goes right far more and so this all

this you're going through this is just

like you know like a I could greatest

you like it's just adding flavor just

like it's just making you more and more

interesting more and more complex it's

gonna make you more compassionate it's

gonna make you kinder it's gonna make

you more empathic to other people it's

gonna give you more to bring to your

next relationship it's gonna make you

such a strong person and you get through

this and you deal with this what the

[ __ ] you have to be afraid of

I've died [ __ ] you can't scare

me all right

you see that so there's the ego element

kill Yuri go kill that [ __ ] that guy has

to die so bigamy comes back right and

then there's the morning because you

think you've lost the person you're

supposed to be with I can promise you

you haven't because unless someone

chooses you they aren't the person

you're supposed to be with you could be

disappointed you could be disappointed

she wasn't the person but you can't

grieve like she was the person because

she's not disappointment takes a minute

to get over to but it's much easier to

get over than true grieving of I've lost

the love of my life you didn't lose that

that's still to come something better is

coming for you I promise you my brother

I promise okay

[Music]