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The only way to have work-life balance | Mel Robbins



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- You gotta honor that if you're gonna say

I'm putting down the phone between seven and nine o'clock

tonight and I'm actually just gonna be present with you

you've got to honor it.

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- It's an excellent question.

I think if you're present to whether or not

you're kind of in the zone of time

where it's cool to be fluid,

you're kind of with the family, you're also

sort of present on your phone, that's cool.

If you've decided that because my kids

are starting to complain or my fiance's starting

to complain that I'm always like this

then you gotta honor that if you're gonna say

I'm putting down the phone between seven and nine o'clock

tonight and I'm actually just gonna be present with you

you've gotta honor it.

So what I will do is I'll just jot a note to myself

so instead of picking up the phone,

I'll just jot a note down and it's only

because I have the propensity to work 24/7

'cause I love what I do and I love responding to people

on social and I love seeing all the stuff that's going on.

Set a quitting time every single day,

now I usually I'd say about 65% of the time

I honor it, it's not foolproof but it works

the majority of the time and you've had

the experience right where you gotta be in a meeting

at the school or you have to catch a plane

or you've got a doctor's appointment

and have you ever noticed that when you've got

an anchor like that your whole day condenses

and you're more productive 'cause you've got

this deadline?

And that's called Parkinson's Law,

so Parkinson's Law, it's a research-backed fact

that when you have work to do,

it will expand to the amount of time that you have

to do it in, so if you have 20 minutes

to make a call, how long will it take you?

- [Crowd] 20 minutes.

- If you have two weeks to make it

how long will it take you?

- [Crowd] Two weeks.

- Correct!

So if you every day no phone in your room,

you set that one priority that matters to you

if you got time to kind of inch it forward

just a little bit, great, you've already made progress,

you're done for the day then you look at your phone,

you also set a quitting time right then and there,

the majority of days you'll honor it

and that quitting time means for me it means

I'm not on my phone and everybody that works for me

knows if there's an emergency or if we have to do something

they'll call me so that helps a lot.

Does that answer hep you?

- [Woman] Yeah, it does.

- Excellent.

There is like some pretty interesting research

around how long you can focus.

You guys remember when we took standardized tests

how when you were done with the test

you had this massive headache?

Felt like your brain was pushing?

It's because your prefrontal cortex was so gassed,

it had to focus for so long,

that it was tired.

The reason why we have habits that get automated

is to give your prefrontal cortex a break.

Because if your brain had to focus on everything

intently 100% of the time it would not be able to do it,

it would blow up in your head, so the reason why

it goes back and forth between behaviors

that are patterns and behaviors that cause you

to be intentional is because your brain

needs to take these little breaks.

What you're dealing with is you've developed a habit

that gets triggered by that feeling

so when your brain starts to feel gassed

that's the trigger, this part of the brain takes over

and what your pattern you're repeating

is social media, so the fastest way to stop that

is when you catch yourself on social media

in that instance five, four, three, two, one

to override the pattern and then get up

and take a quick walk.

A three minute walk literally even into the kitchen

or around the block or go outside and take a phone call

or something, it's remarkable how that will help a lot,

okay?

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