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How to improve your empathetic listening



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how to improve your empathetic listening

in this video I'll cover why listening

with empathy is important what we mean

by empathetic listening and how to

listen with empathy mostly people don't

listen they just take it in turns to

speak that this thing they do is to spot

the gap in the conversation they so that

they can deliver their piece of

information good communications starts

with listening and that's why it is so

so important

Stephen Covey in his 7 Habits of Highly

successful people spoke about seek first

to understand and then to be understood

the key message is if you wonder your

communications to be really good listen

more and talk a lot less when experts

look at listening they say that 25%

listening efficiency the big warning is

I am not listening taking from the

recommended book emotional intelligence

coaching and how do you move from the

listeners focused on themselves to the

point where the listeners focused on the

other person it starts off with just

hearing words hear words but don't take

them in so many things on your our minds

a non listening experience

then there's the me too we think about

how the conversation relates to us we

think of experiences that match and

consciously or unconsciously we switch

the focus to us here's what I would do

starting to move a little bit more

towards the listener starting to pay

attention to the other person might

respond by offering information or

advice more aware of the other person's

need emotional listening a big shift in

listening skills

it gives real space and time to the

speaker in encourages to expand on

thinking and exploring focus on thoughts

and feelings listening beyond the words

an intuitive listening fully in tune

with our emotional brain

listening at a deep level with our whole

bodies not just our ears it becomes

effortless to listen so that is the

level that you would want to go to when

particularly when you're actually

helping somebody to deal with issues

when you in real coaching mode we need

to overcome our barriers to good

listening taken from the same book there

are 21 that are listed so if you just

have a look at it in your book but just

think of the things that distract you

stop you from listening and soften it's

because you're busy you've got so many

things on your mind and it's it's really

hard to sort of get into this neutral

mode shut down all the sort of things

that are bugging here and actually

really give the attention to the other

person but start by just listing what

your distractions are right these are

the steps on how to listen emotion to to

the emotional signs and stuff that you

get from the other person so this is

empathetic listening so if you're gonna

meet up with something one of the key

things is get prepared

don't take the listening for granted

plan your coaching conversations in

advance prepare your environment to

support easy listening so if you happen

to be in an office and you face on to

the corridor with people going by sit

the other side so that you don't

actually see any distractions if you've

got blinds shut the blinds if you can

book a meeting room which doesn't

actually have any distractions do so if

you feel are you better off maybe going

for a walk together somewhere out of the

office with it on people sort of coming

up and wanting to ask your questions do

so so prepare the environment show that

you're listening maintain good eye

contact show expressions nod and say

words of encouragement ask questions of

clarification summarise back to your

cochise so you are shown to your cochi

that you are genuinely listening manage

your emotions

get yourself into neutral migrant

listening if you feel your emotions

rising then control them through calm

breathing and if you can't control them

perhaps bring the discussion to an end

because if you let your emotions rise

you will not be hearing properly and

some of your behavior and your speech

and your body language could destroy

maybe the good work you've already done

with your Kochi so what's your body

language don't interrupt

overcome your temptation to add your

views to the conversation you silence to

draw out the views of your Kochi what's

your body language to make sure that

that doesn't interrupt it listen to the

tone tone contributes 28% of the

communicated message so it's very

important match the words you hear to

the tone used by your Kochi so if they

say they're enthusiastic about going

down a particular route and it doesn't

sound like that in their voice then

question it question why there is any

mismatch so tone that this is about

really getting into the zone where you

listening to the words and listening to

the tone and now watching the body

language body language contributes 55%

of the communicative message so it is

very important match the words to the

body language detect what is not being

said and ask the questions to understand

why so you can see how you get into the

zone listen to the tone listen to the

words let's watch the body language is

the whole thing joining up or are those

sort of gaps ask the questions provide

feedback defer feedback until your Kochi

has shared sufficient information make

sure you have clarified any points you

are unsure of then probe into areas that

need to be drilled down deeper to be

critical yet supportive when giving

feedback show you have listened to the

full conversation we're giving feedback

make sure your coach he has taken

onboard the feedback you have given them

so that's all part of the listening

experience summed up get prepared show

you're listening manage your emotions

don't interrupt listen to tone and body

language and provide feedback and that

is what will make empathetic listening

work

so in summary empathetic listening is at

the core of great coaching it's not easy

to do as the barriers are many yet once

mastered it is a skill that can truly

transform your work in your life it's a

skill that you can use in almost any

interaction you have with other people

because people are open up and give of

themselves if they feel the person

opposite then is taking a genuine

interest in them and that's what Impa

thetic listening is all about thank you