How to Deal with Negative Team Members

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one of the most loyal entrepreneurs to

value taemin is Peter strata from

Manchester United Peter this episode is

dedicated to question you ask you ask me

a question on a survey we send out a

couple weeks ago he said I'd like you to

do an episode on how to handle this

gruntal former team members so we

changed up the title and the title is

how to deal with a victim mentality team

member and this could be former it could

be existent I'd rather figure it out now

so we can solve it I don't have to

constantly have Informer and we can

resolve the issue now typically most of

the time you know a lot of these things

can be resolved based on dealing direct

and communicating with them but the

first thing I want you to know is being

able to read who's not happy right

there's a sign to be able to read who's

not happy about what they're doing so

first we're going to cover seven keys

qualities of a victim mentality then I'm

going to talk about what things you need

to do to be able to work with this so

you know first things first point number

one generally when someone becomes a

victim and they weren't before generally

they have way too much time on their


and they stop working generally they're

no longer as productive so they have way

too much time on their hands and they

stop working the moment we become way

too idle we think about bad things we

start thinking about very very weird

things everyone becomes enemy everyone's

afterwards everyone is this this is why

sometimes the schizophrenia key and

you're sometimes the most paranoid

people as they get it's just way too

much because they think everyone's after

them right it's not you just have way

too much time on your hands so number

one is too much idle time number two

they start blaming they become very good

at blaming everybody everything other

people's fault except theirs everything

you did it you didn't do this you didn't

treatment right remember that one time

the promotion did this this does

everything is blame nothing is personal


everything is blamed number three is

justified they start justifying

everything why they're a victim right so

a you know idle time blame than just

justifying so you don't understand life

is not all about money you don't say you

work too hard

you know in basting they typically hide

behind their faith I need to be more

involved in my faith and that I need to

be more about my family I need to as if

you can't do that or do all that stuff

at the same time and they are more noble

than everybody else all those people

that work they're not noble because they

are just a fine

now keep them on everybody I don't care

who you are at some point whether we

were a kid or a young adult or teenager

we have Parfum we know how to blame and

how to justify and we've had idle time

so this isn't anything new that your

superior and other people are this

everyone's meant to do this before it's

just no enough to fall back into it

again point number four they spread

negativity to others they're incredible

at spreading negativity all you know

what I just you know the boss is doing

this you know the CEO did you see the

CEO any all the seal did you see the

person here that guy at the top you know

the guy over here the vice-chairman the

divide this the original vice-president

these guys are making the money that

guy's making the money this guy's doing

is that guy everything they started they

started spreading negativity there's so

great at spreading negativity and most

people unfortunately most entrepreneurs

team leaders executives don't get to

that too early they get to the way too

late so now they have multiple other

people that become negative point number

five which has to do with number four so

number four is what they spread their

negativity spread their negative

negativity number five there's some of

the best recruiters in the world it is a

lot easier to recruit people to a

negative message into a positive message

I know this sounds strange what do you

mean by that

just think about more people have

subscribed to negative thinking and

fear-based and positive thinking how

many people in your life out of ten

people are positive tell me how many

nine out of ten come on now you'd

probably say nine out of ten is negative

why it's easier to recruit people to

negative thinking it's easier to recruit

people to justify it's easier to recruit

people to blame it's easier to recruit

people to be idle it's easy to recruit

people to things smaller it's very easy

it's tough to get people to stay

positive and move in our stop it's too

much I'm tired I'm just that's so these

guys become the best recruiter so if you

don't get to them early they know how to

recruit all the other negative people

and convert them very quickly

number six is they spread their

negativity but number six is they spread

rumors rumors are not true but they

start spreading rumors or did you know

or did you know hey woody thing by that

did you know did you know he was doing

this digitally do you know what happened

did you know this did you know in the

past or you weren't around here the

general used to do this the general used

to do that and pong to become great

recruit new people are like we're very

good attitude are oh he was like that or

he did this

she did everything oh my gosh they're

great at spreading rumors very good by

the way all of these are also great

things that your enemy your competitors

do to recruit people away from your

business know that part as well so they

spread rumors and in the last but not

least the challenge with the qualities

of a victim of mentality is this is a

never ending issue and let me explain to

what I mean by this forget if they leave

your company let's just say this is you

and your sin you're watching this video

by yourself like oh my gosh I feel like

he's talking about me right now so you

don't comment on the bottom where you

get to value out of it that's fine it'll

be our secret you and I the challenge

with someone who's got a victim

mentality is forget about who they work

with forget about who they're in

business with I have a family member of

mine a very close family member of mine

that my sister and I talk about all the

time this person lived in so many

different places and every time they did

it was always other people with the

problems but eventually this person

ended up having problems with everybody

you know why because guess who followed

this person every time they went they

did this person was with themselves the

entire time in their life everywhere

they go they're with them so to

challenge what a victim is no matter

where he goes no matter where she goes

they're with themselves they're gonna

problem at the net job next company next

this next step next is anytime I hire

somebody new or bring somebody new on

board that's want to work with a sales

executive whatever it is and they

started like this or the last company

treated us like this and treated us like

how about all the other one too CEO is

this if they talk bad about two three

four people there the problem now you

got to be wise enough to know where the

problem is the prom is not with

everybody in the world they're the

problem the problem is them the problem

is are you there the problem right so

let's continue now so we have seven

things we just covered idle time they

blame they justify they spread

negativity they're great at recruiting

other victims and converting people into

victims they spread rumors and a last

but not least this is a never ending

issue for them for the rest of their

lives so now what to do when this

happens I've experienced this so many

times over my career

and the worst thing you can do is

overreact worst thing you can do is over

yet this happens in your family this

happens in your friendship this happens

in business this happens in every

relationship you're going to have no one

how to handle is the key the worst thing

you can do is just hide and not want to

do anything you know what the best books

in this area is Crucial Conversations

Crucial Conversations by far the best

book to go through and read on this

topic so now let's get into so what are

you when this happens my number one

thing that I do is immediately I want to

meet with them and if their spouse is

involved with the business or if it's

not if it's an executive and it's just

the executive I meet with the executive

alone if it's something that's sales and

maybe they're doing a business what

husband or wife to get I want to meet

with them of the husband together but

generally I meet with them immediately

so now my number one is I meet with them

immediately number two I asked them why

they got involved with the company in

the first place why did you get them all

with this why'd you work with this why

are you doing this and they'll say well

you know I did it because I wanted to do

this this this this that or I thought I

I could do this why don't you get them

on the industry why are you here with

the company what you were excited at one

point what happened what change what

took place so number one is you know you

know why they got involved in the first

place and I asked them the goals they

tell me about the goals all that's up

they tell me that okay number three then

I ask are those things still important

to you when I'm meeting with them are

dorsum still important to you what do

you mean do you still want to do that

stuff do you still have those same

feelings do you still want those things

to become true do you still want to be

part of those projects and they'll

typically tell you if they say what yes

then great this can be saved if they say

no the man I mean it's the end of the

relationship and it's fine not all

relationships are going to work out no I

don't want to be then you're

automatically working on you know

possible exit strategy etc etc or maybe

I'm digging a little bit deeper we're

asking more questions the next one is

find out what the challenges were and

help them clear up like what happened

you know what I remember you were like

this now you're like this what happened

what challenges are you facing what's

difficult who are you not happy with did

I do something

is something happened with the company

did a team member do something and you'd

be amazed how many times there is

something that you didn't even know


gosh it was that small of a thing truly

80% of the time is something this small

that they just don't want to bring up

because remember most people do what

they avoid conflict they don't want to

have comp most people can't stand

conflict and and and to build anything

big you have to deal with conflicts so

they would rather not bring it up to

you'll bring it up to anybody that's

their superior because they would rather

run and fly away and run away and go to

another place flight right so ask what

about the challenge and then ask them a

simple question if they would like

things to change

would you like things to change would

you like this relation with this

business to get better you would you

like your excitement which I would would

you like things to get better like you

once for six months ago nine months yes

I would would you like it yes I would

know I don't know not at all okay right

then if they say no at all and they're

completely being disgruntled about it

you have a few choices you can either

leave them on for a while see if

something changes or you can ask them to

leave we can ask them take a break we

have an option on what to do ask them to

leave give them a break ask them ask

them to leave give them some space for a

few weeks or ask them to take a break

but it's one of the two okay if you want

to fire them you can fire them if you

can fire them if it's an employee if it

sells you don't want to fire them you

can ask them to leave kindly right then

after that is study trends I like to

study trends of anybody that's working

with me because you generally no one

knows more about your team members that

you're working with in the work

environment then you because you're

working with them so whoever's working

closely with them I want to find out the

trends of that human being for instance

someone's not happy what is the trend

are they always bitching or is it a new

thing it is it always negative like I

had somebody who calls and says all you

don't understand this person is just

terrible they're dis they're dis than

that and what they don't realize is that

I know that person's trends they're the

problem nobody else is the primer on

them they're the problem but they think

everybody else to prom because you're a

victim I know this other person's trend

they've been solid for me from the day

one they started working with me this

person has not so the value the

credibility of this person bitching to

me and complaining to me is this much

there's not a lot of credibility she

this person's already been caught six

seven times that blames everybody else

and it's really his fault or her fault


so trend study trends that point number

six I think it's point number six right

yet six study the trends of that human

being and you know who the person so

study the trends on how their behavior

has been and see if it's consistent with

the way they've always behaved or if

it's new if it's new sometimes when

somebody completely changes and you

don't recognize them

I generally it's like a kid you know

when a kid are like I remember when at

one point my relationship completely

changed when my mom would like to data

when I was a kid and I'm like why and I

know because it was two kids I met that

were terrible influence on my life or

was a girl I met that completely was a

negative influence in my life right so

maybe they're coming through that maybe

they're going through that you know

sometimes as a leader you got to know

that the you know most people or like

the weather they change often not the


most people leaders can't change that

often because leaders got to stay strong

and they got a lead you're a leader but

generally most people who are regular

people they change often like the

weather one day they're happy wonder

there's that one then there's it and

hopefully you're challenging to become

leaders right but you don't know maybe

they just started dating a girl that the

girl just doesn't like the way you see

things just doesn't agree with your

belief system just doesn't agree with

anything you say they may have a father

or a mother that doesn't like the fact

that this person's constantly saying oh

you know he's so amazing he's teaching

me the sequence you know what stop you

gotta trust them so maybe there is that

part corner maybe there's a part that

you know they used to be the best and

they used to do very good and now you

have a new executive or new sales got a

new person that's doing very well and

they don't like that because they were

always a person and that there's

somebody new that that kind of gives

them the victim part you know what this

person wasn't there when I was with you

first 15 years ago or ten years ago or

five years ago said who is this person

so there may be that so you got to also

be a human leader and identify maybe

there's something deeper there and

generally if you grab a paper pen I need

a paper and pen and I start processing

the issue of the human being and write

their track records and I go through

these questions I said this doesn't make

any sense maybe there's something let me

dig deeper right point number seven go

through qualities of a victim mentality

like I'll generously look I just want

you to know this is a trend this is what

typically happens and

I've been there as well myself and we

fall on this trap when we start going

too much idle time when we have too much

idle time we start thinking about all

our problems then we start blaming then

we start justifying and we start

spreading negativity then we start

trying to tell other people to also buy

into what we're building so we start

recruiting other victims then we spread

rumors then we're going to be stuck with

us for the rest of our lives no one

wants that

you don't want that I don't want that so

this is why we like to change and we

like to Justin we like to improve now

you don't have to do this but it's a

choice you have a choice to stay the

same or you have a choice to improve

which one do you want I want to provoke

it great then when they agree to wanting

to improve I'll generally recommend a

book something to listen to a video to

watch a movie to watch I'll say read

this paper and I want you to read this

book and one can read this book and

finish it for me I'll give me a week

okay great when you finish a book call

me send me a text and let's get on a

call together we'll set up a time I want

you to finish it by this time next

Friday four o'clock we're having a call

to talk about the book no problem then

we talk about and have a call with the

book then I'll make another

recommendation based on what they need

to be working on based on a book you can

recommend to them and then generally it

will improve little by little by little

by little by little and then you realize

okay this person's improvement right so

the other part point number nine is as

you're doing this look you can't fake

this you got to be genuinely caring

about your team members you got to be

genuinely caring about the people that

are working with you if you study

alexander the people that ran through

the wall for alexander they knew

alexander will be the first to run

through the wall for them so there was a

certain level of loyalty if you look at

people that build an environment that i

mean it's just incredible they know one

phone call away that dude's got their

back so there's an environment that you

got to genuinely care about whom a lot

of people you got to generally care

about people you got to generally care

about that person's story there goes

their dreams and if it's fake

people will tell all the time but people

can tell 100 percent of time it must be

genuine next point number 10 you hold

them accountable so what can I expect

from you moving forward what's going to

change with you moving forward you get

Lou you let them tell you what's going

to change with them moving forward and

they'll generally tell you I'm going to

do this I'm going to do that I'm gonna

do this I'm gonna do it okay great we'll

have a call next Friday we'll have a


a month from that and two months three

months a nimble hopefully this can

improve great point over 12 is what

number 11 is if they fall once or twice

and maybe they get a little funky again

but they come back up and they fall and

they have a little bit of a funk again

and they come back up give them a second

or third chance you know but then

there's a time that if they're leaders

that you got to have higher expectation

from them then there's a different story

if they at all show no desire to want to

improve and change at all whatsoever

they're getting even more negativity

blame and more justifying more spreading

more negative is spreading more rumors

in my career I've had to do this maybe

five or ten times and I remember every

single if I were to write it down I can

tell you each of the stories last one is

if things get worse

you ask them to leave and take a 90-day

break and I've had to do this about ten

times in my career I'll simply ask them

to take a break and I'll say look I

think it's the time you take a break if

it's employer asking this is just not

for you got to find another place to go

work if you don't want to be here you

don't need to be or we want people that

want to be here and you gently ask them

to leave the key is to be gentle about

people leaving because at the end of the

day you are dealing with relationships

you are dealing with human beings you

are dealing with people that also have

emotions hearts they got feelings these

are regular people that also have

feelings then you ask them to take a

break because I think if you don't do

that you don't ever want to have a team

that doesn't want to be there if you

have a team that people don't want to be

there you don't get the most out of

people if you don't if you don't give

them that opportunity to know that they

need to leave go to a different place so

there's couple ways of looking at it one

is what to do so this doesn't happen I

just so you know I speak on this in

front of my leaders I train on this in

front of my executives I train on this

on my in front of my sales force why so

anytime anybody decides to become a

victim everybody knows and everybody

says ooh you sound like a victim

mentality don't wait for it to happen

before you teach on this teach on this

now and create this culture with

everybody now I had a very strong leader

in my home office executive team in the

last two weeks how much what

two more minutes okay the last couple

weeks I did this twice and I brought it

up to them and I brought it up again in

front the entire staff came to six or

seven points that I had because this is

six or seven areas I want us to improve

it and we did there's been a lot of

progress everyone's having their own

leadership meetings they're improving

things are getting faster deadlines are

being hit things that I wanted to see

happen but too often we wait till the

crisis happens to say here's what we're

going to do it's already too late

start early always start early to create

the right culture and remember that when

your leader building things you got to

have a way to lead people without

passing judgment accepting the fact that

everybody's different not everyone's the

same and you as the leader are going to

be judged on how well you can get the

best out of your people and if you can

get the best out of your people the rest

is history

well I'm by the way I need your help

with something el you could you throw me

the pillow there we go hey I need your

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