How to hurt Feelings
3 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Hurt
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are you tired of being hurt all the time
let's build that emotional resiliency
hey guys welcome back to another mind
write Monday I'm your house Bonnie Kelly
today we're gonna talk about how we can
build and thicken our emotional skin a
little bit and not keep ourselves stuck
and feeling hurt so often now every
person gets hurt let's be honest it's a
part of the human experience all of us
have been abused hurt abandoned betrayed
to some degree in our lives if you're
watching this you I know you have a
story I know you have something in your
life that has caused you some kind of
mental and emotional distress that part
is inevitable what we do beyond the pain
is really what we want to talk about
today because believe it or not that's
where our choice comes in
so before I dive into the three tips on
how to get a little bit tougher with
that emotional skin how to build our
emotional resilience let's talk about
pain and suffering there's an old quote
in Buddhism that says pain is inevitable
but suffering is optional now this
statement is a fundamental piece of all
of my coaching and teaching and training
because it allows us to begin to take
mental and emotional responsibility for
how we think and feel in the here and
now while acknowledging the pains of our
of our past and presence or futures the
truth is pain is inevitable everybody is
going to experience some kind of
physical mental or emotional pain
throughout our life but suffering
happens when we dwell on that pain when
we drag that emotional baggage with us
from experience to experience from
relationship to relationship from job to
job when we take that should've could've
would've and we allow that to destroy
our self-worth our self-esteem and
begins to allow us to feel worthless or
not enough or sad or resentful that's
suffering
the suffering is the part that we want
to begin to heal we want to begin to
transform the inner relationship with
the pain and that truly is your choice
now today I'm going to talk about how to
build more emotional resilience right
how we can not allow other people to
hurt us so much I'm gonna give you three
tips to do that if you want to talk
about pain and suffering check out some
of our other YouTube videos we've linked
them below does I talk a lot about our
past experiences and how we can shift
our perceptions from what we felt into
what we want to feel moving forward so
be sure to check that out okay
so let's dive right into my first topic
and how we can begin to not allow other
people to hurt us so much and that first
one is stop giving them permission
okay Muhammad Gandhi famously said
nobody can hurt me without my permission
all right now this is a huge
conversation and might even get under
some of your skin but it's absolutely
imperative to understand this if you
want to end some of your emotional and
mental suffering is that no one can hurt
you without your permission
disclaimer okay let me say that again
nobody can mentally or emotionally hurt
you without your permission yes people
can physically hurt you without your
permission if I'm sitting here and
somebody walked up and just
sucker-punched me
right they caused me physical pain right
that is different than what I'm talking
about they're hurting me without my
permission
what I'm talking about is allowing other
giving other people power when they
throw insults at you this typically
happens when they're touching on a soft
spot and a vulnerable spot within us let
me give you an example now if I believe
that I'm not smart enough and one of you
comment below and say that you're stupid
that comment could hurt me because I'm
giving you permission to hurt me because
I believe that about me you get this but
because I don't believe that if you
wrote that I would I would understand
that that's your opinion in
Shannen means nothing about me so there
I'm not giving you permission to hurt me
this is where we have to reclaim our
power where we have to recognize that
nobody can hurt you you can throw as
much mud and dirt and please don't
because I really like you but you could
and it's not going to emotionally affect
you unless you allow it to one of my
favorite affirmations when I was truly
embracing this concept was that when I
was around dysfunctional people because
I used to be in relationships with them
I used to be surrounded by them and it
would affect me because I had very thin
skin everything they said or did I took
it personally I felt like they were
attacking me and a part of it was
because I didn't really believe in me
and so as a result I had a lot of these
judgments would strike me straight to
the core so that I used to affirm a lot
nothing you say or do to me means
anything about me even if it's directed
towards me that means that whatever your
opinions and your perceptions are
they're yours and though I might be
saying something that is triggering you
that really is about you and not about
me and when I can begin to separate that
you're having your own emotional
experience separate from mine and even
though I might be influencing yours that
it's your responsibility to own whatever
your hurt pain and reaction is that has
nothing to do with me now I've really
thickened my emotional skin and when
other people are flinging mud I'm not
giving them permission to come after me
you get where I'm going with this
awesome let's lead unity to the next one
which is remember that hurt people hurt
people you guys this is one of my
favorite things to talk about that hurt
people hurt people when we start to
recognize that the people who have
caused the most damage in our lives or
the people that are causing the most
damage in other people's lives are
really under the surface hurt to some
degree maybe they don't feel loved or
worthy or smart enough I mean even when
we label somebody narcissistic
why would somebody behave that way well
typically it's because they feel that
they have to take
themselves that they need to protect
themselves in order to survive so they
put themselves first and they've gotten
to a habit of always thinking about and
themselves and doing things for
themselves and so their care there
they're not carefully considering other
people's feelings and thoughts and so we
label them as narcissistic when actually
they're just hurt people who are
responding and reacting to the world in
a way that has nothing to do with us are
you getting the trend here stop taking
it so personally that should probably
would one of my other tips but that's a
really big part about really thickening
our emotional skin and not allowing
other people to hurt us so much is to
realize that their dysfunction is theirs
and when it's directed at you it still
has nothing to do with you now a
disclaimer it also doesn't mean you need
to allow it okay this is where
boundaries come in if you need help with
that totally got you covered another
video down below with your name all over
it
alright so this reminds me of another
quote which is when another person makes
you suffer it is because he suffers
deeply within himself and his suffering
is spilling over he does not need
punishment he needs help
that's the message he is sending tell me
that's not powerful is that the bullies
that are bullying other kids in school
are doing it because they're actually
really hurt they're sad they're crawling
out for attention now it doesn't mean
that they're they're not right but it
means that they need help they need
guidance they need support to understand
what to do with these pent up emotions
and these perceptions and these
assumptions that are just spilling out
and spilling over and causing pain upon
others and when we can really begin to
attack the heart of that the root of
that what a different world would this
be alright this leads me to my third and
final tip which is conscious boundary
setting oh boy now I know I've already
put the disclaimer in here but this is
the biggest part when it comes to
thiking and our emotional skin however
having boundaries requires a level of
self confidence it requires us to be
willing to be resolved within ourselves
to assert that
country to be okay with them not being
okay with being okay with them not
liking our perimeters of around their
behavior it is so important for us to
begin to set boundaries and recognize
that boundaries are unique to you
there's no one boundary fits all if that
was the truth then everybody would know
how to behave in every situation the
truth is that we have different
boundaries based on our own personal
experiences our own personal values and
our own personal preferences so we want
to recognize that boundaries are not a
personal attack and are absolutely
imperative for beginning to teach other
people how to interact with us now if
you need to learn how to do that again
there is a video down below with your
name all over it
I mean who couldn't use good boundaries
everyone could but that is an important
part of helping other people to teach
other people how to engage and interact
with you where they're not hurting you
so much the truth is most people don't
want to hurt you they just don't know
how to treat you did you hear that they
don't want to hurt you they just don't
know how to treat you and when we can
begin to transform the way we interact
with them they can know how to engage
with you in a way that doesn't cause you
pain so I'm gonna leave you with this
quote with Binet Brown where she says
daring to set boundaries is about having
the courage to love ourselves even when
we risk disappointing others as I
mentioned boundaries have to come from a
place of self confidence of you willing
to love yourself enough to be able to
teach and train others even win
might not agree with that and that's
okay hopefully this video has helped in
some way as always be brought to you
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personal development question you want
to see answered in one of these awesome
videos email us at Bonnie Kelly at get
inspires dot me and we'll be happy to
answer it as soon as we can until next
time Wow
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