How to hurt A Man Who Dumped You
IF YOU GOT DUMPED YOU HAVE THE UPPER HAND
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hi guys how are you I have such an
amazing message for you today I felt
that you needed to hear this and so I
stopped what I was doing to give you a
special message so I was thinking about
how when we're broken up with we have
this massive blow to our ego and we're
putting this really uncomfortable
situation really fast
so there's a huge shock and there's
really our mind just races to fix the
feeling of having your ego hurt it also
races to fix just feeling uncomfortable
being on your own so then it's telling
you hey you have to make this right you
have to you have to right away get them
get your ex to come back you have to fix
this right away so that we don't have to
deal with this uncomfortable feeling but
it's actually pretty much the opposite
of what you should do your mind is just
going to brace and tell you to do all
this stuff so that you don't feel
rejected so that you don't feel less
than so that you can keep that picture
of yourself that you have in your head
and/or that picture of who you'd like to
be and it's that uncomfortable feeling
that makes us act desperately so even if
you when you were ex broke up with you
you acted pretty desperately some people
do actually most people do so if you did
that don't worry it's not a big deal
I've done that so it doesn't make you
pathetic or sad it's just some it's just
a trick your brains playing on you know
to make you try to fix the issue quickly
so if you acted that way I want to give
you some comfort right now and say it's
okay many people do that including me so
it doesn't mean anything really it just
means your brain was trying to fix it
situation so a lot of times when people
break up with us right it's because
something's not working so before you
can really get back with your ex you
have to think about what the issue was
what was it that wasn't working because
otherwise this issues going to keep
coming up and actually telling them that
you hear them and you understand them
it's gonna be one of the really really
big contributors into them coming back
if you say that let's say the issue is
that you always go out with your friends
and don't invite them if you tell them I
hear you said that and you know I gave
it some thought and you're right that's
gonna be a huge incentive for them to
come back because that was the whole
problem it's really like the most
important thing is like fix that issue
whatever it was but a lot of times when
people break up with us and this is why
the no-contact works so well it's not
actually to break up with us it's to
punish us
so pretty much punished you for not
hearing their needs because I'm sure
it's not the first time when people
break up in a fight you have a fight
it's like an irrational decision okay
we're gonna break that but really what
that saying is I need space you're not
hearing what I've been asking of you and
I'm so frustrated now that I need space
so they say let's break up in this very
heated moment because their brain is
telling them hey this feels so bad
you're trying to get them to understand
this and they're not understanding it
and it's just making us feel so bad so
just end it and the bad feeling so then
you have this irrational okay let's
break up and that puts an end to it
so it's important to realize whatever
that issue was and to see people who
usually act out of frustration they're
either a punishing you for not listening
to their point be either brain is to
shut this is very with men this is
happens a lot is their brain just shuts
off it says I tried to explain this men
are not good at communicating and they
give up very easily so it's like I try
to explain this now it's easier for me
to shut off because this is such an
uncomfortable feeling I'm so frustrated
that I've explained this problem and
it's not resonating so I'll just shut it
off and so that's just a way for them to
protect their self but usually when you
give somebody space because usually
that's what it is somebody wants to
break up it's usually I just want space
because communicating with you wasn't
working so I almost forgot where I was
going it's really important that you
give someone space after they break up
with you especially if it's in one of
those are rational breakups where they
were you guys were fighting because it's
usually just their brain shutting down
and being like I can't take this anymore
I need space from this so it's really
important that you actually give them
that space so that they can reset their
brain to maybe
tackle the problem again because and
when they reset their brain to tackle
the problem again with you you really
need to be responsive to hearing it so
they don't shut off like that again and
just say okay no more I need space also
when you don't when you let someone have
their space
you change the power because here
they're thinking I have all the power I
shut this off elaborately so they're
thinking I have all the power I shut
this off and once whenever my brain
feels better I can come back but when
you don't contact them it's just the
power dynamic and it says I shut this
off when my brain feels better I can
come back when you don't reach out to
them they're thinking oh maybe I can't
come back so it's gonna make them want
to solve the problem quicker
just like you how you wanted to solve
their problem really quickly because you
felt uncomfortable so when they start to
feel uncomfortable they're gonna also
want to solve the problem really quickly
so that they don't have to deal with the
discomfort so as soon as they get that
little thought in their head oh she
hasn't or he hasn't contacted me they
start to feel a little bit uncomfortable
instead of just leaving the
uncomfortableness of the fight they
start to feel the uncomfortableness of
oh maybe I made a mistake and the fact
that they're the one who broke up with
you there's actually a lot more weight
on them because they are the one who put
themselves in that uncomfortable feeling
so it's really their fault so as the
person who got broken up with you have
way less responsibility all you have to
do is make sure that when they come back
your will look ready to solve that issue
without fighting and become you're
becoming a better person for yourself
but we're done there's so much
responsibility because they're like oh I
did this I made this uncomfortable
feeling did I make the right decision
because it is a big decision and once
they've calmed down they're going to
have to think did I make the right
decision and when they start missing you
now have that uncomfortable feeling
they're going to be wanting to fix it
click
so let them have that time and let them
feel that uncomfortable feeling and
don't hinder it you just work on
yourself during the time and make sure
that you are ready to fix the problem so
that they don't just shut off again I
hope that was what you guys needed to
hear today and I hope you see how much
power you have in just doing working on
yourself and not bothering them you
really have so much power since you are
not the one who made the decision and
it's pretty much all on them so there
will be a time of panic for them so just
stay calm
leave them alone and everything will be
okay I promise
