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How to Handle Being Angry at Your Kids | Anger Management



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I'm dr. Ryan fuller and I'm going to

talk to you a little bit about how to

manage anger when the anger is directed

at your children so at first I think

it's very easy for us to judge ourselves

and maybe even judge other parents when

we talk about being angry at our

children but this is a very very common

clinical problem in fact if you look at

anger across the board the most common

trigger for anger are going to be those

people in our families so it makes

perfect sense that parents are going to

get angry frequently with their children

with that said it's a serious issue

it's obviously related to child abuse

even though that's rare and we want to

take it seriously and seek out

professional help when that's necessary

so in the case of anger directed a child

there are a couple things to keep in

mind first it's really critical that

children have very clear understandings

of what is expected of them and what the

rules are likewise there need to be

consistent contingencies and what I

simply mean is parents have to

consistently if a child breaks a rule

notify that child what has occurred

explain what has happened and what the

next steps will be whether it's some

form of punishment or just an

explanation so that the child has very

clear predictable ideas about how

they're going to be treated in that

environment relative to the behaviors

they engage in that alone is going to

help hopefully reduce anger triggers for

the parent the second piece though is

having realistic expectations and

thoughts about the child's capacities so

oftentimes we see that we sort of

believe children are thinking the same

way that we are about situations and

what we know is that their development

in terms of their frontal lobe and

things like that in terms of planning

and foresight and thinking through

consequences just is not the same as an

adults that doesn't necessarily mean we

want to lower the standards we want to

make sure that our expectations are what

the standards are are realistic for our

child and we want to sort of set gradual

realistic goals for them to be reached

with consistent as I mentioned before

consistent contingencies for them so

that they can grow and succeed we want

to engineer sick

for them and be patient as they go along

the way doesn't mean we want to be

passive

we don't want parents to be

authoritative to give clear rules and to

enforce them consistently we don't want

them to be punishing children out of

something emotional like anger we want a

punishment to come if it's going to be

the case because a rule was broken that

was established beforehand and the child

understands the reason we don't want

punishment to be coming from anger

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