Helping Toddlers Manage Their Big Emotions Using Emotional Intelligence

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I'm going to share an approach with you

that has completely changed the way I

help my son

manage his big emotions not only has

this approach changed the way that I

relate to my son but it has also become

a way that I help to defuse situations

from turning into something bigger so

this approach comes from the clinical

psychologist named Daniel Siegel who has

written multiple titles about the

development of the brain his pioneering

approach really focuses on the cognitive

function of the brain as a way to help

children regulate their emotions so it's

based on a lot of scientific facts

versus just opinion or philosophies his

approach is called connect and redirect

what I'll share with you is something

that actually got caught on camera when

I was filming something completely

different with my son and you will see

how I take Daniels approach and apply it

with my son as a way to get him to not

only calm down

but also I will break down the

individual components of his approach so

you can have an understanding of how it

works and why it works




so rubbing the back gently holding a

hand or even giving a hug helps to

reduce the stress hormone cortisol in

the brain and your touch actually

increases the release of the feel-good

hormone oxytocin so just the simple act

of physical touch has completely

transformed the way that I connect with

my sign but me implementing knows a

really simple technique of putting my

hand on his back and rubbing his back

actually has been one of the most

effective ways I help him to calm down

getting down to my son's level allows me

to better connect with him by making eye

contact and also it's a non-threatening

stand and it's one of the things that

I've learned about the brain is when we

as parents hover over our kids or talk

down at them the way that the brain

picks this up is actually it's seen as a



so empathetic facial expression and a

soft tone of voice isn't always easy

but it's also been super effective with

my son

one of the things that I've learned is

that infants actually learn to read our

faces from birth and this is one of the

ways that they're able to read the world

around them so similar situations with

toddlers especially ones that can't

communicate yet they really pay

attention to our facial expressions as a

way to be able to tell whether a

situation is threatening or


so one of the key ways I get my son to

actually relax is for me to relax my

face and have a much more empathetic and

softer voice when I speak with him when

he's going through some of these more

challenging emotional situations what's

upsetting you that part is inside the

bar identifying the why versus focusing

on the behavior is the idea that when my

son is displaying really challenging

emotions such as him flailing his body

or screaming hitting kicking or throwing

things across the room the way that I'm

understanding it from Daniel Seagle and

what he teaches parents is that a lot of

the big emotions that we feel as humans

come from the lower part of the brain

called the amygdala and that's where a

lot of our big emotions come from one of

the ways that we can help children

regulate their emotions is when we

engage their prefrontal cortex so the

prefrontal cortex is right here the

front of your brain and that is where a

lot of our rational thinking logic and

empathy come from so one of the ways

that you may have noticed is I'm

actually just playing back to my son

something that I'm saying wow you look

like you're upset because you stuck your

foot in this so what I'm doing there is

either he listens and he understands

everything that I'm saying

so what we're actually doing is we're

moving from the downstairs part of the

brain the primal side of the brain and

we're moving up the prefrontal cortex

which is logical thinking


you want to try again no you don't want

the car okay I'm gonna put the car here



so sometimes what I just really need to

do is allow my son to write out some of

these more challenging emotions what I

refrain from doing is judging him or

telling him to stop just knowing that

this particular emotion is probably

gonna last maybe 30 seconds maybe 60

seconds and I'm just there by his side

supporting him and when he's ready to

engage we can do so sorry if you found

this video useful please give me a

thumbs up and if you're interested in

more techniques and resources or in

emotional intelligence I would love to

hear from you so drop me a comment down

below and share with me what are some of

the challenging situations that you

encounter I would love to make more of

these videos and showing you how I want

a lot of these learnings together with

my son so thank you for watching and

I'll see you in the next video