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Toxic Relationship | How To Leave 7 Steps



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hey lads welcome to my youtube channel

if you don't know I am Christina Mora

and in this video we're gonna talk about

seven ways to leave a toxic relationship

[Music]

these are the steps that helped me to

leave the toxic relationship you can

have toxic relationships with family

members with friends what-have-you and

although in this video I will be

referring to romantic relationships

feel free to listen in and take notes

and apply them to the toxic

relationships that you have in your life

I'm gonna be reading off of some notes

in case you guys see me looking down and

wondering what I'm looking at I just

don't want to leave anything out because

this video I find is super super super

important so the word toxic if you look

it up in the dictionary it just says

poisonous a couple of words that also

relate to toxic is dangerous harmful

deadly you guys get the idea

the first step in leaving a toxic

relationship is going to be acceptance

okay this is going to be one of the

hardest things because a lot of us I

know women like myself or men we like to

feel like we're like super strong and

when we accept certain things we think

of it as being weak accepting things is

honestly the first real strong step I

feel like especially when it comes to

relationships so we want to accept that

you attracted this person in your life I

know I know I know you guys like

Christina I thought you're gonna help me

not you know make me feel worse this is

something that we have to accept there

is a part of you a piece of you inside

you somewhere that attracted this person

to your life everyone in your life in

some way or another is on the same

frequency as you I'll phrase it another

way you guys are on the same level so we

want to accept that another thing that

you want to think about when it comes to

the term acceptance let's just use an

example for romantic relationships you

most likely set the tone for how that

person treats you in the relationship I

know I'm not here to make you feel bad

I'm here to

helped you realize some things okay for

this first step because I feel like it's

very important I added in an exercise

for you guys to do at home on your own

time so three questions are why am I

here why am I in this relationship okay

so is it money

be honest you have to be honest if

you're not honest with yourself you're

gonna attract people that are not honest

with you so I only want to stick to the

term accepting so why you here are you

here for money are you here for comfort

because you feel like you're lonely I

know in my toxic relationship I really

love that man but I did not want to

leave because I felt like I wasn't gonna

find anybody better than him that's a

little piece of my past that I'll share

one of the main reasons why I stayed in

our relationship is because I didn't

love myself enough to think that I

deserved better so I thought he was the

best that I was gonna get so did you are

you staying for kids are you having a

Love & Hip Hop relationship are you

being taller right now are you staying

for the kids is everything for the kids

okay write down why you are there next

question I want you to ask yourself is

what toxic traits did I contribute in

the relationship again acceptance we

have to accept our part in a

relationship I know it's easy to say

well this person did that and that

person is that and this person did that

and make it feel like we didn't do

anything wrong in a relationship and

when I say wrong it doesn't mean that

you went out and cheated may have been

the best girlfriend the best wife the

best mother what have you you could have

been the best to this person I'm not

saying that you necessarily went out and

just cheated are you you were violent or

anything but again acceptance so for me

I'll give you guys an example in my last

relationship something that I

contributed was not setting boundaries

so that way that person can violate me

again

okay you guys I hope you guys are really

following me here the next one I feel

like is one of the hardest things when

you are trying to leave somebody because

it's really a defining moment so the

third question the third question is do

you want to leave

do you want to leave I had one type of

family member I went back and forth of

should I cut this person out of my life

or do I just want to deal with it and I

came to terms with myself and I said you

know what obviously I can't leave the

family member because it's family I'm

gonna see this person often but I set

boundaries so that way I don't see this

person as often they can't trigger me

and affect my energy when it comes to

relationships like romantic

relationships I feel like that is a

different story because once you leave

especially if you have no kids like

that's it that's it and it sounds so

simple but it's not it's not you have to

really accept if you really want to

leave or not because you can watch this

whole video you can watch this whole

video you can be inspired you can do the

exercises but if you have not made up in

your mind that you want to actually

leave this relationship you're gonna be

stuck but I want you to realize that

it's okay to feel that way it took a

couple of tries for me to leave it took

a couple of tries for me to leave but

once I did this this everything that I'm

talking about in this video it made it

so much easier and so much clearer for

me to leave I really want you to go

ahead and do those exercises in a space

where you are clear you don't have any

distractions and you get a chance to

really sit and think with yourself what

you want to do oh that is step number

one I know that was a lot it was a lot

but acceptance I feel like is one of the

most important steps step number two is

going to be mental steps before you

leave this person before you really cut

out this person in your life you really

have to get it straight up here or else

you're gonna keep going in the same

cycle the same exact circle of coming

back trust me I know I know

just to say all the time you know what

I'm leaving this is it I'm done and my

best friend would call me and ask me

what I'm doing and I'm

just left the car or just left hanging

out you know you know how we do you know

how we do we always said we gonna leave

and we don't end up leaving so I want to

help you get to those steps so mental

steps that will move you forward and

move you closer to the goal of actually

leaving are going to be realizing that

you deserve more you deserve more say it

with me

I deserve more I deserve more I deserve

the best once you really accept that you

think about how this person treated you

you're not gonna really be so turned on

anymore you're not really gonna smile

when you think about this person and how

they really violated you because what

you really deserve it's the best and if

that person is not hit boom by so you

have to realize you deserve more you

have to push out the insecurities and

doubts that was something really really

big for me like I mentioned before I

felt like I was not going to meet

anybody else like that person ever in

life and I have it and I'm glad I have

it but at that time I thought that

person was the best thing in the world

you was not telling me I was not going

to marry him but this was the insecurity

and used to cover it up with oh I loved

him so much oh my gosh we have this best

bond it's the best bond in the world and

really girl all that was was me thinking

you know what let me accept all the hits

all the cheating all the lying

all of all of it everything that I went

through really push my insecurities deep

deep down so I wouldn't hear it so we

have to come to terms with our

insecurities what are your insecurities

of the relationship do not say you do

not have any insecurities within

yourself because if you didn't that

person would not be in your life the

reason why I say that is because you

respect yourself enough to know that you

don't deserve that kind of treatment I'm

such a mom but I really want to get that

in your heads I really want you guys to

realize you guys deserve more I need you

to get rid of the what-ifs I used to

have a bucket list of what ifs and if

you guys don't know what I'm talking

about

what am I gonna do on Facebook what am I

gonna do if he leaves and I don't have a

car anymore or I'm just making up things

what if what am I gonna do if she goes

ahead and leaves me is she gonna take

the kick I'm getting all up in your

business

is she gonna take the kids away what if

this what if that what am I gonna do

with the dog what am I going to get rid

of all of that none of that matters you

will figure all of that out leave that

for your future self right now in this

moment you really need to go ahead and

figure out these things so you can heal

yourself and move on other mental notes

that you need to take understanding that

it won't be easy this is not going to be

easy

another reason why I stayed is because I

was lazy I was lazy I didn't want to

feel like I had I didn't want to do all

of this work it's not fun doing this

it's not fun but it makes you better

though it really does it's not fun

digging deep inside of yourself and

figuring out what's wrong and taking out

all the bones and all the dirt and

everything in your closet and clearing

it out I mean let's be real nobody likes

to clean nobody unless you have 72 and

from Jamaica like nobody likes to clean

it was a joke it was a joke it was a

joke let's just reevaluate the mental

steps and the mental notes that we need

to do so we need to realize that we

deserve more we need to push out the

insecurities and the what-ifs we have to

understand that it's not gonna be easy

but it's not the end of the world it's

not the end of the world and you'll be

so much stronger after this trust me the

last note for the mental steps is going

to be you do not need closure contrary

to popular belief you do not need it and

I thought I needed it I needed to know

why the why always it's like a little

bug right all up in here like right in

here I don't know if there's anybody

else if you experienced this and if this

is how you are leave a comment down

below because for me I need to know I

run

every single thing every single scenario

back in my mind and I wanted to figure

out what I did wrong that's really what

it is you want closure to kind of figure

out what you did wrong and how you could

fix it you know you can't fix it the

reason why you can't fix it is because

there's something wrong with that person

you can love them from a distance but

that person is affecting your spirit so

back to the culture you don't always

need closure you don't need to know

don't ask him was she prettier don't ask

her did he have a car

it don't matter none of that stuff

matters it does not matter trust me it

does not matter because once you get the

closure at the end of the day the act

still happened what it whatever hurt you

still happened it's gonna it's gonna

sound like a bunch of excuses and the

majority of the time once you really sit

down and talk to that person you're

gonna feel worse you're gonna sit there

and wonder why I even agreed to meet

with this person every single thing that

they did is gonna keep replaying in your

mind to the point where like you're

gonna be really upset and it's gonna do

more harm than good

step number three is really gonna be

more of like physical steps so now that

we have acceptance now that we have

mental notes we can move on to more of

the physical steps they're gonna limit

who you tell that's going to be the

first note in the physical steps limit

who you tell pick one to two people

maybe and let them know so that way they

can kind of hold you accountable people

you can count on people you can call at

3 o'clock in the morning the reason why

I don't suggest that you tell more than

one person or I go make a Facebook post

or put broken up all over to your

Instagram whatever is because you do not

want this the reason why you don't want

this and this is people in their

opinions you don't know what this is

because you already got this up here

what's this this is all your

insecurities this is the what-ifs this

is the work that you have to do and you

have to get rid of so if you have this

and you have the outside people here

what should they go and do to get rid of

it and to make it stop if it's too hard

you're gonna go back you're gonna go

back it's gonna be easier for you to go

back and you don't want people not

you down you want people uplifting you

you want people actually celebrating you

fracturing leaving asking you what do

you need from me you need those type of

people in your life you don't have those

type of people in your life now you feel

like you can really count on it's okay

find something pray talk to God about it

do therapy there's nothing wrong with

therapy get a notebook write things down

don't want any reason to go back so buy

yourself a notebook that's another part

of this physical step buy a notebook I

want you to go ahead and write just

right right I'm telling you it's so

freeing right how you feel write

everything down and just get it out so

that way you don't have the urge to do

subs you know good know how we do you

know how as girls do guys too sometimes

okay you want to take all of that out

because that's also gonna give another

reason for the person to hit you up and

say hey don't be posting about me or

you're gonna have some back-and-forth

and you don't need you don't need that

it's about you you've given this person

enough of your energy it's about you

right now

the fourth step is another important

step cry cry and grieve we like to be

strong especially black women women of

color just women in general we just love

to be strong because we are we are women

are the stronger I honestly feel like

women are these strongest people on

earth when things that we have to go

through we carry life okay we go through

a lot but sometimes it's okay to not be

okay and this is one of those times and

it's such an important step because if

you skip over it and just move on to the

yep I left him girl I'm strong I'm this

I'm that you're gonna be okay for a

little while and then this is gonna come

back those thoughts are gonna come back

you're not gonna know what to do when

you see a photo or scroll on Instagram

and you see this person the reason why

is because you didn't grieve over it you

didn't let it go you didn't let it

freedom your spirit crying in

so free just cry and grieve take two to

three days no more than that unless this

is like a serious relationship like if

you've been with this person for like 14

years that says take a week

but don't take too long you know your

situation and you will know when it's

too long

trust me you'll know and it's an

important step because you don't want to

skip how you feel you don't want to skip

past that hurt you don't want to push it

down because it's only gonna come up in

a different type of way I know that too

and that's something that I'm still

working on in regards to just pushing

things down I push things down and it

comes out and being defensive or I used

to have a really really really really

bad attitude problem and that all came

from me pushing feelings down so you

don't want to leave a toxic relationship

only to skip this step and then develop

more toxic trees step number five is

going to be delete the number a lot of

people like to skip over the previous

steps and just go straight to just

deleting and and blocking numbers and

think that's gonna be gonna be okay

here I listed it as step number five

because healing has to be done first you

have to accept all those things are also

gonna block them and then what you're

gonna do you know what you're gonna do

you're gonna unblock them you're gonna

peak a little bit you're gonna see all

of those things so don't skip all the

way to this step make sure you do all

the previous steps before doing this one

and if you did it already that's

completely fine just make sure you do

all the steps included in this video

so step number five is gonna be delete

the number block them off social media

delete everything else and it's okay to

have a moment like in step number four

when you're grieving it's okay before

you delete like pictures of you two to

look at them it's okay it's okay you

don't have to automatically delete it

unless such as how you operate then

that's completely fine but for those of

you it's a little harder to let go of

things or if it's been so long it's okay

to look at the picture it's okay to look

at it

miss it but don't keep it step number

six is going to be self-care okay you

got to this point because you really

didn't care about yourself the way that

you thought you did or else you wouldn't

have accepted this type of treatment and

that's just a fact that's the reason why

I said acceptance is so important and

it's number one okay so number six is

going to be improve on your self-care

what does that look like that looks like

after your grieving days after you block

them whatever and now it's time to

celebrate it's time to celebrate because

you're going into a new chapter of your

life you have to go ahead and take

yourself out this time now in self-care

you are doing things that are helping

improve you make you feel better

okay healthy steps okay now go out and

get drunk or get high and try to forget

about everything that's completely

different what I'm saying here is go out

and celebrate

and get your nails done go get your hair

done go buy something that you always

wanted within your means

okay don't splurge and put yourself in

debt but go and make yourself feel good

because you deserve it okay

leaving a toxic relationship is to be

celebrated okay so step number one was

acceptance step number two was the

mental steps step number three was the

physical steps step number four was cry

grieve take the time out to do it step

number five was that more physical steps

which was delete the number the

Instagram block what have you whatever

you need to do so you don't see this

person at all on your phone okay

number six is improve on your self-care

the last step number seven is going to

be get support you need to go out and

again call on that friend pull on that

sister brother what have you and let

them know how you truly feel so that way

you have somebody to hold you

accountable you have somebody to push

you through this it's okay the reason

why I keep saying it's okay is because a

lot of us we like to think that I know I

do I like to say that I have it all

I'm gonna get it all together I don't

need nobody's help yes you do saying

that you need help is okay and help

doesn't necessarily always mean a

therapist help can just mean having

somebody talk to you on the phone for an

hour or two are going out to lunch with

somebody and just expressing your

feelings or going to a pastor or praying

a youth group our church group are going

somewhere where they're people that went

through something that you went through

there are way too many opportunities and

way too many things on social media to

pass up and when I say that I mean like

there are groups on Facebook you don't

have to talk about the topic the

Facebook group could be a makeup group

that could be your outlet that can be

something that you use to help you get

through this to find something that

supports you if you truly do not have

any of those things in your life make it

a point to go out and find it do not be

alone in this don't be alone in this

shoe

leave a comment down below I might start

my own Facebook group let me know if

that's something that you want let me

know that something you guys are

interested in okay those are the seven

steps on how to lead a toxic

relationship let me know the next topic

that you would like to see when it comes

to videos like this how did you enjoy

this first video I was a little nervous

I'm not gonna lie to you but honestly I

have a platform I want to use it I

definitely have a lot to say and a lot

of experiences to share so I said why

not in the comment section down below I

want to know if you left a toxic

relationship how did you leave like let

me know all the T you don't have to give

every single detail we don't have to

name names we don't have to say the date

that this happened but just drop some

knowledge down below because people

reads not everybody comments but people

read the comments so if you have a story

to share go ahead and share it down

below and if you are thinking about

leaving go ahead and leave that comment

to whatever your heart feels in the

comments section so again I love you

guys so much I'll see

my next videos they bus bye