HOW DO I OVERCOME FEELING INSECURE IN A RELATIONSHIP?
My name is Coach Natalie, and I'm a relationship coach, and I have dedicated
my life to helping people like you answer questions like this. I have
coached thousands of people throughout the course of my career and the reason
I'm committing to this project - HAPPILY COMMITTED - the reason I started
this project - HAPPILY COMMITTED - was because I fundamentally believe that
with the right approach you can stay committed for the long run
That you can grow alongside your partner instead of growing apart from your
partner like anyone in a long term relationship. It's normal to know that
not every day is easy. We don't always feel sexy, we don't always feel confident
we don't always know what's gonna happen next. We're nervous. What is he feeling?Does
he still like us? Does he still want to sleep with us? Does he still want to
commit to us? All of these questions over time can start to chip at our
self-esteem and before you know it or feeling really insecure. So I wanted to
make this video for you at home to help you find the right ways to overcome
feeling insecure in your relationship so that you can stay HAPPILY COMMITTED to
the person that you love the most. When it comes to overcoming insecurity
there's a very humongous thing that I'm about to share with you that will make
all the difference in how you handle this moving forward. That thing is this:
if you're insecure in your relationship you're really just insecure with you.
I know. It's frustrating you just want to think that your partner is the reason
you're insecure. That he did something that makes you feel insecure and because
of what he did or said now you're second-guessing yourself. It is so much
simpler than that. It's so simple it doesn't even involve two people. It
involves one - YOU. If you're insecure in this relationship is because you believe
he might be able to find someone better. You believe he might be able to find
someone sexier, cooler, more compatible and it is those fears that propel your
anxiety forward and encourage it to grow. And unless you tackle this insecurity,
unless you overcome these fears, it can spiral out of control,
and it can lead you to do and feel ridiculous things. It can make you call
him incessantly, it can make you never leave him alone, it can make you go
through his phone and second-guess all the things that he tells you.
So my recommendation to you if you're trying to overcome insecurity in a
relationship, is to really plunge into who you are and why you feel this way.
I think of a client that I have in California who when I first began
working with her she was really insecure that her boyfriend was gonna cheat.
She knew it. She said, "Coach Natalie if he's not already cheating he's gonna cheat."
In the beginning it was because he was always out late. Throughout the course of
our work together we discovered that it was because she felt overweight. She felt
as though she had lost control over her physical appearance because she was so
damn stressed at work and was too tired to go to the gym, was too tired to cook
lunch when she got home at night, and instead would grab fast food through the
drive-thru at lunchtime. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and
months eventually turned into a really shitty self-esteem. So our original goal
was to help her encourage him to come home. But this goal radically changed
shape and it changed direction. And instead of it being pointed at him, it
was pointed at her. We developed a strategy to make her feel sexier in her
own skin and believe it or not it was by focusing on her that one session she
came to me and she said, "Coach Nat, he's not doing anything.
I feel sexier than ever, he's never been more attracted to me." And that's not
because of how she looked physically. It's because of how she felt emotionally
in the relationship. People are attracted to people who are attracted to
themselves. The more into yourself you are, the more worthy of love you feel you
deserve, the more love you will get, the more eyes will stare at you. And that's
exactly what happened to my client in California - and that can happen to you.
So many people feel insecure because of what another man did to them. I've been
there. You date a man that mistreats you and now you assume all men will mistreat
you. And even before they do you're already ready for when they will.
"Okay, well he hasn't cheated on me yet but he will one day because so-and-so did.
He will one day because that time I dated that guy, I was mistreated." And now you're
punishing your current boyfriend or husband for the crime another man
committed. That doesn't sound fair, does it?
NO. And if you're gonna make him be punished for something another man did,
how was he supposed to fix that? You can't. So what does that mean for your
relationship? It means you're setting it up to fail. If you're putting a variable
entirely outside of his control, for him to fix, it sounds to me like your
expectations are unrealistic, that your insecurity will grow, and the love you
share will shrink. Be proactive. Don't worry about your partner yet. Focus on
you first. If you want to eliminate insecurities in your relationship,
eliminate the insecurities with you first. I invite you to start there, and
then see where you go. If you end up elevating your own self-esteem,
eliminating your personal insecurities, and working on your confidence, and
you're still not happy with your partner or your relationship, come back to this
video and leave me a comment. Let me know what's going on. But more often than not,
our relationships are just reflections of how we feel about ourselves.
As crazy as it sounds and as annoying as it sounds sometimes it's easier to displace
blame. It's easier to say it's your fault because that means we've got less work
to do. But usually that work is all on us. I would love to hear about the
insecurity that you're facing in your relationship, whether or not working on
yourself is helping, whether or not you've address this with your partner,
fill us in. The more you share with me the more that I can help and I've
dedicated my life to this because this is what gives me
purpose, and this is what brings me joy, and I'm so thankful to be able to tell
you that so many people around the world find success with the tips that we
provide on this channel. They find success in their relationships and in
the relationships that they have with themselves through simple tips like this.
So if you like what you're seeing and you relate to this content, hit the
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can use to keep your relationship stable, to keep it growing, to keep it healthy,
and to keep yourself HAPPILY COMMITTED.
So, this is coach Natalie. Thank you for
tuning in and I look forward to seeing you in the comments section below and
don't forget to go to happilycommitted.com to see all of our offerings, from
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