How to explain A Break Up To A Child
Break Up Advice: When There's Kids involved
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hi there I'm coach Craig Kenneth and
today's video is about how to deal with
a breakup when kids are involved okay so
this is a very very difficult situation
and it doesn't necessarily have to be
that you've had kids with your partner
they could be kids that you brought into
the relationship or kids that they
brought into the relationship and they
are going to be affected about the
situation too so I got a great quote
here by Sigmund Freud Sigmund Freud who
said we are never so vulnerable as when
we love and never so hopelessly unhappy
when we lose the object that we love
right so it's bad enough when we lose a
person during the break-up but we also
lose a lot of other people too
we lose friends family kids and that
believe it or not that matters I don't
know if you guys know this but those
people they count as real people too
because you probably known these people
for years and you probably love these
people and really care about them so I
got a great email from Bryan today and
this is a really good one Bryan I'm
really proud of the way you opened up
and shared this because a lot of guys
would not have the courage to put this
out there but you're obviously hurting
so you did so here's what Bryan says he
said hey coach I was hoping you could
help me out with my breakup of course I
can he said I feel lost I'm heartbroken
and I think I'm depressed I can barely
eat I eat only once a day and barely
have any appetite I lay awake at night
crying
I keep checking my phone to see if she's
called last night I made myself sick
while I was crying and I threw up all
over myself I've had throbbing headaches
and I can literally sit in a chair for
hours and not even turn on the TV my
girlfriend said she isn't attracted to
me anymore and broke up with me we've
been together for four years and I had
no idea she was unhappy she said she
only sees me as a friend and wants to
start dating other people yeah okay he's
got it bad guys and you know what I've
been there I've been there so I know
exactly what you're going through dude
man I mean it's bad enough that you lose
the girl but then she's telling me she
wants to see other people already and
she sees you as a friend oh man that's
just like that nice right in there and
twisting it poof okay well I don't let
me go on this a little more he says she
had two sons who I love like my own kids
I took them to all their little league
games we used to do everything together
their own father wants nothing to do
with them but they call me Dad they call
me from their phone all the time and
asked me where I am oh my god
this one is this one's brutal dude and I
actually you know got goose bumps when
you said that last part because that
happened to me and I've been in your
shoes and you do sound depressed and
I've been depressed over breakups and
there were two that I was really
depressed over and
um you know I'll share what happened
with me because you know if it helps you
guys get through it then I don't mind
opening up you guys open up to me so I'm
gonna open up to you I was in a
situation where I dated a girl and she
had a girl that a little girl daughter
that was a year and a couple of months
old when we first started dating and she
was three when we broke up so basically
I saw this kid learn to do everything
you know walk and talk and all that
stuff and I absolutely love this kid we
were attached at the hip I mean nothing
made me happier than coming home and
literally the minute I would open the
door her hear her screaming Craig and
just running from the end of the house
and jumped into my arms and this was
like everyday and she was just like my
sunshine you know she just made my world
like so happy and and just amazing
because with a kid it's just this
unconditional love you know when you're
with a partner it's more conditional and
it's it's just a very different love
when you love a child and so I've been
in that situation I was you know I was
having a really hard time I used to wake
up in the middle of the night with cold
sweats I lost like 20 pounds I couldn't
eat I would get diarrhea every morning
at 6 o'clock in the morning I would wake
up and have to go to the bathroom I'm
not kidding you I know it's embarrassing
but you know what that is why I do want
to do this is why I care about it so
much because I've been there and I know
what it's like to go through that and I
wish there had been somebody out there
that could have helped me and give me
the answers because believe me I looked
everywhere
I was calling my friends I was calling
my family I was going I got a therapist
and nothing seemed to give me the
answers that I wanted my friend
and family would all give me conflicting
information and I would weigh it and
double weigh it and triple weigh in on
how to handle it because I didn't want
to do anything to make it worse which
ultimately of course I did right because
what we focus on we attract and this is
what I did is what Brian does here
because he wants to know if there's
anything that he can do to get her back
so he wants to know if the grand gesture
is gonna work and I can tell you from
experience it ain't like the movies the
whole grand gesture thing that we see in
the movies is a complete lie
go ahead and do it if you want to nail
the coffin shut because it's gonna I
guarantee it's gonna I did the the I was
gonna tell you this is a this is
embarrassing this is embarrassing but
you know what I really loved this girl
and I thought we were gonna get married
and so this is what I did after she
broke up with me it would all and only
been a couple of days and I thought
maybe it was just a fight I didn't think
it was gonna last I mean because our
relationship was so solid and we had
such a good time together all the time I
really didn't think we were gonna break
up so she had told me that maybe a
couple months before the breakup that
she wanted to redo the whole front of
the house and the the Garter well not
the garden the shrubs and the you know
the mulch and flowers and stuff like
that so I waited until she went to work
and yes I did the whole front of the
flower bed I planted flowers I trimmed
the hedges I put mulch down I made it
look amazing and let me tell you she
came home she was pissed she wasn't
happy about it she was
pissed and that's what the grand gesture
is gonna do for you if you try it guys
you can go ahead and try but I see time
and time again this is exactly what the
grand gesture does so when I tell you
don't do the grand gesture I know from
experience that what happens is you have
a very angry ex-girlfriend who now just
really doesn't want to speak to you so
he wants to know is there anything that
he can do to get her back yes and no you
can't physically do anything calling or
texting her contacting her talking to
her friends talking to her family all
that stuff will not get get her back
that won't get her back what will get
her back is leaving her alone completely
showing her your strength by not
contacting her I guarantee even one text
message could blow it don't contact her
at all if you have you have to stop it
immediately you need to take some space
for yourself you need to look at what's
going on in this situation and realize
that your behavior is come across as
feminine or needy and clingy so if you
cling to her more by contacting her
that's gonna turn her off you need to
back away give her space I guarantee at
some point she will revisit the idea of
getting back with you now I can't say
it's a hundred percent but it's pretty
close especially if you've been together
for a while so back away she you on her
own terms will start to revisit the idea
of coming back to you and you know how
she'll do it she'll call you she'll text
you she'll ask you something stupid
anything something insignificant it's
just because she's wanting to see how
you're gonna handle it and in that
situation you need to just make a date
and hang out with her and have fun with
her it depends upon your living
situation obviously every situation is
different if you're living with them
yeah they moved out yet or you know I
would suggest since she broke up with
you and if if you're not living together
then have her come to your place and
cook dinner together have a good time
together but make her come to you
if you guys are living together then
like suggest that you cook something
together at your house and then just
hang out have some wine together try and
rekindle the romance there but I can
tell you that when kids are involved
this struggle is you have different
feelings for different people you're
gonna be sad because you miss both of
them but what you need to do is you need
to get angry at your ex believe it or
not in order to move on you need to get
angry at your ex and that was a real
struggle for me cuz I was so sad I
couldn't get angry I was just too hurt
to get angry well you'll get there
you'll get there and if you are feeling
depressed then I really suggest you find
yourself a great therapist that could
help you get through it because you
don't need to go through it alone I'm
here to help you with the coaching as
well if you don't want to sign up for
email coaching with me or Skype coaching
watch my videos you know I've been in
your situation I've studied this stuff I
can tell you that in one other situation
I'm not gonna get into this breakup
today but I can tell you that literally
every life all of my friends and family
said I had zero chance of getting back
with my ex I implied all this dried up
implied I'm sorry I applied all the
strategies all the techniques that I
teach you and I did get back with my ex
and that is 100% true and that's how I
know this stuff works so when you have
kids in the situation you need to grieve
if it's you need to grieve the situation
it's tough
you're going to miss them you're going
to cry about them you're going to still
love them
and that's okay I still have I haven't
seen this little girl a couple of years
and I still love her I always wonder how
she's doing and you know I hope she has
a very happy life and you know if you're
in a situation where there's an kids
involved and your ex won't let you see
them then you're gonna have to let go
you're gonna have to grieve and let go
because if there's nothing you can do
about it
then there's nothing you can do about it
but grieve and and let them go and mourn
their loss and maybe other family and
friends that you won't get to spend time
with or talk to anymore
perfectly normal you got to feel it to
heal it right so I think that's all I
really wanted to cover for this video
make sure you subscribe to my youtube
channel go to my website ask craig
dotnet sign up for the coaching that
works best for you I want you guys to
know that I am here for you I am trying
to provide the service that I wish I had
gotten during my breakups because I just
felt absolutely lost and confused like
Brian did and I commend him for opening
up the way he did and some of you guys
may laugh about it some of you guys may
laugh about me I don't care that's fine
because if I helped even one guy get
through this breakup and a way that I
didn't get that help
then I'm okay with that so
you
