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couples were exchanging rings in ancient
Egypt over 3,000 years ago and today
couples are exchanging rings in wedding
ceremonies all over the world it's a
thing but there are so many questions
around the exchanging of the Rings in
the wedding ceremony who brings the ring
in once the ring comes in what happens
to the person who keeps the ring is
there somebody who holds the rings
during the ceremony what does that
person do when it's time to exchange the
ring and give it to the bride or groom
how does the bride or groom put the ring
on the other person's hand did they say
something did they repeat what's the
best I'm mark Alyn grello I'm a book
solid full time professional wedding
officiant there are a lot of moving
parts around the exchanging of the Rings
and if we overlook any of those parts it
can lead to everything from the person
who's supposed 10 of the Rings not
having them to the bride or the groom
stumbling all over their words when
they're asking when we're asking them to
repeat after us in the ceremony itself
and so without further ado here are
eight tips for exchanging the Rings
really well to prevent any of those
mishaps from happening let's get right
to it
number one is decide who will be holding
the Rings in the ceremony now as the
wedding officiant the person in charge
of putting together the whole ceremony
we need to talk with our couple about
many of the decisions around what's
gonna happen in the ceremony I like to
have a ceremony planning workshop about
four to six weeks before the day in that
wedding planning ceremony session called
the wedding workshop I asked my couple
one of the many questions is who will be
holding the ring in the wedding ceremony
now sometimes it's important to remember
the person who's gonna bring the Rings
in and the person is going to keep the
Rings during the ceremony that's not the
same person a lot of couples will opt
for a ring bearer to come in usually a
young boy to walk down the aisle with
the Rings in a box or on the pillow and
hand them to somebody and that person
will hold the Rings during the ceremony
traditionally that is the best man so
the ring bear
we'll walk-in down the aisle open the
box could go up to the best man open the
box the best man will remove the Rings
put them in his pocket now some couples
opt to have the best man hold one and
the maid of honor hold another if that's
what's happening in this ceremony I've
seen it all sometimes the ring bearer
goes to Grandpa in the front row and he
holds onto them and brings them up in
the ceremony when it's time sometimes
it's a dog who walks down the aisle with
the Rings attached to a collar yes I've
seen that I've even heard one of my
coaching clients talk about a horse that
brought in the ring so somebody's gonna
bring the rings into the ceremony space
and somebody else perhaps is going to
hold on to the Rings during the ceremony
it's important to find out in the weeks
leading up to the wedding itself who
will be holding the Rings in the
ceremony so when it's time to do the
exchange you can call on that person or
animal that brings us to the second
thing to consider now it is time to
choose where to put the ring exchange in
your ceremony script now in my opinion
the ring exchange almost always goes
best after the wedding vows I like to do
the vows then I like to put on the Rings
as a physical concrete symbol kind of
nailing in that promises that the couple
made earlier with their words now it
becomes concrete in the form of a ring
now that is not to say you can't put
anything between the vows and the
exchange of the Rings a lot of the time
if there's some sort of wedding ritual I
like to do that right after the vows so
whether it's jumping over a broom
whether it's a unity candle lighting
maybe it's a sand mixing a whiskey
mixing you know lighting something on
fire smoke all the things I know
sometimes all the elements they sound
like a magic show and you say them all
together but coming out of the vows you
might want to do a ritual of some sort
right there let's say I say in mixing
and then move into the Rings now again
the one thing to consider is a
handfasting ceremony that one involves
the hands and
the Rings involve hands as well so if
you're gonna do a handfasting ceremony
that's the one case or you might want to
do rings before the hand fasting because
of course you're gonna tie up their
hands and that's a logistical problem
when it's time to put rings on so in
that case I often do vows then rings
then a hand fasting after the Rings are
on but usually you're gonna want to put
a ritual between the two so in a
nutshell almost always wedding vows then
wedding rings then getting ready to
pronounce the couple as married okay
that brings us to consideration number
three which is check that the ring
keeper does have the Rings before
starting the ceremony so we've decided
with our couple who is going to have the
Rings in the ceremony we've decided
we're in our wedding script the ring
exchange goes best now we can skip right
to the wedding day now about five
minutes before the ceremony when
everyone is lined up at the back
everyone who's gonna come into the
ceremony down the aisle at a certain
point of course the couple their parents
perhaps stepparents their bridesmaids
their groomsmen the ring bearers the
junior flower bridesmaids flower girls
animals whatever it is everyone and
everything that's gonna come down the
aisle everyone's lined up it's we're
just a couple of minutes of forth start
time and as I discuss in my video five
last things to check right before we
kick off I always make a point of
finding the person who is supposed to
have the Rings as we said maybe it's a
ring bearer maybe it's the best man but
find that person go up to them and ask
them directly do you have the Rings you
would be surprised how often the answer
is oh my goodness no and then of course
they have to get the Rings and retrieve
them that's happened actually so often
that I generally ask that person half an
hour before the ceremony when I show up
early so you might want to get into that
practice just to make sure they're not
in the
tell room we're back in the car and you
don't want to find that out two minutes
of for ceremonies start time but at the
very least do it again just as a last
double check to make sure before we go
out there say to the person who's
supposed to have the rings do you have
the Rings when the answer is yes then
you are ready to kick off that wedding
ceremony which leads us to point number
four which is introduce the ring
exchange section of the wedding ceremony
with a reflection so when you move into
the ring exchange part of the wedding
ceremony you want to explicitly state
almost give a marker for everyone
listening that we are moving from one
part of the ceremony into this next part
they don't have the advantage of reading
the way you might read a blog or an
article where our eye page breaks
paragraph breaks that helps us so it's
good to say in a wedding ceremony when
you're moving from one part into another
what's happening next so I will say
something very explicit like Morgan and
Julian will now exchanged rings as a
symbol of the promises they've made here
today and of their ongoing commitment to
each other now that's what I say
this is where I recommend signal that
we're entering the ring exchange time
and then also now it's time for you to
go into some sort of reflection it can
be as long or as short as you want about
why we exchanged wedding rings and what
makes this so significant and important
to this day and to the couple so if you
want to talk about how the ring is round
and round and it goes round and round
it'll never end just like the love of
this couple do that you'll hear that in
a lot of ceremonies do you want to talk
about how the rings are made of precious
metal and forged in fire and that's like
life and commitment and all the things
that are gonna happen forge this bond
that will never be broken between this
couple do that too so just think of a
reflection maybe you scour the religious
tradition of the couple or your
tradition if it's the same as the couple
to think about something that might go
well in this section or just reflect on
the ring itself and come up with
something entirely new but you're gonna
want to say something about the Rings
here we're going into the Rings you tell
everyone
then make a little reflection about why
we do it we won't on everyone to sit
there and go like what's the point of
this just walk them through why it's
significant and then we go into the
logistical part of actually exchanging
the wedding rings
now as for me I keep it short and simple
the focus of my ceremonies is telling
the couple's story and so I just focus
on their story and the commitment
basically how they got together I have a
formula boat on the couples story and
then I say when we get to this part
again like I said earlier Morgan and
Julian will now Exchange rings as a
symbol of the promises they've made here
to get today because remember we just
did the vows and of their ongoing
lifelong commitment to each other and
then it's time for the keeper the Rings
to bring the Rings forward and now it
gets a little bit logistical so we got
to talk this through which brings us to
number five which is make sure the ring
keeper knows the cue for when to come
forward with the Rings now traditionally
when it's time for the groom to put the
ring on the bride's finger say this is
where the wedding officiant again has
traditionally said who has the Rings
this is part of a rich tradition where
the officiant asks questions in the
wedding ceremony that make it seem like
he doesn't know where he is or what he's
doing like when you know the father gets
to the end of the aisle with the bride
and the officiant says who gives this
woman to be married to this man today
does it use any names doesn't seem to
really know who the person is standing
before him that kind of thing so
weddings are a lot more personal now we
can get away from acting like we don't
it's just we do so many weddings every
day because this is our parish we don't
even know what's going on now we can use
first names we can address people like
we know what's going on because we've
had meetings with them presumably they
know us and we know why they're here
today so as I was saying earlier for
newer officience I advise that we be as
explicit as possible in a wedding
ceremony there are a lot of moving parts
and it just helps so for example like we
said when it's time to exchange rings
you tell everyone it's going on they
will now Exchange rings when it's time
to say vows
would say to your couple Julian I'm
going to ants ask you a question and you
can please reply with I do or you can
say please repeat after me the same goes
here you're gonna want to say to whoever
has the keeper the rings use use the
person's name so you can say Chris would
you please now come forward and give
Morgan's ring to Julian now for me
because I have a rehearsal for every
single wedding I do I basically insist
on it I don't use an explicit prompt
like that basically in the rehearsal
that's where I mean I'm pretty I'm
pretty excruciating about practicing the
Rings for the rehearsal as we'll discuss
in the next few moments but I give say
the best man if the best man is the one
with the Rings in the rehearsal I will
say here's what I'm gonna say and this
is where you spring into action I'll
give you a nod but I'm going to say
Morgan and Julian will now Exchange
rings as a symbol of the promises
they've made here today and of their
ongoing commitment to each other and I'm
going to turn to you and I'm going to
nod at that point that's when you come
forward okay so whether you explicitly
give the prompt or whether you practice
it in the rehearsal either way we're
achieving that goal of saying to the
keeper of the Rings
here is your cue and when this happens
it's time to come forward with the Rings
which leads us to point number six which
is the ring keeper gives the ring to the
groom or to partner one now I say
partner one because I try not to be
heteronormative it's the same-sex
wedding then it doesn't really groove to
groom bride to bride but this is the
part where the person who keeps the
Rings gives the ring to the person who
is about to take their turn putting the
ring on their fiancees finger now this
seems pretty self-explanatory and
straightforward it's surprisingly not
there are three tips three hacks I want
to give you to help you go smoothly here
and avoid any disasters first I tell the
ring keeper not to keep the Rings in a
box this seems counterintuitive right
because aren't the Rings really safe in
a box nestled inside your coat nice and
cozy
so they're ready no absolutely not I
have had several mishaps with best men
who have not listened to me and have had
the rings in a box so the most notable
was an outdoor wedding on a deck the
poor best man stepped forward just like
we practiced in the rehearsal of course
he didn't have the box and I advised him
not to have a box but he steps forward
with the box pops it open and of course
because the Rings shifted when he was
walking and when he pulled it out of his
they weren't nestled in their nice tight
little slots he opened the box they
popped out like jacks in the Box
actually hit the deck and started
rolling there were big cracks in the
wood and we all just kind of stood
frozen helplessly watching the Rings
roll towards a crack and mercifully just
kind of go and not actually roll between
the cracks and it was just you know made
it at a moment of levity like I've
talked about in other videos be ready to
make a joke I said something like great
just like we practiced and everybody
laughed so it was great but my goodness
what if the Rings had fallen through the
cracks there so because Rings bounce and
shift in a box you don't actually know
how they're placed when you crack that
thing open I always say to the best man
if he's carrying the Rings or whoever
has the Rings don't put them in anything
have them in your pocket reach in your
pocket pull them out so that you're
handling them directly and there's no
unpleasant surprises now the second
thing is a bit of stagecraft a lot of
the time the groomsmen and the
bridesmaids will be lined up cut more
behind the couple because the couple's
kind of popped out towards the guests in
the seat and so it is kind of instinct
for the best best man if he has the
Rings to just kind of take one little
step towards the groom and the groom
will turn like this or like this to get
the Rings what happened there is when
the groom turns see what I've done there
is I've turned my back to you now if
you're the wedding guests you you've had
you just see the back of the groom if
you're the photographer you just see the
back of the groom as well so like I say
a bit of stagecraft here I always tell
the best man go the long
take a couple of steps to the other side
of the grow so that the groom has to
open his body up and turn forward
instead of back that way all the guests
can see what's going on the photographer
can get a great shot and everything is
unimpeded lastly I tell the brides and
grooms in the rehearsal I say how do you
accept the ring and groomsmen if he is
the ring keeper how do you put the ring
in the groom's hand and I always tell
them none of this none of this pincer to
pincer we're so bad at this I say let's
practice this put your hand out flat
your palm and the breast man whoever has
the Rings is going to place the ring
flat in the palm and you close your hand
around it let's not have rings falling
not on our watch and that is just a
really simple logistical thing let's let
me demonstrate that again palm up bride
or groom ring keeper puts it in the palm
boom you know it's a fail-safe method
none of this pin sort of pincer thing we
haven't evolved well enough to do that
yet in a wedding ceremony for whatever
reason well now with the Rings passed
safely off it is time to move to the
next part which is and this is for you
wedding officiants wait number seven
wait while partner one places the ring
on partner twos finger wait I
contemplated calling this next point
avoid this major rookie mistake but in
fact I've seen some experienced
professionals do this as well basically
what we don't want to do here is ruin
the moment by making the brides and
grooms do two things at once which
essentially in this example is don't
make them try to put the ring on the
finger and repeat or say any words at
the same time it'll ruin the moment and
here's how and here's why in the wedding
ring exchange essentially two things are
happening they're putting the ring on
the finger as I just said and they're
saying words well when we collapse these
two things we ruin the moment let me
give you an example so here's one
scenario the groom takes the ring starts
putting it on the bride's finger but it
sticks
it doesn't go on easily this happens
almost all the time by the way trying to
get the ring on it's not going on over
the knuckle they giggle a little bit
there's some blushing some embarrassment
and then the officiant starts pulls out
their verbal six-shooter and starts
saying to the groom okay now please
repeat after me Sandra I give you this
ring and then so he's still trying to
put the ring on it's not going on
they're focused on this am I ever gonna
get the ring on and then the officiant
starts saying words add the groom and
the poor guys trying to do two things at
once usually it leads to him going I
can't can you please repeat that I'm
sorry I was trying to and it just kind
of ruins the moment now let me walk you
through scenario number two groom is
putting the ring on Brides finger and
it's not going on it's sticking it's not
going over the knuckle all that good
stuff
officiant just waits and smiles and the
groom is sweating a little bit he'll
make a little comment like who this is
tough work the bride will make a little
crack like it's sometime today is this
gonna are you gonna be able to do this
people are giggling they're laughing the
guests are laughing a little bit and the
officiant you can just join into that
moment don't be afraid of the silence
don't be afraid of what's gonna happen
it's a little bit awkward but it's also
funny give it some air let it breathe he
will get the ring on eventually I've
never had to call for dish soap yet so
the ring goes on everybody giggles and
then kind of recomposes themselves and
then the officiant says and now Morgan
please repeat after me and he starts the
repeating part and that part is moving
and beautiful so see what happened there
when you make them put the ring on and
talk at the same time you're actually
ruining both moments you're ruining how
funny the awkward thing can be and
you're ruining how moving and beautiful
the repeating of the commitment words
can be whereas if you give it space and
let it breathe the funny awkward part is
quite humorous and memorable and then
the repeating of the words is actually
quite moving and beautiful and you're
accomplishing to both wonderful things
so if you're doing a wedding rehearsal
which is what i always recommend and i
have a video on that how to run a fun
and successful wedding rehearsal in the
wedding rehearsal I always tell the
couple I'm not
make you walk and chew gum at the same
time so to speak I'm not gonna make you
put the ring on and talk at the same
time they're each gonna take their turns
put the ring groom puts the ring on you
wait then ask the groom to repeat a few
words oh and then repeat the process the
best man ring keeper gives the ring to
the bride bride puts the ring on the
finger and then she repeats the words do
those things very separately and
distinctly and this part will always be
a smash success so basically we've
already covered this but it has to be
said the final distinct part of the ring
exchange is point number eight prompt
partner one to consummate his or her
ring exchange with a few words so when
the ring is on we want to help partner
one seal the deal with saying a few
words sometimes that's repeat after me
and so I recommend getting them they've
already said their vows but here like I
say this is kind of nailing at home a
concrete physical symbol of those
promises and so this is the part
afterwards when the ring is on you just
say very explicitly Morgan please repeat
after me
now here if you're part of a religious
tradition certain places certain faiths
something very specific and traditional
is said here make sure you ask the
couple typically when I share the script
with them my couples are usually secular
so I just have a wonderful little kind
of consummation here about why they're
giving the rings to each other what it
means and actually this is exactly what
I tell them most couples love and you
can use it for yourself I say I say
please repeat after me and then he'll
start he'll say Morgan I give you this
ring as a reminder that I will love and
honor you please wear it as a daily sign
of my commitment to you that's it that's
what I asked a couple of say it's not
too long it's not too short it drives
the point home you can get that
scripting at the blog posts that I wrote
about this on how to officiate a wedding
CA the link will be in the description
below some couples they do not want to
repeat they're just too nervous they
want to say almost enough
in the ceremony in that case you can
rephrase that to a question again you'll
find that as well in the same blog post
and that's yours to keep when you ask
the question you just ask it in the form
of dude do you and then they answer I do
remember the steps walk them out in a
wedding rehearsal with your couple and
all their friends and family and there
you go bingo you'll have a wedding ring
exchange that even an ancient Egyptian
would absolutely love like I said don't
forget to grab the scripting for this in
the companion blog post you'll find it
in the description below if you haven't
grabbed my guide yet my 10-part wedding
ceremony guide how to put a ceremony
together please grab that how to
officiate a wedding dot CA / guide if
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