[Music]
Okay, I know what you're thinking.
Confident hacks, really? Look, the word "hacks"
has been so overused lately that it's
practically meaningless. The problem is
that people think that hacks are things
that are gonna give them instant results
without them having to do any work at
all. These confidence hacks are different
because they do require some effort on your
part. But each one is a highly targeted
action that you can take to get an
almost immediate boost to your mood and
your self-esteem. Without any further ado,
here are seven ways you can legitimately
increase your confidence when you need
it most. Real quick, I want to give a big
thanks to Scentbird for sponsoring this
video and for supporting the channel.
Number one, get out of your head and into
your body. So one of the biggest enemies
of confidence on a daily basis is your
own mind--yes your own mind. So some
people speculate that the human mind has
up to 70 thousand thoughts per day. And
because humans have evolved to be on
constant alert for danger and threats to
their survival, many of those thoughts
are negative. The constant "what if?" What
if I'm not good enough? What if I fail?
Sometimes we get so caught up in our
negative thoughts that we go down a
rabbit hole. And if you've ever been
stuck in a negative headspace, you know
that trying to think your way out of
that is nearly impossible. And that's why
the quickest way to actually change your
mood and your confidence is actually by
changing your physiology--by moving your
body. Not only does exercise distract you
from your negative thoughts, but it's
actually been proven to physiologically
increase your sense of well-being by
providing feel-good endorphins that help
reduce anxiety and boost your confidence.
Even if you can't exercise, deliberately
adjusting your posture can have an
almost immediate impact on your mood.
According to Harvard professor Amy Cuddy,
just doing two minutes of these simple
"power poses" like standing with your
hands on your hips is enough to decrease
cortisol (a stress hormone) and an
increased testosterone. And the
combination of that can make you feel
more relaxed and more confident. Number
two, harness the power of scent. Now, scent
has a very powerful effect on us. Have
you ever noticed how a single smell can
transport you back to a very specific
memory in a way that no other sense can
really?
And it shouldn't be a surprise that
smelling better can increase our sense
of feeling more put-together and
well-groomed. But a 2009 study actually
showed that wearing fragrances can
increase how confident we appear to
other people. During the double-blind
study, women were asked to watch
videotapes of men who were either
wearing cologne or not wearing cologne.
And surprisingly, the women were more
attracted to the men who were wearing
cologne, even though they couldn't smell
them. So in a nutshell, when you smell
good, you feel more confident, so you act
more confident. And people notice. And
that's why wearing cologne can often be
that x-factor in our grooming routine
that can take us from having a ho-hum
day to feeling like we're on top of the
world. I haven't worn a lot of cologne in
the past and so I'm just starting to
kind of dip my toe into the world of
fragrance. And about a year and a half
ago, I discovered a company called Scentbird,
which is essentially a subscription
service for fragrances. And there's a lot
of things that are great about this for
people who either don't wear a lot of
cologne regularly or who are just kind of
starting out with fragrance. First, the
fragrances come in a small spray size, so
you're not stuck with a big bottle of
something that you absolutely hate, and
that kind of allows you to "date"
different fragrances without having to
commit to one so soon. Secondly, the
experience of shopping for a fragrance
with Scentbird is much more comfortable,
especially if you're like me and you
don't like the department store
perfume counter atmosphere, with bright
lights and the cacophony of smells. I
mean, sometimes it's really hard to
actually know what you're smelling when
you're there. It's totally overwhelming.
So Scentbird partners with designer
brands--everything from like Tom Ford to
Gucci to Prada to Guerlain. And so their
selection is pretty broad, and they
actually have something like 450
different fragrances that you can choose
from on the website. For $14.95 a month
they don't just send you a tiny sample,
they actually send you a full of
rollerball size that lasts 30 days, and
would normally probably cost you twice
what this is for that same size. In the
past, I was almost afraid to wear cologne
because I was worried about maybe
putting on too much, but as I've gotten
more experience with it I have a better
sense of how much to use. And it's nice
because it really is that kind of final
little zhuzh to your grooming routine,
and you get that sort of crisp feeling
of confidence that you get when you
walk out of the barber with a nice
clean
haircut. If you're interested in checking
out Scentbird, they've given us an offer
code that you can use. Just enter offer
code TDM25 and you can actually get 25%
off your first cologne or perfume. So
I'll go ahead and leave that code in the
video description as well. Number 3, do a
small act of kindness for someone else.
So another great way to boost your
confidence is to just stop thinking
about yourself and your own problems for
just a second and focus on someone else
for a change.
We get so caught up in our own drama and
baggage that sometimes we forget a very
simple truth: we have the ability to make
other people happy.
You'd be surprised, but knowing that
you've actually brightened someone's day
can often help neutralize all the
petty concerns that you've had about
your your own day. And guess what?
Helping other people actually has a
physiological effect that can boost your
mood as well. In the book The Healing
Power of Doing Good, Allan Luks and Peggy
Payne talk about how helping others can
actually trigger what they call a
"helpers high." Similar to the runner's high
that athletes experience, helping other
people can trigger a release of
endorphins, and then after that initial
rush you experience a longer period of
calm and emotional well-being. Go out and
do something nice for a stranger. I mean
you can go so far as volunteering at a
local shelter for half a day. And I've got
to say that nothing puts your
petty concerns in perspective like being
around a bunch of people who don't have
regular access to a warm meal or a
warm bed. But it could also be as simple
as just paying for a stranger's coffee
in line at Starbucks. You're going to be
surprised at how good you feel
afterwards. Number four, take a calculated
risk. Another thing that can skyrocket
your confidence almost instantaneously
is stepping outside of your comfort zone.
We spent so much of our lives living in
such a confined sphere: work, home,
friends, family. And in that familiar
environment, all of our self criticisms
and problems seem much bigger and much
more difficult to solve. But we forget
how invigorating can be to get a
different perspective. Challenge
ourselves. To take a risk. And I'm not
talking about doing anything physically
dangerous. I mean, there's plenty of
social risks that could be just as scary.
Single? Grow a pair and finally approach
that girl you've been meaning to talk to. Ask
your boss for a raise.
Try a new haircut. Take a class and learn
a new skill. Attend a conference or plan
a trip to a place where you don't know
anyone
else. So many of these things initially
seem like risks but then once you
actually work up the courage to take the
leap, a huge weight is lifted off your
shoulders. And you think to yourself, "I
was afraid to do this?" The best thing, is
even if you don't reach your intended
target the first time, even if you fail,
you still feel better about yourself
because you had the cojones to put
yourself out there and try. And after a
while, this sensation of
wanting to look fear in the face and go
for it really becomes addictive, because
you feel this positive momentum in your
life and it really gives you a lot of
confidence. Number five, reconnect with
play. So another thing that sometimes
zaps our confidence is this constant
drive to achieve more. Technology has
made it so that we're always on when it
comes to work, and the the rat race is
more of a grind than ever.
We feel like we have to constantly push
ourselves to work harder, to achieve more,
but it's never quite enough. So maybe
sometimes the solution isn't working
harder, it's allowing ourselves to
rediscover play. As Charlie Hoehn writes
in Play it Away, sometimes the simple
joy of reconnecting with play can do
wonders for our confidence and our
stress level. No longer are we beating
ourselves up for not pushing and
achieving more, we're just simply
allowing ourselves to be. Rather than
trying to be productive, for once maybe
you should just let yourself enjoy
playing a game, doing a puzzle, shooting
hoops, playing catch, being a kid again.
Charlie says "play is a state where we
are truly ourselves once we let go of
our egos and fear of looking stupid."
Ironically, allowing yourself periods of
play can actually increase your
productivity. So that release that comes
with letting go of that stress for only a
few hours perhaps, can help improve your
focus, improve your creativity, improve
your confidence and your satisfaction
with work and the life in general.
Number six, talk to yourself. Now, whether
you realize it or not, you already talk
to yourself all the time. The thing
that we sometimes forget is that
we have the power to decide whether
that's positive or negative. Think
positive self-talk is too woo-woo for you? You
know who else gets motivated by talking
to themselves? Navy SEALs. Oh yeah, and
Olympic athletes. Even with their elite
training and extreme levels of physical
fitness,
Navy SEALs and Olympic athletes have
realized that psyching themselves up
mentally and squashing negative
self-talk is key for achieving peak
performance. But it turns out there's a
right way and a wrong way to talk to
yourself.
Personal development guru Gary John
Bishop believes that positive
affirmations don't work because we're
trying to convince ourselves of
something that we fundamentally don't
believe. "I'm a killer on the dance floor.
Ladies can't resist my super sexy moves!"
That's a great aspiration, but when
you're trying to tell yourself that
you've attained something that you
actually haven't, that becomes a
disconnect in your mind. So rather than
use positive affirmations, Bishop
recommends using positive assertions. The
difference is that assertions are things
that you can legitimately summon on your
own. And one of the big assertions that
Bishop mentions is the phrase "I am
willing." "I am willing to put in the work
to be a good dancer. And I'm willing to
get out there on the dance floor make a
fool of myself to impress the ladies."
Assertions work because they don't
conflict with reality. You can make them
true. And no one can take that away from
you. Number seven, create an "awesome log."
Now, a final way to boost your confidence
is just to remind yourself of past
successes. Now, we all have little wins, I
mean almost every day. The problem is
that we forget about them. So at best we
allow ourselves a few moments to kind of
like bask in the afterglow. But then
very quickly we're on to the next stress
or next challenge. It helps to sit down
and try to think of all the times when
you've had little wins and when things
have gone well, etc. But it also helps to
have a system to capture those things
going forward. And that's why you should
create an "awesome log" and use it to
keep track of things like little
personal wins, great compliments that
you've received, small victories at work,
meaningful conversations you don't want
to forget, things that made you proud. So,
you could go analog with this, and simply
just record this stuff in a notebook, or
you could use an app like Evernote. Or
you could have a little bit of fun with
that make it a little more interactive
by putting post-it notes in a mason jar.
And that way you can sort of watch your
awesome log grow right before your eyes.
If you're having trouble thinking of
past victories, ask for help. Ask your
friends or ask your co-workers. You know,
a lot of times they'll be able to
remember positive experiences that you've
had that maybe you've forgotten about. By
capturing those thoughts going forward
you can refer
back to your awesome log whenever you
need a little pick-me-up, and you need to
remember that, "oh yeah, that's right: I am
awesome! And here are a few reasons why..."
Alright, gentlemen. I hope you enjoyed
that video. Now I want to hear from you
guys: what other confidence hacks have you
guys used to boost your confidence. Once
again, thanks to Scentbird for making
this video possible. And guys, if you want
to take advantage of that that deal that
I mentioned earlier, you can use that
offer code TDM25 to save 25% off.
And I will leave that in the
description below as well. If you like
this video, please do me a favor and hit that
like button. If you want to subscribe to
see more videos like this, you can click
right about here. Make sure to hit that
bell icon to be notified when videos
come out. If you want a free copy of my
ebook, "48 Hour Gentlemen," you can do that
by clicking right here. And if you just
want to watch another Distilled Man video,
you can do that by clicking right here.
Thanks again for watching, and I'll see
you soon.
[Music]
