How to encourage Children
How To Praise and Encourage Kids
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[Music]
[Applause]
you're praising your kid all wrong it's
not your fault you're doing it wrong you
probably relish the exact same praise
you're clever you're the best you're
gorgeous and you're giving your child
encouragement and self-confidence right
well you're not this type of praise
focuses on what the child is which in
theory sounds great all parents want
their kids to be and feel smart
beautiful and strong but in practice
this type of praise foster is what is
called a fixed mindset I am therefore I
am the problem with this I am mindset is
that it doesn't accommodate any
explanation of failure and it doesn't
allow any opportunity of getting better
with effort you are who you are and
there's just no changing it a fairly
binary and rigid paradigm if you think
about it when you're 4 or 5 or 10 or 13
and you've been told all of your very
short life that you are a particular
thing you tend to cling to doing that
thing well rather than trying new things
you may not be so good at a child praise
for being smart starts to see mistakes
as personal flaws they may even avoid
exploring new subjects or trying new
skills are not good at lest they appear
not smart and that parent is the sound
of phrase blowing up in your face so
what does good praise sound like it
focuses on actions that a child can
control like trying hard work or
perseverance this kind of praise sends
the message that the child can learn
with exploration effort and strategy it
instills what psychologists call a
growth mindset that is a mindset that
allows for change failure can become
success weakness can become strength
confusion can become intelligence
suddenly challenges become exciting
opportunities instead of terrifying
failure traps
and here's the secret your kid loves any
kind of crazy provide so she won't
notice the difference ready to start
instilling some growth mindset here's
how you do it stop focusing on outcomes
or personal traits and instead comment
on the effort strategy creativity or
struggle the child experienced if your
kid doesn't know what behavior or
attitude you're praising then they'll
never be able to do it again tell
stories of hard work commitment
endurance and persistence so she learns
these things are more valuable than luck
or talent
very few people become the best in
anything without years of hard work
dedication and many many failures in
between
you really have to mean what you say
particularly around failure or it kind
of doesn't count
so swallow that disappointment when your
kid comes home with a bad grade help him
pivot into problem-solving mode and
frame it as a challenge to work harder
for the next exam too much of any kind
of praise can make a kid expect it all
the time which kind of defeats the point
so give praise strategically you
probably knew this one was coming are
you modeling a growth mindset in your
own life does your child see you
accepting and learning from your
mistakes does she see you persevering
towards your goal despite obstacles or
do you throw in the towel anytime
someone says you're not the best
prettiest smartest person in the whole
world
congratulations we really like how you
stuck with this video all the way
through that showed perseverance
