So you have your essay draft or an outline.
You're committed to a topic, and now you want to make sure the essay pops.
Stay to the end, you'll receive three editing hacks to improve your essay now.
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There are three editing tips that will completely elevate your writing, adding dimension and
flow, and I'm going to show you those today.
Hi, I'm Dr. Josune with Write Your Acceptance.
As a university faculty member, I teach writing for a living, and I work with students on
their college essays.
I know how to make the admission officers remember you, and now it's your turn.
Tip one, add an image-driven dependent clause, especially when you're telling a story.
So, when you want to punch up the narrative in those moments when you're giving these
short anecdotes, these mini stories, you want to add very heavy image-driven examples.
And so, I have an example myself.
So let's say your sentence is "I was excited to learn about business at my new internship."
So we would add a fragment, a dependent clause right at the beginning, that adds some more
image to the sentence.
For example, "With clammy hands and flushed cheeks, I was nervous yet ready to learn about
finance at my new internship."
So with clammy hands, right, and flushed cheeks, we're seeing attributes of anxiety, nervousness,
And so we're adding that just as a phrase right at the beginning.
A second example.
Let's say this is your line.
"I was standing behind my lemonade stand, selling to anyone passing by."
And so, you want to add a phrase that is image-driven right at the beginning that maybe would age
you, so that we know how old, or what you are looking like in this moment.
So the example would be, "With bouncing pony and my wrinkled school uniform, I stood behind
my lemonade stand and sold to everyone walking by."
So, all of a sudden we have kind of a more youthful look, right from the fragment that
Tip two, start with a gerund.
So, a verb that ends with -ing, to add action to any line.
So, an example.
Let's say this is your line.
"I love to experiment with Southern cuisine and share recipes with my friends and family,"
or something like that.
So you would add, "Adding a pinch of Cajun powder, I love to experiment with Southern
dishes and share my revised gumbo and hot shrimp recipes with friends and family.".
So notice how I added, as if you are cooking in the line, right?
So adding a pinch of whatever ingredient you would use, and then instead of just saying
Southern dishes, I added a couple of examples.
Example number two.
Your line is "I was watching my friends as they were running on the field, and I figured
that I was where I needed to be."
And so you want to add that gerund, right?
A verb that ends in -ing to start the line and add some action.
So, "Watching my friends run on the field, I knew I was where I needed to be."
Really, that was clarifying the image, but then also cleaning up some language, so a
lot less helping verbs, less words, and you carry out the same message.
Are you stuck on an awkward line in your essay?
Comment below, I'd love to help.
So tip three, but kind of related to tip two, reduce the number of helping verbs whenever
So, all your was and were.
"I was walking," "I was running."
Just "I ran," "I walked."
And for the most part, when you're telling a story, you want to stick to past tense in
So, your example.
"I was frustrated because I was teaching pottery to fifth graders, and they were not paying
"Teaching pottery to fifth graders proved more challenging than expected, as their attention
diverted to any distraction available.".
If you want to learn more techniques and tricks on how to improve on a sentence level, or
how to structure your essay, add diversity no matter your background, definitely download
the free essay guide in the description below and you'll have that there.
If you like this video, please give us a like, please share with your college-bound friends.
Comment below any awkward lines, and I'd love to help.
I'll see you soon.