How To Bring A Beginner To The Gym

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why would anyone go through the hassle

I'll bring you the beginning into the

gym hmm I mean why would anyone go

through the hassle of bringing a kid

into the world for the same reason let

me paint you a picture here you're in

your mid-20s College glory days are over

you have a job recruiting people for

other jobs and you've got nothing

interesting left to offer the world so

what do you do huh you pop out a kid and

you post that [ __ ] on Facebook 200 likes

later you somebody again it works the

same way in the gym you can go to the

same gym for a while you old news no one

notices you look cares about your games

so you bring in a beginner it's soft

partially [ __ ] bag of feathers

someone to look up to you some of them

to molded weight into a hot fully

[ __ ] bag of rocks and with that said

here's how to raise a proper Jim Brooke

you're standing around at the gym

waiting for the noob for over half the

guy he's not late I mean you just never

left and then he finally shows up on


now you expected him to have absolutely

zero jim style but you paid for this

Bree please believe it or not roll this

dude shows up in the god this dude shows

up in the deluge over there joke wait

not now ready did it do come see it with

him in actual workout clothes wearing

clothes look you've gotta go do what dad

but he's gonna at least go the extra



[ __ ] that

welcome back you play typically sure

food so my grandma June for the elusive

fails part of life hashtag bow games

okay I'll go and play ha ha buts really

Jane Fonda guess what we're going to gym

we're not going easy speed party that's

the gym right it's got a little bit

fresh now looking fresh off the book but

guess what

pack the next to lunch go change calling

me turn the swag back on go ahead shut

off pull some on now that the old for us

to school it's kind of graduate them

with the debris in bro science

I'm new professor welcome to intro to

pre-workout it's a pass/fail class past

the school fair let nothing come on

piggy down like a gold like a little

baby goat come on free money off you bro

I mean that seems to take Jesus huh see

that we did yeah yeah any more questions

yeah la la absolutely huh means it for


choice and you've been gone tea Oliver D

and now his fight or flight instincts

are gonna kick him and he stupidly been

asked if it's okay to take now has he

changed to flex your knowledge to biceps

and remind him who is teaching the class

and puppies ta on the side [ __ ] love

guys with brains I got two of them right


and got two dicks right here ladies

phone line we're walking in the waiting


be sure to walk at least ten paces ahead

of the beginner you want there to be

zero confusion about who the leader is

you captain doesn't see [ __ ] coach he

flies the goddamn point these pigeons

haven't earned their wings yet

explaining exercise teaching it's not

about showing people what they need to

know it's about showing people how much

you already know but it's breathing an

exercise boo beginner you get to whip

show off your muscles and talk about

them all at the same time looks like

scoring a touchdown while you call the

play-by-play for your own highlight


watch me


even beautiful eyes all the muscles she

was going on you see it that's an orgasm

the choosing wait choosing wait cook

beginner sucks they have no idea how

much Siculus they have no concept of

weight at all it's like how a chick has

no concept of time or faith Oh reality

you're gonna be here five minutes when I

just skipped you your 202nd long snaps

the line microwaving your spongebob easy

Mac for three minutes eat with your head

still on the towel while you cram in the

last 15 minutes of that Gilmore Girls

episode on Netflix and I know I know

that over you just call it's still 12

minutes away I know this because I got

notification to split the fit which by

the way ended up costing me $60 because

you're not right down the hall there 18

miles away in 45 minutes of traffic it

see you in five five different dating

apps because we've done you want to

avoid this brain aneurysm in the gym

just pick the wait for the beginner

don't pick a weight that's appropriate

for the beginner to lift pimple weight

that's appropriate for you to look at

I'm not stacking these forty fives

outside the twenty fives like some

classless troglodyte you're gonna start

with forty fives whether you like it or

not or can do it or not not my problem

but boy all right watching a beginner

try to list for the first time is like

watching a baby whale try to unbeaten

there's a lot of wiggling in oceanic


it's sad pretty sure the British you

understand how a human can get their

body to do something called basic and

distinction he's teaching a beginner

proper form is to shout names of body

parts and technical cues they've never

heard that uncomfortably smack and poke

your muscles and finally jump in and

finish this jet forward to speak louder

than words even though I'm showered

Petsmart they'll compete with you too

much do let's put it down pick it back

up now okay so bad you know


this fall sweet and it's so light

must've passed out woke up flippin don't

even look at when the interacting with

Jim Regulus don't even bother

introducing the beginner don't put a

label on this bro right you're going

this weird you're making this weird but

I got like six other folks they want to

live with me like your latest lame piece

from tinder there's a good chance next

week they're not gonna be here I'm gonna

try to walk 10 feet and elite family

contribute maybe Ashley who spells the

name with a GH and rubs essential oils

on a [ __ ] feet too hard time that's



so weird that you still eat it

okay everyone down for like 90 minutes

not [ __ ] matter you you what you

might ask you know come through them

dollars prenup that right there that's a

gym membership so if you sign up you

know I get like 20 out of credit towards

Lady Cats so go ahead sign up

please subscribe to my YouTube channel

and what's this oh let's see who we're

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of 22 and still playing sports and not a

pro athlete which one of us was playing

fantasy sports huh

what are you gonna go pro are you the

guy from the rookie if you're gonna play

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