7 Ways To Show Affection without Sex!

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hey guys welcome back to courtship and

Beyond and I hope your old gears and I

hope you've had a great week so far so

one question I get asked quite a lot is

how can we show affection towards one

another in our courtship so there's a

lot that has sex since we can't touch

and the hair I like the question it's a

very real question and there was a time

off for oh my gosh that luh show

affection is to be sexually intimate and

that's not acceptable so what do I do

and so today I'm going to be sharing

with you all seven ways in which you can

show affection in a non-sexual way this

can apply to the person that you're

caught in and it complies to your

friends to your family to whoever but

these are several ways that I believe

you can show affection to someone and

make someone feel special without being

sexually in some more sexually involved

in any way okay so the first way is

simply by listening

people love to feel listen to you people

love to know that you're paying

attention to the things like they're

saying so that's the person you're

caught in is speaking like be paying

attention to what they're saying and

take note of the things like they're

saying express an interest in the things

that they're saying if they if they're

talking about something sports related

you know do your research get so many

other things like they're talking about

and while my husband and I were caught

in that Muslims a huge football fan he

supports my United I guess because he

supports money message I said what money

mattered to and did we have any interest

in football but because that's something

that interests him I would like look up

certain scores and like look up certain

players or the names of players that he

would mention and I'll speak to my male

friends on that yeol who's this person

so I come back and impress him and just

show him that actually I didn't listen

to you and I was paying attention to you

and people just loved that so if you can

show that you're listening and

demonstrate that you genuinely care

about what they're saying that

communicates affection that eventually

will ease the intimacy as well so learn

listen number two and study the person

be attentive to the things that they say

to the things that they do be attentive

to their lights into their dislikes and

demonstrate that you know those things

and that you care about those things

again when I was caught or even before

the court and actually while we're still

friends and you always want that for

your friends until marriage but before

anything cause official before there was

any romantic feelings I was on the phone

to him and I thought oh my god I want

you me but I don't know what lecture

I've got next and then he started

telling me what lecture I had it's not

like why did you know my timetable and

he's at old because when you mentioned

it I figured out which things you have

uni in which classes you have and I just

like and then there I feel about that

initiative like oh this is interesting

but it wasn't pervy or weird it was

actually amazing he had been attentive

to the things that I was saying he was

paying attention

he literally studied me so he was able

to help me in that in that time and even

weave a forward in marriage he studies

me he knows my responses to situations

he knows the things that will make you

smile the things that will make me happy

and I'm learning to do the same with him

as well but there's certain things that

I will not do for example my husband

hates it when we're in the living room

and the heat is on and I leave the door

open even if I'm going to go to the

kitchen for that two seconds he will be

like shut the door so now when I get up

to leave the room

I'm very intentional about making sure I

shut the door because I've studied him

and I know the things like that irritate

him and you know and I think when you

study someone again that communicates

affection that shows that actually you

care enough about me to to find out what

my likes and my dislikes are and to try

and please me in that way so you can do

that in your courtship and it

communicates so much and the third thing

you can do is make sacrifices for a

person and I'm not asking to make

foolish sacrifices or sacrifices that

are beyond the commitment level that

you've made

no sacrifices like givin up a football

game to spend time with her or going out

of your way to meet him somewhere even

though it was long for you just expects

presses so much love expresses so much

affection people respond to sacrifice

and ultimately sacrifices the price that

you pay to gain intimacy so making those

small sacrifices for the other person

demonstrates affection and it's in a

non-sexual way if you can learn to

sacrifice for individuals they will

respond and if it's reciprocated you

both you guys are both demonstrating

that level of affection which yeah which

is amazing because I do learn how to

make sacrifices with wisdom and also we

can see that with Christ Christ means

that ultimate sacrifice he laid down his

life and that communicates so much to

all of us because of that you know we

have access to the fire bar so let's

learn to speak the language of sacrifice

and again I will emphasize wire

sacrifices not and sacrifices are

foolish not sacrifices that go beyond

that commitment level but sacrifices

that it communicates I've one of my way

for you because I care about you okay

and number four another way to build to

demonstrate affection and to build

intimacy in a non-sexual way is to be

open with the individual so in as much

as people like to be listened to be open

when you're communicating with them

expressional highlight special thoughts

express your feelings and again express

it with wisdom and the Bible says you do

not cast your pearls before swine and at

the same time you don't want to offload

everything or unload everything onto an

individual and different stages of a

relationship or friendship you know

bring about different levels of openness

but learn to be open led to a special

force and your views and your your

feelings about things

don't be closed don't be a double wall

and interconnection isn't communicated

in that way there's some of always

talking talking talking talk

you're just they're like yeah ok cool

you don't open up a motel it's a bit ok

where they're at you're not really

giving me anything so let's learn to be

open in our communication depending on

the level of commitment that you've been

given and depends on the level of

intimacy that we've built and as I

mentioned before and the level of

intimacy is depending on the sacrifices

that have been made you don't just give

it is something that is demonstrated

through sacrifice over a period of time

so yeah I'd be open with a person

there's nothing worse than someone not

being open and I'm kind of guilty of

this and I'm not naturally the most open

person and I think God for the people

those place around me that have

encouraged me in that and over time I'm

becoming more and more open and I see as

I'm not open the the levels of intimacy

in the relationship have changed in a

good way so let's learn to the open and

number 5 spend time with each other when

you spend time with someone naturally

affection is communicated intimacy is

built up because you're enjoying each

other's company again you're talking

your expression likes and dislikes

you're able to slug each other in that

environment and we see that in our

relationship with God the more time you

spend with God the more you get to know

him the more he speaks and we can hear

him and the more you just feel you're

able to receive his love and spend time

with people is great especially when you

care about the person and it just

communicates so much so spend time with

each other and one-on-one in group

settings spend time together that's a

good way of building and intimacy I

think in I don't know if I mentioned

already but one of the boundaries in

courtship I would advise is to not go on

so many one-to-one one-on-one dates just

because you want to guard your hearts

and stuff but in addition to your

one-on-one make sure you do have group

activities and in those times again you

can still build that intimacy in that

level of affection

so yes spend this time together is

important and number six treat them

surprise them of a gift Surprise them

have been out in surprise them as

something that you've heard them say

they would like and like not in a

manipulative way like don't start

dropping things just because you want to

get something but and yeah just surprise

surely you care that oh I thought about

you today you mentioned this a while ago

and I thought all let me get it we treat

them that communicates affection like

very quickly and and number seven and

we've kind of covered number seven in

all of them but speak their love

language and I'm sure most of you have

heard of Gary Chapman's love languages

and there's five love languages gifts

words of affirmation acts of service

physical touch and quality time and a

parry every single person receives love

and in one of those ways or two of those

ways and find out what they love

languages and communicative speakers to

them and on it regards to touch and

there is a way to touch in a non-sexual

way before marriage things like holding

hands and appropriate hugs but do be

mindful of that because obviously if

you're not married you know it could

lead to other things so be very very

mindful the kind of touch you give in

courting or outside of the marriage

cover covenant but do you learn to speak

their love language that communicates a

lot of affection as well so I hope that

helped somebody and I hope you're able

to find practical ways to express your

affection for the person that you're

courting or to your friends to your

family or whatever but yeah we don't

need to engage in sexual activity to

express affection and communication or

to express affection and and intimacy

it's not needed and if you perfect this

in courtship it will also benefit your

marriage a lot of people think when you

get married okay we're allowed to have

sex now so oh yeah I'm going to be doing

all the time but there will be times

when you want to express communicate and

affection sorry in a non-sexual way so

if you can master these things now it'll

be great in your marriage and yeah I

hope that bless with you guys if you

have any questions or any other specific

topics that you want me to cover please

do put them in the comments box or send

an email and very interested to hear

what you would like and yeah I hope you

guys are blessed take care bye