How to Pretend You're Not High

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hey friend I see you just smoked weed

and you've got to go outside where the

normal people are right now but don't

panic I'm gonna help you hide the fact

that you're high as [ __ ]

first of all take a deep breath and stay


hey hey hey you got a focus buddy you've

got some things to do before you leave

the house oh yeah we're gonna need to do

something about that smell who if you

can't change your clothes no problem

well just for breeze the hell out of

them rub some scented lotion onto your

hands now you smell like roses or

something do you want to hear my

impersonation of you it's this you've

got a real case of cottonmouth a mint or

some chewing gum we'll take care of that

sip on an iced coffee the caffeine will

make you more alert and it will keep