hooray you've gotten the job this means
you'll finally be able to afford that
giant tortoise you've had your eye on
but before you begin looking for the
perfect soup recipe there's only one
problem your new company would like you
to take a drug test and lately you've
been doing more Molly in an Irish
bartender and more cocaine than the 70s
Oscar wit ya never fear
code is here first
shave your head and eyebrows pluck your
eyelashes and nostril and get rid of
every bit of hair on your body this
ensures that they can't perform a
follicle test and means that they will
have to test your urine and beating a
urine test it's easier than beating a
blind monkey in a tennis match sir the
night before your test most importantly
don't do any drugs but do drink plenty
of water and take a few ibuprofen like
Advil or motrin and some b12 the morning
of your test hydrate again with plenty
of water and take two to three aspirin
voila now sit back relax and enjoy the
spoils of victory in this case
soul-crushing desk job but lots of
delicious turtle soup
[Music]
[Applause]