Tips for Handling a Narcissist at Work! | Stephanie Lyn Coaching

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hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me for another video so in this week's

video I wanted to tackle a question that I get often I often get questions

pertaining to narcissus in the workplace so a lot of videos that I do on

narcissism the ones that I do where we can't go no contact with someone we

either are co-parenting with them or their family member or we work with them

a lot of the tips they intertwine with each other so what you could really do

in one situation you can do in another so one of the first things that I always

say is you can't take their behavior personally the reason why I make these

videos is not so we can label people but it's that we can have a general

understanding of just toxic unhealthy behaviors but really these videos are

about managing yourself learning how you can navigate through the world where we

have to come in contact with these types of people from time to time and the

things that you can do to help yourself not only navigate through that

relationship but to help you to not take on their projection the gaslighting the

abuse all of those things so one of the first things that I always say is you

can't take it personally this isn't a personal attack on you and has nothing

to do with you so it might seem that way because a lot of the abuse might be

towards you but it has nothing to do with you and I think for me that was the

biggest like aha moment that I had was when I realized that what this person

was doing it wasn't it wasn't a personal attack at me it had nothing to do with

me and my character and Who I am because no one can determine who you are

or how you view yourself or how you value yourself other than yourself

so even though we can't go no contact with this person one of the things that

I always suggest for people to do is limit your contact so you know limit the

verbal interaction as much as you can so everything is done over email as much as

you possibly can and that is a great tool to have because we want a document

document document we want to document everything that people are saying

and just the interaction in terms of who's doing what in the workload so this

just protects you going forward if you have a real big issue with this person

at work this protects you and this also allows you to not get emotionally

charged by someone so if you're not at the place where you don't take things

personally if you're not at that place where you've created that bubble if

you're not at that place where this person can't get a rise out of you and

that their behavior and that you know how to stand up for yourself in a

healthy way in a professional way and a mature adult way then this is your best

ticket because this will allow you to basically become black and white with

this person so you're only you know answering questions that pertain to the

job and the work you're not taking anything that they're saying personally

you're able to kind of dissect and say okay what are the questions that I

really need to answer you're allowed to get emotionally charged maybe and vent

you know with anyone that will listen to you and then take a step back and answer

the email professionally begin to create those boundaries over email this also

allows you to take credit for what you're doing so when you're only

communicating over email or as much as you possibly can then this will help you

to be able to justify what you did at work versus what someone else did or how

someone else was treating you or what they were saying to you how was the tone

of the email things of that sort you know if you're you know in the office

and you're walking around and this person that's difficult say they come up

to you and they say and they want to talk about this project or they want to

talk about something specific with you you can always say hey can you just

email email me about it so I'm really really busy right now

and if that doesn't work and maybe this person starting to notice a pattern I

would just speak very briefly with them what I mean by that is again we're

talking just business we're not getting emotionally charged we're not talking

about our personal life we're just sticking to the facts and then we're

leaving the meeting or the interaction with this person and remember every

interaction you have with anyone that is narcissistic or toxic are unhealthy this

is your opportunity to just you loving yourself this is your

opportunity to practice you starting to set boundaries and teaching people how

you want to be treated and really this environment is no different than any

other environment so if this was a mother if this was an you know an

ex-spouse that your co-parenting with a family member and uncle a sister it

doesn't really matter because every narcissist you want to come to that

place where you are very professional with them that there's no real emotion

involved it's just business there is no emotion we're not friends

we're not talking about our lives with each other we're getting right down to

the point if they interrupt you in a meeting for example you know this is

your opportunity maybe after the meeting or during it if you feel confident

enough to do it where you don't have any emotion and you can say it very self

lovingly which is there's no past progressive tone there's no anger

there's no negativity it's just basically stating that please you know

going forward can you please not interrupt me when I'm in the middle of

my sentence I find it very disrespectful and if you can say that in a very self

loving way where there's no anger and no emotion involved people don't really

sometimes know how to handle it and even if they can't do it as long as you are

continuously standing up for yourself and maybe even pulling that person you

know aside after the meeting and having that conversation as long as you're not

getting as long as you're not getting emotionally charged and as long as

you're not with what you're saying expecting someone to change and that

you're just doing this to stand up for yourself

you're golden you're absolutely golden because no matter what you say no matter

how many boundaries you said or how much you stick up for yourself you can't

control what this person does and just because you're standing up for yourself

in a loving way doesn't mean that they're gonna listen and say you know

what you're absolutely right I shouldn't interrupt her or I shouldn't interrupt

him they're probably still gonna do it but by you doing these things it shows

that you have self-respect that you love yourself and that you're professional

and that you know how to have confrontation not negative confrontation

but you know how to confront someone is doing something that's either

inappropriate or not okay it's when you don't know how to stand up for yourself

that you allow people to constantly walk all over you and then you're suppressing

those feelings of feeling frustrated and angry because someone did that to you

when you can stand up for yourself in a healthy way you you know first off let

go like I said of any expectation of someone changing which that's really

freeing and that is really helpful in any relation should have not even just

one with with a narcissist it also helps you to learn how to manage your emotions

and this is such a huge thing to do for yourself it is so self loving to learn

how to not only manage your emotions but basically not allow anyone to have a

control over your state so no one has a control over how you feel except for you

I don't care if someone cut you off in the street I don't care if someone's

rude to you in the store I don't care if someone interrupts you in a meeting or

whatever the situation is you get to determine how you feel in every single

moment and no one has that ability to take away your joy and your happiness so

you can say all day long well you know she wronged me or he did this and all of

those things and yes those things are valid they actually did those things and

they were wrong and it wasn't okay that someone flipped you off or it wasn't

okay that you know someone was being passive-aggressive but when you allow

that to change your state and to change your mood that is you basically giving

your power to someone else it doesn't mean that we suppress what we feel and

that what someone did to us it basically means that we feel what we're feeling

okay we're angry that someone did something okay we're upset that you know

Suzy interrupted us in a meeting and she does it all the time and I've asked her

time and time again to please stop and she won't of course that's gonna build

frustration you're a human being with feelings and you're going to feel

frustrated or angry or pissed off or whatever but at some point you have to

make decision but do I want to stay in that space and by you staying in that

space it's allowing that person to have control

for you and for me that was kind of a game changer I no longer you know

allowed anyone to have an effect on my mood this is that was me taking control

of my life taking responsibility for my happiness

now one of the biggest things that I get from not just people that have to deal

with the narcissus in the workplace or someone that's difficult but anyone that

has to deal with a narcissist so if it's a mother if it's a sister if it's a

co-worker someone that you're co-parenting with whatever someone that

you can't avoid they always say well you know I stood up for myself and then I

got backlash or I started for myself and this person got even angry and now

they're you know giving me so much more work than they did before

and they're hurting me now more than they ever did before um there's a few

things and again every situation is different so now I'm gonna pertain just

to the workplace it gets to a certain point where you have to determine is

this job worth having so if your boss is someone who's narcissistic and there's

really you can't really go no contact or limited contact with this person because

you have to work with them very very closely you have to determine is this

job worth having so and that's probably not the advice that maybe you guys want

to hear but again there are certain situations where these people are

completely unavoidable co-parenting that's completely unavoidable especially

depending on the age of the child to be honest even a family member I don't

think that that's a non-negotiable excuse-me non-negotiable you don't have

to talk to your mother you don't have to talk to your father

you can have no relationship with this person even if you have to see them from

time to time and a family function you can be cordial with someone but not have

a relationship with someone a work environment you don't have to have that

job yeah it's a great paying job yeah you've been there for years yeah you put

in a lot of time and effort into this in this career that you're building within

this company but no one says that you're stuck where you are you get to determine

where you go next so sometimes I feel like we are put in situations that are

really tough because number one it gives us an opportunity to kind of rise to the

occasion learn how to stand up for ourselves learn how to love ourselves

and set those boundaries to not fear confrontation which a lot of people do

they fear standing up for them selves because they don't have that love

within themselves to be able to say to others hey you can't treat me this way

and if you do this is what happens you know the boundaries setting boundaries

and and following through with your boundary and setting a consequence

that's really difficult for some people so sometimes we're putting these

situations to learn how to do that for ourselves and the other time we're

putting these situations personally I feel like is because we should no longer

be in this job this is your opportunity you know you're being pushed and pushed

to basically leave and to rise up and to get a better job and be in a better

environment we spend so much time at our jobs doing these things sometimes even

more than we even spend with our own families and loved ones that you should

be happy when you're at work you should love what you do you know just like you

you know your home environment that should be a loving environment there's

no other place in the world like your home and you should feel the most at

peace the most comfortable the most loving within your home and personally

in my opinion I feel like you should feel the same way at your job because

it's what you do every single day all day long and if you don't love what you

do and if you don't love where you're working that affects you that affects a

good part of your life so if you're working for someone who's extremely

difficult that plays this game that's a narcissistic that you know takes credit

for the work that you do that maybe doesn't appreciate and value you as an

employee you are just like in any relationship even a romantic one you're

choosing to stay in that environment so if you want a great job a great

environment you want to work with hell you know great people that light you up

inside and you guys motivate each other and you just love going to work every

single day you determine that you determine if you're in that environment

you determine if you have that job no one else has that control over you so I

hope that this has helped you guys you know not only understand I didn't want

to make this video and give you all of these oh you know these are the signs of

someone who's narcissistic in the workplace and we all know who a

narcissist is and even if you don't just someone who's

just toxic and unhealthy and someone that you don't want to work with someone

that's extremely extremely difficult you know who that person has all day long

you guys message me with all of these traits of this person so you know that

this person is toxic unhealthy maybe even narcissistic what I wanted to do in

this video was to give you some insight on how to manage yourself in these

environments and I hope that I did in this video if you guys like this video

please give it a thumbs up share it with anyone that you think might benefit from

this information thank you guys so much for all of your love and support if you

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