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How to Pass a Drug Test (After You've Done a Lot of Drugs) - Vanity Code



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hooray you've gotten the job this means

you'll finally be able to afford that

giant tortoise you've had your eye on

but before you begin looking for the

perfect soup recipe there's only one

problem your new company would like you

to take a drug test and lately you've

been doing more Molly in an Irish

bartender and more cocaine than the 70s

Oscar wit ya never fear

code is here first

shave your head and eyebrows pluck your

eyelashes and nostril and get rid of

every bit of hair on your body this

ensures that they can't perform a

follicle test and means that they will

have to test your urine and beating a

urine test it's easier than beating a

blind monkey in a tennis match sir the

night before your test most importantly

don't do any drugs but do drink plenty

of water and take a few ibuprofen like

Advil or motrin and some b12 the morning

of your test hydrate again with plenty

of water and take two to three aspirin

voila now sit back relax and enjoy the

spoils of victory in this case

soul-crushing desk job but lots of

delicious turtle soup

[Music]

[Applause]