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How to Get Someone to Forgive You



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everybody I'm mark from apply God's Word

calm a place where we apply the Bible

it's a real life and one of the most

popular articles on my website is how to

get someone to forgive you the comments

on that blog post are some of the most

raw and emotional because people read it

when they're in a really hard situation

where they're powerless to get someone

to forgive them that they've offended it

really is one of the most powerless

feelings to love somebody that you hurt

and then not forgive you so what can be

done I do believe the Bible gives us

some actionable steps that we can take

and the first thing I would say if you

want to get someone to forgive you it's

first off you have to realize you can't

make them forgive you

it's it's it's their choice so the first

point is ask to be forgiven and don't

force that person to forgive you again

because you can't do it for example in

Matthew 6 and in Matthew 18 when Jesus

is talking about forgiveness it's

interesting to me that he speaks to the

person who was offended to go and seek

forgiveness and reconciliation from the

person that did the offending now when I

first read those verses I was like hey

doesn't it seem like the person who was

who did the wrong should be the one

Jesus is focusing on here I think Jesus

focus focuses on the person who was

offended because ultimately it's their

choice to forgive yes does the other

person have a part to play in the

reconciliation process of course but it

no one can force it if you ask for

forgiveness you have to leave it in the

hands of that person that you offended

to actually choose to forgive you and

oftentimes when we try to force it it

actually makes it worse when you demand

forgiveness it hardens that person's

heart even more and they don't want to

forgive you so point one is ask don't

demand point two is genuinely

repent sometimes it's hard to forgive

somebody because it doesn't feel like

they're genuinely sorry they just

maybe feel like they're sad that they

got caught or they just want everything

to be okay and brush it under the rug

real quick but they don't really want to

change their behavior in the future it

makes it difficult for the person that

was offended to forgive when it doesn't

feel like genuine repentance is taking

place and I say repentance for a reason

and not just feeling sorry

repentance is when you turn the other

direction and you actually change your

behavior so when you tell someone I'm

sorry

sometimes they're gonna struggle to

forgive you if they don't feel like

you're also repenting so again lip

service doesn't motivate the heart like

seeing someone who is truly broken over

their sin genuinely sorry about it but

also willing to change their behavior so

point two if you want to help someone

forgive you because again you can't

force it if you want to foster that

environment for forgiveness you have to

actually change your life and change the

behavior that actually hurt that person

0.3 if you want to help somebody forgive

you you have to be ready to receive a

biblical rebuke from that person for

example in Luke 17 verses 3 through 4

Jesus says this pay attention to

yourselves if your brother sins rebuke

him and if he repents forgive him and if

he sins against you seven times in the

day and turns to you seven times saying

I repent you must forgive him so I think

there's a few things in that passage

that are really helpful for this

conversation

first off Jesus says focus on yourself

again you can only control you you can't

make that other person forgive you so

that's point 1 we're looking at

ourselves the second thing about that

verse is that Jesus says if your brother

sins rebuke him so a lot of times we

want somebody to forgive us but we don't

want to hear that we were actually wrong

we don't want to hear what they have to

say about our behavior we don't like to

think about how we hurt them or them you

know basically biblically rebuked us a

lot of times someone will refuse to

forgive you because every time you talk

you start arguing and you get defensive

so if you want to help somebody forgive

you you have to prepare yourself to

receive

biblical rebuke it's actually their

right to rebuke you in a loving way it's

not their right to shame you be rude to

you or endlessly judge you or judge your

motives that's not their right but it is

their right when you've offended them

and sinned against them it's their right

to tell you what you did wrong how you

can improve and biblically rebuke you

now

it's also your right to receive

forgiveness so it goes both ways we need

to allow them the freedom to rebuke us

but then we also can expect the freedom

to be forgiven point 4 is allow that

person to be angry so maybe they do

forgive you but the relationship isn't

instantly restored to what it was so

it's helpful to remember that

forgiveness and reconciliation are two

different things they're connected but

they are different

forgiveness is where you stop punishing

that person for what they did and you

you know release them of the punishment

God forgives us by you know putting the

punishment on Jesus Christ

reconciliation is something additional

reconciliation is where the relationship

is restored to what it was before the

offense occurred so that takes time and

sometimes it's not even possible

the Bible doesn't command to always be

reconciled it commands to be reconciled

when possible it commands forgiveness so

God's not asking you know an abusive

person to be totally reconciled with the

abused person and putting themselves in

danger all over again

that's reconciliation forgiveness is

wiping the slate clean for what happened

so again we need to allow the person who

was hurt by our actions the freedom to

be angry for a period of time than to

allow reconciliation to occur over an

extended period of time and not in an

instant relationships just don't work

like that

the last quick point I'll say about this

is that in Ephesians 4:26 it says this

be angry and do not sin do not let the

Sun go down on your anger and give no

opportunity to the devil so in defense

of that person who is offended and angry

about being sinned again

there's a there's a period in the

grieving and healing process where anger

is appropriate it says in Ephesians 4:26

be angry and do not sin so there is a

type of righteous anger that isn't

always wrong the fifth and final point

is definitely the most important the

last thing you can do to help someone

forgive you is to pray for them again we

are completely powerless to change the

hearts and feelings and actions of

another person though the heart is out

of our control when it comes to other

people only the Holy Spirit can affect

the heart of another person so it says

in Romans 8:26 through 27 likewise the

spirit helps us in our weakness for we

do not know what to pray for as we ought

but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us

with groanings too deep for words and he

who searches hearts knows what is in the

mind of the Spirit because the spirit

intercedes for the saints according to

the will of God so if someone's mad at

you that you love that you're so

heartbroken over hurting and they just

are struggling to forgive you

you might not even know what to pray but

pray anyway and also pray in alignment

with the Holy Spirit because the Holy

Spirit can intercede for us with groans

that words can't even express and what

that means is the Holy Spirit can speak

that language to that heart that it's

not even really about the audible words

or understanding it's about deep inner

healing that needs to take place and

again that's all under God's control not

ours so you really really need to pray

for that person who's struggling to

forgive you well I'm mark from apply

God's Word calm these were just five

points on how to get somebody to forgive

you I've written more about this on my

blog so I'll leave a link in the

description of this video

for more details on that I have a bunch

of free ebooks blogs videos and all

types of different resources at the

website and apply God's Word calm so I

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that does it

god bless

you

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