How To Tell if Someone is Gay (WITHOUT ASKING)

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hey humans i'm brianne williamson

welcome back to another episode of i

heard she's a lesbian

today we're going to be talking about

how to tell if someone's gay without

asking them


all right so it's been a minute um

yeah there's a reason it's been a minute

um i have not wanted to take up a lot of

space on the internet there are far more

important things going on

i'm gonna continue to link a bunch of

petitions for the black lives matter

movement down in the description

i really think that it is important that

we all donate what we can

sign those petitions and keep fighting

for equality and the rights of black

folks and people of color because um

it is a [ __ ] show out there right now

and it's not over so keep doing what you


i haven't uploaded on youtube in a while

i've been pretty busy over on tick tock

embarrassing myself if you're into

cringy content and the government's

stealing your information

make sure to go follow me over there

um but now i'm hoping to get back to

more regular scheduling on my youtube


that's partly because i miss it here and

partly because

i am finally going to

hire some folks to edit my videos i


all of you humans out there have dealt

with the

terrible terrible quality on here long


uh the folks over at queerbase media are

gonna help me out

um i think for a lot of years

i put off hiring someone to edit because

i felt like

to be a real youtuber

i had to do it all myself um

we've seen how that's been going for me

not great

so i thought you know what um

i'll stick to what i'm good at or okay

at which is rambling on and hopefully

providing some sort of value and i'll

let the people that know how to use

more programs than imovie do what they


that said i'm not giving them a lot to

work with because

i am recording this on my iphone and

the mic that i'm using is closer to my

vagina than it is my mouth

so good luck to them we'll see what they

can do with this

this isn't alcohol not yet anyways

on this episode of i heard she's a

lesbian we are talking about

how to find out if someone is gay

without directly asking them

as always this topic can relate to so


gender and sexuality identities however

i am going to be talking

about it from the perspective of a

lesbian because that's how i identify

um but definitely keep in mind that no

matter who you are

hopefully you can get some value from

what i provide

today if you like this series i heard

she's a lesbian you like the advice kind

of lgbtq plus stuff

make sure to also check out my podcast

what's it called make sure to also check

out my podcast i can explain podcasts

you can find it on

itunes apple podcast basically anywhere

that you can listen to podcasts it will

be there

for your listening pleasure we just hit

90 episodes

and we cover everything from coming out

to lgbtq plus sex

all sorts of fun stuff so make sure to

go check that out so i usually get these

topic ideas from

all of you sliding into my dms over on

instagram and asking me for advice

and a shocking amount of you

want to know how to figure out if

someone is gay

without directly asking them in fact a

lot of you want to know

how to find out if someone's gay without


breathing near them talking to them

communicating in any way

making eye contact and there's only so

much i can do so i can't promise all of


but i do have some helpful tips where

you don't have to directly say

hey are you gay this is super relatable

for me because when i was

younger and not as comfortable with my


i was very very uncomfortable

talking about my own sexuality and

whether i might be gay

and it would have been impossible for me

to communicate in any way

to another individual and try and figure

out if she was gay as well

um i had enough barriers around my own

sexuality that trying to figure out if

someone else was gay

like ah nightmare um then i got

really comfortable with my sexuality and

i went

the complete opposite direction in fact

about a year ago i had someone slide

into my dms

um and they had met me years years years


when i was like a baby gay out at one of

my first gay bars

and i was like feeling myself all

comfortable in my sexuality

feeling super safe in this gay bar and

they said hi to me and i was like hey

are you gay like what

who says that i did um

i'm not suggesting that uh awkward and

they actually let me know when they slid

into my dms that i was the first person

that they ever came out to

because i just so bluntly asked and then

they were like actually yeah

and that was the first time they ever

told anyone not recommending

that you do that i'm just saying today

we're gonna try and find

somewhere in between the two in between

not being able to communicate

about sexuality at all and actually


awkwardly asking someone if they're gay

i've found that a lot of people when

making these sort of

figure out if other people are gay

videos focus a lot on the physical

honestly i think that's [ __ ] i don't

really think that there's any way

to tell if someone is queer by the way

that they look

i mean there's certain people that fit

those stereotypes

but it's not to say that the people that

don't um

aren't queer so these are some tips that

are gonna work

regardless of how someone is presenting

on the outside an example of why that's


is i had the biggest crush in university

on this girl in my class i wasn't

out to a lot of people yet only some

close friends and i definitely was not


um coming out to a stranger or like

someone in a class that i was working on

a group project with

um so i definitely wasn't feeling brave


to come out to her or ask her

in any way about her own sexuality um

so i was definitely reading the exterior

signs if you will and like every day

she wore like skater clothes

or like adidas track pants with like a

baggy tee

she was always in athletic wear um

her like part-time job out of school

was being a stunt double and she was

always training in these like

crazy stunts and telling me about them

and i was like okay

super gay i mean like

my gaydar was just going off

okay i was very excited i thought that

she was going to marry me

in approximately two weeks after i

got the nerve to tell her that i was

also gay

unfortunately that never happened and

turns out

i still have this girl on facebook and

awkward she's now like a very much

homophobic and

um very outspoken about how she feels

about certain gay rights and she has

like a husband

and kids so i guess i was wrong about

her being gay

or maybe i wasn't that's just summing up

that you can never really tell

um from the exterior

um jenna if you're watching this hit me

up just kidding

oh god so these are three ways

that you can hopefully get some


to either find out this person's

sexuality or at least feel safe enough

that you can share your own tip number

one if you have their social media

go look and see who they are following

this doesn't always work with

major celebrities like if they're


a super famous lgbtq plus person

you know maybe they just like the movies

they're in if they're following the

queer eye guys like forget about it

but if they are following some more

niche queer individuals like youtubers

tick talkers instagram

lesbians i mean

why are they following them why do they

even know about them

if they're not in some way

gay you know so that is my first tip

check out who they're following on

social media i feel like it gives you a

fairly good idea that said it's not

going to tell you for sure because i

also know

a lot of my lgbtq plus friends that

are not interested in social media they

have no idea about the online

world of internet gays so it's not

really gonna help you there

but if they are following them i think

that's a pretty good clue

another benefit of that tip is you don't

actually have to be talking to them

to check that out tip number two you do

have to be communicating with them

in some way so this is going to be

beneficial if you have a crush on a

friend or someone in your class

or maybe you're chatting with someone

online but it's not obvious if they're

lgbtq plus

this tip is to start asking them


about what they like

and hopefully if they are kind of like

picking up on what you're putting down

they're gonna answer in a way that

helps them feel safe too it kind of

tests the waters and what i mean by this


if you ask someone what their favorite

tv show is

and they answer with a really queer tv


either they just really i guess like the

gays like queer

eye or maybe they're trying to let you

know something

you know what i mean uh you can go a

step further by

asking who's your favorite character on

that tv show and if they say the lesbian

you're in this also works with asking

them about their favorite artists

uh what are their favorite concerts

they've been to

uh if they could see any concert like

their dream concert who would it be

uh what are some of their favorite

movies if they're not giving you a lot

back you can test the waters by letting

them know

that your favorite movies tv shows or

artists are queer

so even if your favorite movie is super

straight and heteronormative lie

just lie tell them that you love

the gayest movie you can think of

because that is going to test that safe

space you know depending on how they


you might get a better idea if they

themselves are queer or at least

if it's a comfortable environment for

you to express yourself

my third tip is the bravest one of them

all so we're kind of just escalating


and that is to share yourself because

when you provide someone

a safe space by sharing who you are

they are probably going to feel more


sharing who they are in return if

they're ready for that

this can be straight up sharing your

sexuality if

that comes up in conversation or you can

do it in more sly ways

like bringing up an ex but letting them

know their gender so for example

if i was talking to a girl and i was

flirting with her

um maybe i would bring up oh yeah

me and my ex-girlfriend went there one


um not ideal to bring up the actual

first date

but it does do the trick of letting that

person know

that you did have an ex-girlfriend and

i'm a girl

so they can put two and two together and

then maybe they feel safe

sharing back um this also helps in

finding out if they are

either not lgbtq plus or if

they are definitely not ready to share

that because if you let them know about

a past

girlfriend um or bring up a

gender specific experience that kind of

tells them that you are in fact

queer and they respond with something

along the lines of

oh amazing i have a gay friend or

the classic oh my cousin's gay basically

the heterosexual way of telling you that

they're not homophobic

or trying to um then they're probably

not gay or at least they're not

comfortable in sharing that or

they're not there yet um but at least

then you know they're a safe space which

is cool too

all right humans that's it for this

episode of i heard she's a lesbian

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