Family asking for money

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mic starts off this hour in Indianapolis

hey Mike Heidi thanks for taking my call

sure man what's up I'm trying to cobble

I've got a complicated question I'll try

to make it as short as I can my wife and

I have a Tony old friend that she met

through Big Brothers Big Sisters and

several years ago and the 20 year old

now has a one-year-old daughter and she

just asked us for $35 of diapers which

we gave her and we thought that was a

loan and then a couple weeks later she

asked us for $55 to give rental facility

because she has to move out of her


she's also posted pictures of vodka and

cigarettes on her Facebook page so she's

not making the right choices with her

money but she helped and my wife and I

don't know what to do okay well my rule

is real simple if someone is bold enough

to ask me for my money I'm bold enough

to attach requirements with the money

that are for their own good

and you know what's weird one of two

things will happen they will welcome the

help or they'll get mad that you're

interfering in their business and so my

help in this situation sounds like this

I mean I don't want to make her any

loans I do want to give her some money

this is a girl that didn't have a strong

upbringing she's struggling she's

already made a whole series of bad

choices is what you're describing to me

right right and so we've got to get her

on a path where she's making has better

thinking and therefore better choices

and how are we going to do that well you

know this is a whole lot more than just

am I going to give some by 35 bucks for

diapers the answer that's easy yes but

I'm going to do it in the form of a

grocery store gift card which most of

those do not allow alcohol and cigarette

purchases most of them limit them to

other types purchases or I'll go buy the

diapers and take them to them one of the

two that so that's a simple thing but

what's your what you're more than

anything pointing out is there's you've

realized that you're gay

being a drunk a drink meaning she's

gonna always have money problems until

she cracks some of these uh you know

some of these bad her bad thinking

that's leading the bad choices is that


okay and so what I would do is say hey

I'm going to do better than that what

I'm going to do is I'm going to help you

lay out your budget we're going to pay

for you to go through Financial Peace

University and you have to go to the

class and and then we're going to walk

with you and as we look at your budget

with you and see what you're spending

the money on as long as you stick to

what we are what we're telling you you

need to do for your own good then we'll

try to help you out occasionally with

stuff with a gift okay and and you know

that's assuming that's assuming you can

financially help somebody with a gift

but I mean fifty or a hundred bucks is a

big deal in this kid's life right but

giving it to her without any kind of

requirement that she think better and

that she live better is enabling it's

not helping but she was like two hours

away how do you verify what she's

feeling okay I didn't know that part I

thought I thought you said she was Big

Brother Big Sister so I figured she was

in your neighborhood but well I mean you

see how she asking by email by text my

tax actually okay all right well I mean

let's set her up with financial let's

set her up with Financial Peace

University and getting and then ask her

when she goes to class who the

coordinator is and that the coordinator

can coach her and can stay in contact

with you okay and verify and hold her

accountable and verify the good to see

the good thinking in the good decisions

something like that but I mean that it's

just a question it let me just tell you

helping people really helping them is a

lot more work than just throwing money

at them which actually doesn't help them

write it cuz you have to get it down in

their mess with them and walk with them

out of the mess and the mess is their

stinking thinking a zig Zigler you

say yeah and so yeah you just set up a

thing where somehow your your money is

influencing her life to be better not

just throwing money at because her

problem if she's got vodka and

cigarettes sitting there her problem is

not lack of money for diapers or

problems mismanagement and it might be

money but if you choose vodka and

cigarettes over your kids diapers that

means you need to be smacked silly

repeatedly you know I mean it's just

dumb who does that people do it every

day they do it every day that's who does

that and so you you know your job your

wife took this girl on as a mentor or if

you're not going to do that I'd suggest

you just cut her loose just cut her

loose no I'm not I help you cuz I'm not

gonna throw money at this situation if

you're not gonna do this stuff and you

could you could even say if she's got

some debt she's got some things okay

every time you pay off this much we'll

put some weather to help you pay it off

you can do matching you match towards

savings you could set up a $25 a month

thing that you're the custodian of for a

kid to go to college I mean you can do

all kinds of stuff that doesn't take a

lot of money but that is a lot of money

in her world and allows you to have

influence with her to force her to

change her thought patterns and her

habits and her behaviors but again

that's a lot of work I mean that's

loving somebody well and it's always

more work to love them oil