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How to know if you're making the right decision | MEL ROBBINS



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- Do you make decisions with your heart

or do you make decisions with your head

and how the hell do you know?

(upbeat music)

So this next question from Emily

is a really, really great one

for those of you that are struggling with making a decision

and it's a question about

how do you know when you're listening to your heart

or you're listening to your head?

How do you know, what fear is real in other words

and so she writes, "I totally get how it is so important

"to listen to your inner wisdom

"and stop the inner chatter of self-doubt,

"but what happens, Mel, when the internal war

"is between what your heart feels

"and what your brain thinks"

and your inner wisdom is telling you?

And so this is a question

about do you make decisions with your heart

or do you make decisions with your head

and how the hell do you know?

How do you know?

In fact, I was just talking with my creative director

and she was sharing with me that a friend of hers

is going through this terrible thing right now.

It's not terrible, it's just what happens in life

where she knows that the relationship

that she's in isn't right.

They get along really well, things are really easy

but in her heart, she knows it just isn't right.

Those are the kinds of decisions

that are really difficult to make

and so it gets to the heart of Emily's question

which is how do I know whether to make a decision

with my head or a decision with my heart?

I'm the kind of person that believes

you should always make decisions with your heart and soul.

You can use your brain for math.

You can use your brain to look at

the fine print in a contract

but when it comes to the actual feel of the decision,

you always wanna go inward

and check it against your heart and soul.

How do you do that?

Here's the simple test.

Does the decision that you're about to make

expand you, expand your future

or expand the possibilities of your life?

If the answer is yes then the decision is yes

no matter how terrifying it is.

If you conversely look at the choice that you have to make

and the decision will shrink you,

will silence you, will inhibit you in some way

then the answer is no.

No matter how easy the decision is,

no matter how safe the decision is,

the answer is no.

Now, one of the things I wanna point out

that when you start to use this,

does it expand or does it shrink me,

does it open possibilities or does it keep things closed,

does it raise my voice or does it silence me, right,

is that there's always a short-term

and a long-term impact to the decision.

The short-term impact to making an expansive decision,

a decision that's based in your heart and your soul,

sometimes it's terrifying because sometimes it means moving

or it means changing a job or changing a relationship

or having a difficult conversation or starting something new

and those sorts of things are always uncomfortable.

So brace for impact, put the force fields up

but make the decision anyway

because the long-term impact

of making a decision from your heart and soul,

that is where the best life comes from

because you're living for what's true for you,

not what's safe in the moment.

I hope that helps and let me know how you use this

expanse versus shrink scale

in order to make decisions that you're facing right now

and don't forget, submit your questions

to us by using the hashtag AskMel.

(upbeat music)