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Ask Shallon: When You Like a Boy You've Never Talked To | Dating Advice



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here's how quite a few emails uh began

lately you're shelling a love you're so

fabulous I love your hair no one says

that because I mean right even my

stylist was like this is such a basic

hairdo I was like thanks scurry oh

dear Shaolin I like this guy for so long

he's so cool whatever we've never talked

really like I haven't really talked to

him but I just like him so much I really

want to start like talking to him you

know what i'ma say how can you like

someone you've never talked to I'm gonna

give you all some tough love right now

and I don't want you to think this is me

judging you or invalidating your

feelings or saying that you don't have

these feelings because I know that you

do and I'm never gonna be that person

who's they here teeny Yin Inlet yeah I

was in love for the first time when I

was five and kill yourself if you tell

me otherwise

so I too was like this when I was

younger I said this in other videos that

I think this warranted its own I would

like literally go down the attendance

line and just one by one like every

single boy in my class it didn't matter

how ugly he was it didn't matter how

long cool he was eventually I got around

to him why because I was so bursting

with the desire to live to like live for

myself just experience life I had all

this like passion and emotion and things

just like tumbling around inside me that

like I had no outlet for I had to do

whatever my parents are my teachers or

my babysitter said always and your life

is like that too and like it's so

confining like animals have more freedom

of movement than you do I get it the one

thing you have control over is who you

like no one can stop you for that and

for me that's where I channeled all of

my passion all of my lust for life is

into these crushes never once did I ask

myself what do I even like about this

guy name for traits that he has they

personally

experienced that I like I couldn't do it

I had no idea because I had no idea what

these people were all I saw in them not

even consciously it was like an outlet

for my feelings and looking back if I

had hoard all that passion into

something that truly enriched me that

gave back to me I would have been so

much happier if I had put it into sports

gymnastics are learning a language or

volunteering or this or that like

anything something else that truly fed

my soul I wouldn't have been so focused

on these crushes the weren't getting

they've been working anything back to me

like worst case scenario they told me

they didn't like me which believe me

happen but best case scenario let's

think about that for a minute someone

you don't even know really that you like

come she was like hey I really like you

I want to be boyfriend and girlfriend

thank you like suddenly things would get

very real and weird I was like a dog

chasing a car what would I do if I

actually caught it I had no idea I'd no

plan and I'm telling you guys this

because I want you to look at these

crushes you have on people who you don't

know who you don't talk to and think

what's really behind this is it the

person that I'm into maybe not since you

kind of know know the person or is it

the possibilities the person or the

possibilities this is a question I've

asked myself throughout the course of my

life is it the person I like is it the

person that I'm mourning after this

break or is it the possibilities do I

look at this crush and I see every

romantic fantasy that I have I see every

kind of passionate embrace I see an

escape from the boredom of my life I see

an outlet for my feelings I see someone

who understands me

who's going to validate my feelings

who's going to tell me that I'm okay

that's going to tell me that I'm

beautiful that I'm loved that I'm worthy

what is it you hope to get out of this

and the way you can figure this out is

imagine it imagine

you and this guy you don't really talk

to don't forget that are boyfriend and

girlfriend what is that relationship

look like and not more importantly what

does it feel like what feelings do you

have do you feel safe do you feel

comforted do you feel understood do you

feel stimulated do you feel calm think

about that and then take that say that

you feel calm find out think to yourself

like how can I get that that feeling in

my life without this guy should I just

start taking yoga can that make me calm

should I go to church more will that

make me calm can I hang out with my

grandmother more will that week they

call and I'm telling you this not

because I don't want you guys to have

crushes they're the greatest thing in

the world they are what little grudges I

didn't have a boyfriend that I live with

I still have precious on people you

can't hear me kami but I do because it

like it's fun and it's stimulating it

makes life worth living for me I need

that stimulation that's what I get and

by and large I get stimulation from my

life like I'm a socialite living in New

York City it's very stimulating but

sometimes like you just have to be like

yay Brody Jenner Brody Jenner why don't

you even say that ma'am do you get what

I mean

so again I'm not telling you this so

that you don't have crushes but so that

you take that intensity out of it and

instead of telling yourself I've liked

this guy I like him so much reframe that

tell yourself this person has piqued my

curiosity there's things about him that

I think I would like but I want to know

more I'm curious I'm interested because

that is how guys view us guys don't look

at a girl they've never talked to him in

like oh like is the mud like I liked it

so many years like that happens in like

weird 80s romantic comedy it's like that

doesn't happen in real life those movies

actually written by women so look at

that and reframe it because if you

reframe it and you're like yeah he's

interesting what's you know I'm

interested to getting to know him you'll

you'll chill out and that's attractive a

guy knows when you like him a guy is

going to look at a girl who clearly

likes him

he's never spoken to me like it's kind

of weird like what's going on there but

he's like oh she seems interested and I

think she's interesting

that's better look at what this crushes

- you figure out what feelings he

stimulates inside you figure out how you

can get those feelings from other

aspects of your life that don't involve

boy because that will make you whole if

you can learn to do this when you're

young the amount of pain you're going to

save yourself is immeasurable people get

into marriages because they think oh

this person has the thing that I need no

one has a thing that you need you have

the thing that you need and it is up to

you to go out and find that thing that

you need because you can't be half of a

whole you can't be one-half of a

partnership and a couple and a romance

if you don't know what half you are