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Because if you want what some people consider

a high value man or a man who's very accomplished,

he's more likely to put more value

on your feminine energy.

So, now he pulls away

not because he did not like you

or wasn't serious about you,

but he didn't feel like you were serious about him.

You've already said it to him,

you've already shouted it from the rooftops

and he still has changed nothing

why are you still there?

And when you do, you will get what's best for you

and you will have healthier relationships

and greater success in that area.

Now, I’m not going to lie to you ladies

these types of videos

I feel some kind of way about, all right.

And I’ll explain more in detail

why but I’ll say from the jump

I feel some kind of way about it because

a lot of videos like this

tend to try to teach you guys

tricks and games to play

to pick a man's interest.

And that can become very problematic because

now in playing this game

a lot of times you end up playing yourself.

As well as you're trying to

get a man that you want but you don't need

and it's not truly best for you.

And so, I really want you to be mindful of that

in regards to like,

is this dude really, this man really

best for you? Is this really what you need?

Is this really going to work in the long term?

Because jumping through all these

hoops and doing all these different things

to make him want you

could end up with you becoming

more hurt and damaged, all right.

But I do want to give you

first some tips that

can increase your desirability to a man,

can draw his attention more

in a healthy way.

Again, because I don't like the

whole playing games and tricks,

but I do think there's

things that we can tap into as individuals

that help us achieve the results

that we're looking for, all right.

So, let me give you some quick ones

and then I got a very important

message I need you to hear at the end.

So, tip number one

find your confidence, all right.

The reality is that confidence looks good on everybody

confidence is sexy, all right.

And when you are a confident woman

you're going to stand out more.

You're going to be able to catch his interest more

because essentially a confident woman

even a confident person,

but specifically in this video,

we're talking about you as a woman.

A confident woman

conveys an understanding of her value to the man.

When you're confident it's like,

I know I’m good stuff.

I know what I bring to the table

and it makes a man say well, damn,

if she's that confident I want a piece of that.

I want to know what's all this good stuff she got

and I’m not talking about just sex,

I’m like overall you as a woman, all right.

So, and it's the same thing again

when you see a confident man

it makes you feel like, well, damn, what has he got

I might want some of that too, you know.

That's a very natural occurrence

when someone exudes confidence.

So, as a woman,

you've got to find your confidence

because if you are very insecure around this man,

if you don't feel good

about yourself, if you're not confident

that is usually going to backfire on you,

that's usually going to work against you.

And so, if you are lacking in confidence

locate the areas that hinder it

figure out okay what can I improve

that helps me feel more confident

it might be finding the style that works with you.

When I say style, your style of clothes

because again,

certain people can put on a certain outfit

and it doesn't feel good

like you don't like the way you look in it.

And if you don't like the way you look

you won't be confident.

And you can put a different style of outfit

and the style is up to you and what

works for you everyone's different.

But when you find that style that speaks to you

and that you feel good in

now you're going to exude that confident energy.

So, be confident

find your confidence be confident.

Number two, exude that positive

and feminine energy, all right.

Now, I’m not going to lie to you

I’m going to lean more towards positivity

in this one simply because

depending on the man you want.

And again, like I said you need to be really mindful of

who you think you want and if they're really best for you.

But depending on the man you want

femininity may or may not be as high of a priority

because if you want what some people

consider a high value man or a man who's

very accomplished he's more

likely to put more value on your feminine energy.

If let's say you're young

this guy is in high school

he may not even understand the whole feminine thing.

Even though I would still argue it still helps

in most cases

it's possible some guys want a tough girl, you know.

And I wouldn't want you to try to be

acting hard and tough that's not who you are,

but and in most cases that's not who you are,

but we'll explain that in a whole different video.

But the point is that

it can vary depending on the type of guy that

you want and where you are in your life.

So, with that said though

positive energy tends to still be

across the board a desirable thing

that at least catches a man's attention

and draws a man to you.

I will say that positivity and femininity

is more likely to draw you a healthy man, all right.

But again, that aside positive energy

so, you have to find that within yourself

find that happiness find that joy

because again, who wants to be around a miserable person?

Who wants to be around a negative energy?

That's not what the typical person desires

hell, a woman doesn't want all that negativity

around her either why will a man?

So, as a woman

tapping into that positivity is definitely going to

make you more desirable and make him want you.

Number three,

showing and expressing interest, all right,

so, here's the thing that a lot of women overlook.

If you notice the woman who is willing

to flirt, compliment, show interest,

she can get a lot further with a lot more guys

because that showing of interest

definitely catches a man’s attention.

Because men are so used to being the ones that

have to show the interest,

have to pursue the woman,

have to in some cases chase.

Even though I do not co-sign chasing

but because they're so used to

being in that position, all right

and not having the woman

always really be expressive

about her desire and interest.

When a woman does that, that hits hard

that really grabs his attention

and hell, there is a lot of men who like

the women that like them like,

if there is other desirable things about her because

simply liking him doesn't

guarantee you're going to get him.

Let's just be honest here,

but if he already sees you as desirable and then

you express interest in him

it doesn't mean pursue him

it doesn't mean you have to ask him on a date.

Compliment him, learning how to flirt,

all of these things.

So, flirtation and showing interest kind of go hand in hand.

These things are definitely

going to make him want you more

because that makes him feel good

and that's a very important thing to remember.

The man truly wants the woman that he feels

good when he's with,

the woman that knows how to tap into his desires

and though we say the word stroke his ego

and many people put a negative connotation on that,

let's be realistic.

Everyone likes their ego stroked

everyone likes to feel wanted and desired

men and women.

So, when a man gets that from a woman

it is very powerful, all right.

So, there's other things we can talk about,

but I really want to stay on a healthier approach

to "making him want you,"

but let's focus on that

making him want you.

Here's the thing,

there has to be a level of

desire in that man already for you, all right.

You can pick his interest,

you can create a level of more desirability,

but I don't want you to think you can force it out of him.

I don't want you to try

to get a man to want you

who's showing you he doesn't.

It's one thing when maybe

he's holding back because he

doesn't know that you have interest.

It's another thing if he's shy

whatever the case may be,

but if that guy is already dismissing you,

not showing interest

I don't want you getting caught up

in this cat and mouse game

of trying to get him

to now chase after you and want you.

Because the problem is

even if you succeed,

it is typically going to be a momentary thing

that it isn't sustainable.

So, yes, you may be able to switch

the interest of a man who's been dismissing you

or showing that he doesn't want to be with you

for various reasons,

but then after he gets you

will he be willing to pour into you?

Will he be willing to have a healthy relationship with you?

Will he even be willing to be serious with you?

Because yeah, he may now want you

to go have sex,

he may want you to go

entertain him for the night,

but does he actually want to

build something with you?

So, what I really want

here's the important message

I want you to listen to

you got to focus on connection.

You got to focus on not just who you want

as a man, who you connect with,

who has a mutual desire with you,

who's on the same page with you

yes, you should still embrace the positive energy,

the showing the desire,

the being confident, all these things.

I want you to be your best self

because in being your best self

you will attract the man who is best for you.

That's the key,

it's not about the man you want.

A lot of women

have gotten the man they want

and still ended up miserable.

Still ended up in a dead-end relationship,

dead-end marriage,

it's gone completely left

because who they wanted wasn't who they needed.

Who they wanted they didn't

have a true connection with.

We got to start there

and when we find that connection

everything else can fall into place

you won't have to do any tips and tricks

with the guy you have a real connection with.

You will simply have to reciprocate his efforts.

You have to make sure you put your best foot forward

and he has to make sure he puts his best foot forward,

but you guys will be able to flow together,

love each other, pour into each other,

and have an amazing relationship.

So, if you came to this video

trying to figure out how to get

that specific man to want you

I want you to pray about it

if you're not a believer then that won't apply

and I understand,

but if you are a believer

I highly want to encourage you to pray

should you even be entertaining this man?

Does God want this man for you?

Because he if he's not

if he's not that guy

I don't want you wasting a second

of your time and energy

on this man who doesn't belong in your life anyway.

It won't be for your own good

if you try to make things work

with a man who does not align with you

who is not the man God has for you

who does not have a connection with you.

So, I hope and pray as always

that you embrace this message

that you found this video helpful.

When a man pulls away

it can be a very frustrating and hurtful experience

but if you're not mindful of how to handle it

there are some mistakes that you may do

or have done.

Let's get into these five mistakes women make.

Now listen, when I say five mistakes women make

that doesn't mean I’m trying to make it your fault

or put the responsibility on you

with the in regards to him pulling away.

However, I’ve seen these situations

go left or go more left, all right,

because clearly they already took a wrong turn.

And not knowing how to handle it

can not only just make things worse

as far as the potential of that specific situation,

but how you move forward from there

and how you're able to bounce back

and now receive a better opportunity

for it to come your way, all right.

So, with that said let's get into it.

Number one mistake

women make when men pull away.

Oh, and real quick

there are various reasons why men will pull away.

There's a video I have

about five reasons why men pull away,

the link you'll see it flash on the screen

click that if you want to watch that,

but be sure to watch this first, all right.

So, you understand the mistakes and then go understand

the reasons why the man even pulls away,

but let's just focus on the mistakes.

So, number one mistake

that women make when a man pulls away,

not expressing how you feel.

Now, this was very important for me to say

because I saw a few videos

on this topic that mentioned

the mistake being telling him how you feel.

That it is wrong, all right or a bad decision

to make to express how you feel to him

and some of you may agree,

but I’m here to tell you that is wrong.

You should express how you feel.

Understand this

from the position of a coach, me, all right.

One of the biggest issues

in relationships and dating

is lack of communication.

There are so many individuals

who are making assumptions

of what happened, what's going on,

and reacting off of that

rather than gaining clarity or giving clarity

in the situation

and it's that lack of communication that creates confusion,

the confusion creates chaos

and then the whole thing blows up.

So, you have some situations where

two people could have easily resolved the problem

by simply talking about it

or by simply having known how the other person felt.

But because that did not occur

there is no resolution

but not only is there not

a resolution or the forwarding

of that relationship

the individual who has not expressed themselves

is more than likely now going to carry damage,

emotional baggage with them.

Because you have now suppressed your emotion,

suppressed your feelings,

and you're carrying that with you to the next situation,

that's extremely unhealthy.

So, not simply for the sake of

can we fix this current situation

with the guy pulling away?

No, for the sake of your emotional health

you should express yourself.

It is always great to get things off your chest

in a calm, loving manner

as best as possible calm and loving, all right.

Therefore, you can walk away knowing

I spoke my piece,

they know where I stand they know how I feel.

Now again, some situations that man

may discover something that he was not aware about

that can now create reconciliation

or it may simply expose even more that

he was not serious, he's not the one for you, whatever.

Either way you're going to have

much better closure,

a greater ability to move forward,

and you won't risk carrying

emotional baggage with you.

So, do not make the mistake

of not expressing how you feel.

Second mistake women make when men pull away

is internalizing the issue, all right.


in my other video the reasons why men pull away,

one of the things I mentioned is that

you don't always know what happened, all right.

And it could be various reasons

and sometimes the man pulling away

has nothing to do with the woman herself.

It could be something tragic happening in his life

or something that he does not know how to handle properly

It could be

again, he could have been,

he could have met somebody new, all right.

There is various things that can happen that could be

completely out of your control

but one of the mistakes that women make is that

they internalize why he pulled away.

They immediately make it about

what was wrong with me?

What did I do wrong?

And listen, you should not be

beating yourself up like that.

Now, granted there are going to be situations

if we're going to be completely honest

where our behavior

could be the catalyst to somebody walking away from us

that's the reality.

But if you don't know what the reason is

there's no reason for you to beat yourself up

trying to over analyze something

that you're not going to get a clear answer from.

Now, if you know deep inside

there were some things that you handled improperly

that's different

but I don't want you to beat yourself up about it,

I simply want you to reflect on it,

understand it, make the corrections

that's it, all right.

But if you don't have any clue

any idea what went wrong

don't start trying to grasp at different straws,

don't start trying to ask

10 different people what's their opinions.

Now, you have all these different scenarios playing in your head

because all that's doing is driving you crazy,

you're not getting any peace from this.

And again, if he's not giving you the clarity then

you're not going to be able to get it by trying to guess

you can't come up with the answer yourself.

So, there's going to be times when we just have to accept

they just weren't for us

and that's the reality sometimes

you can be an amazing woman,

an amazing human being.

You could be someone that he actually views

as a good woman

but that doesn't mean he viewed

you as the woman for him.

So, him walking away doesn't mean

there's something wrong with you per Se.

It just means that the connection wasn't there

or the fit isn't right,

you know what I’m saying, and better that

we acknowledge that early on

than to force a relationship

or in many scenarios force some marriage

with two people who don't really belong together, all right.

So again, do not internalize when he walks away

but always be willing to hold yourself

accountable for where you know

and that's like the key, the key is you know

when you've behaved

or you've done things that were unhealthy or may have

caused problems in any relationship.

The number three mistake that

women make when men pull away

is acting like you don't care.

Keyword acting, all right,

trying to fake this interest

and act like it doesn't bother you.

Because you don't want to give him that satisfaction

or that power over you or whatever the case may be.

It may makes sense to you

and I’m sure there's some of you right now that's questioning

why would that be a mistake it's

a mistake because it's unhealthy.

It's a mistake because again,

one, connecting back to the number one reason

when you have not fully expressed yourself or how you feel,

let's just say there's a scenario where

guy is dating you,

guy is making effort

but he doesn't feel like you're giving the effort back.

He doesn't feel like you're reciprocating

the interest and desire.

So, now he pulls away

not because he did not like you

or wasn't serious about you

but he didn't feel like you was serious about him.

So now, in that scenario

if you act like you don't care

if you faked this interest

you've only killed the situation even more

without realizing that had you simply let him know,

hey, this is how I feel I do like you.

Maybe you were holding back because you were scared.

Maybe you're holding back because you just feel like

you want to be extra cautious because

you've jumped too far ahead in your past.

Whatever it is

simply saying that may have solved the issue.

But instead you go into faking like you don't care

and you may kill

the potential of that relationship

if it could go somewhere

or going back to what I mentioned earlier

you acting disinterested is unhealthy

because you're suppressing your real feelings and desires.

And so, now that acting like you don't care

becomes a toxic cycle.

It also becomes a suppression of emotions,

it becomes a lack of healing

that you will now carry with you

into other relationships.

So, one way or another

don't play the game

and that's the other thing it's a game.

When you when you act,

key word again, act like you don't care

you're playing a game.

And if you watch any of my videos you know

I’m not about those games

and I’m not going to encourage any you

of you to be playing any games.

So, check that at the door,

leave it alone,

be true to who you are,

express yourself.

If you do care, it's okay.

It's okay to accept and acknowledge that

you care about something that hurts you

that is bothering you

that's how you work through those emotions,

that's how you get to your healing.

To heal you must face the pain.

So, don't act like it doesn't bother you when it does

and that way you can address it properly

and resolve it

whether it turns into reconciliation

with that individual

or you being able to properly move on from that man.

The number four mistake

women make when a man pull away

and quick mention

get your copy of, the man God has for you

I forgot to bring it in this video

that's my fault but listen,

if you follow me you've probably seen the cover already.

Either way you can go to amazon

or click the link in the description

or in the comments section or go to

all right best-selling book

women are loving it let's get back to number four.

So, number four mistake that women make

when men pull away

is compromising your true desires to get him back.

So, let me just give a scenario

you meet a man you like him

you guys are dating everything's going well, all right.

You want a relationship

he seems to be leaning towards just wanting to go with the flow

and be casual, all right.

So, now he pulls away

and you sense that he's pulling away because maybe

you are putting on the pressure

too much about this whole relationship thing.

And so, in order to get him back

you now go back to him saying,

okay well let's just try this casual thing

or you know I want to give it a chance

you try to find some way to compromise

your true desires to appease him

and get him back in your life

that is a huge mistake.

And it's a huge mistake for so many different reasons.

One, you will never be truly happy and at peace

if you're not being true to yourself

and what you desire in that situation.

You want a relationship stand strong on that.

You want to get married one day stand strong in that.

Do not waver from that

because you want so badly to get this specific man in your life

ain't no man worth you compromising

your true values and desires, plain and simple.

Not to mention now

that you're bringing him back on false pretenses.

So, if you bring him back

hoping that I’ll play this game

of the casual dating for now

hoping I can change his mind later, all right.

You're only setting yourself up for bigger disappointment

and to have him mad and frustrated at you

because he was real with you from day one

and said I only wanted a casual situation.

This is just a disaster waiting to happen

there's nothing good that's going to come out of that stuff.

And all you're now doing is

setting yourself up to be more attached to this individual

rather than working on moving on from this individual.

So, never compromise what your true desires are.

You know what you want

if he's not on the same page as you

so be it let him move on.

I’m just going to mention this real quick

There was a study that was done

that tried to find the key things

that increases a woman's chances of being married.

And one of those things was

not settling for dead end relationships

and not wavering

from the fact that they wanted to be married.

So, those women who were able to receive that

great man and marriage in their life

were women who recognized quickly

when a man was wasting their time and cut him loose.

Recognized quickly when they weren't

on the same page and wanted two different things

and cut him loose.

Those women did not drag along these situations

hoping for things to change.

So, do not make that mistake.

And now number five

the last reason...

Or the last mistake

women make when men pull away

is moving on to cope

rather than healing, all right.

So, I’m sure some of you have heard the saying

the quickest way to get over somebody

is to get under somebody,

horrible advice horrible advice, all right.

And I’ll do another video to explain

why that's so bad because there's a lot to speak on

rebound relationships okay.

However, when you are moving on to cope,

you're not resolving the real issue

and you're not realizing that you are

now dragging that pain and that damage

that emotional baggage with you.

And so, now, what this sets you up for

in almost all cases is,

number one you are not likely

to get with the right person

if you try to move on and date when you haven't healed.

Most people are going to engage

with other unhealthy individuals

other people who may feel

emotionally safer to deal with

because they don't make you feel vulnerable in that way.

And they don't make you feel vulnerable in that way

because you're not into them like that

you don't have that connection with them.

So, you're going to settle for that because it feels safe

but that's going to be the wrong choice,

the wrong person.

So, you're guaranteed to have an unhealthy,

unhealthy relationship

that's not going to last in the long-term.

And it's not going to be fulfilling at all

not to mention you now

risk damaging someone else

because you're dragging them into your

web of unhealthiness and lack of healing

and that creates another cycle

with them and who they move on to.

It's just a huge freaking mess.

So listen, if a man pulls away from you

and you are hurt heal.

Heal focus on resolving that properly.

Now the things I mentioned one to four

are going to help you with that

or help make sure you stay on the right track

so that you can focus on healing

rather than coping.

Coping does not cure anything

it just shows you how to manage it in the moment

but it's just, it's just something

that's waiting to explode any day.

You're going to get triggered and it's going to all come out.

Don't set yourself up for that kind of disaster.

Heal do what's necessary if you need help with healing

check out the book love after heartbreak

but again you've got to heal.

Now I’m just going to be real with you.

I looked at this topic and I said,

this is not healthy this isn't the right way to do things.

Listen, there are some things

that psychologically you can do to

"make him miss you"

but what you got to ask yourself is if

you have to go through all of that

are you even with the right guy?

What you should have to do

if you feel like your man is neglecting you

or doesn't seem like he misses you

is simply talk to him.

When you engage in these tips and tricks

to make him miss you,

you are creating a more dysfunctional

environment in your relationship.

So, for example,

one tip that floats around is

don't say to him that you miss him

or pull back on your communication.

But let me explain something to you

if you're dealing with the wrong guy

number one it may not even faze him.

So, you might pull back communication,

you might not tell him you miss him

and he doesn't care.

And now you become infuriated

and consumed with trying to get his attention,

trying to be validated by this man

who doesn't even belong in your life.

So, now you've played yourself

because you're trying to get someone to react

who doesn't give a damn about you,

but let's just say he actually does care about you

and life got the best of him

and he has lost sight of what you need.

And the attention that he's not giving you.

Well, when you pull back that communication

now he starts to think you don't love him

you don't care about him anymore.

Now, he may react in dysfunction

to your dysfunctional reaction.

And that's not to insult you

but I got to call it what it is

we can't play these games and think we're

going to get a positive result from it.

It's only going to create

more chaos and confusion.

So, the best approach always

is to talk to the man

because if he truly loves you,

if he truly cares about you,

then you simply making it known

that you don't feel valued,

you don't feel missed, you feel neglected

will get his attention and

cause him to want to do better.

Whereas if he doesn't care about you

he will expose himself in that conversation.

But I feel the need to tell you that

listen, you've got to be real honest with yourself

because some of you have seen the red flags,

some of you have seen that man

does not care enough about you

or isn't fully invested in you.

You've already said it to him

you've already shouted it from the rooftops

and he still has changed nothing

why are you still there?

Why are you looking for videos on how to make him miss you?

the answer is right in front of your face?

He's not for you

and you got to stop beating the dead horse

and think you're going to make this thing change or

make him want you more.

Yes, you may get him to want you more

in the moment,

but if he's not truly into you, it's not sustainable.

So, what are you going to do you're going to

all the time look to play a certain game

push a certain button

whenever you don't feel like you're getting

the love from him that you deserve?

No, if talking to him is not enough

that means he needs to be removed from your life.

And you should not have to engage

in this tit for tat

and all this little playing of games and mental games

just to get him to show you more love and attention.

You got to recognize when you're

dealing with the wrong person

or when you're dealing with the right guy

who simply needs to

be reminded of what you need

because it can happen.

Life can get the best of someone

and sometimes people don't realize

how they've fallen off in certain ways,

but again, all it takes is an

honest transparent conversation.

But let me also say this before we wrap this up,

if you really want him to miss you

and he's the right guy for you

make sure that you not only make it known to him,

but that you pour more love into that man.

Listen, you're not going to get love and positive energy

by pouring negativity into the situation.

You've got to up your game

because in being caught up in how you feel

you may not be realizing that you're neglecting him too

that you're not giving him what he needs in certain areas.

So, be sure that when you come to that conversation

don't just make it about what you feel is lacking

that he's not doing for you,

but open yourself up to hearing what

he has to say about your behavior

or what you may be neglecting.

And when you can do that

and both of you guys can get on the same page

now you can have a healthy resolution to this issue

and truly get what you both deserve.

So, I hope that helps

and I’m sorry if you were looking for more specific tips,

but I don't want you engaging in unhealthy behavior.

I want you to go about this the best way possible

to get the best results

and to only entertain and deal with

someone who is truly best for you.

So, today's video is

three reasons why you should not

let him chase you.

Now, I want to hear your opinion in the in the poll,

but I’m going to explain to you why

this is actually a huge mistake on your end.

Now, I have a video for men

on three reasons why they should not chase a woman

from the male perspective of why it's not good for them.

This video is specifically why

it's not good for you, all right.

Because you hear a lot of women saying

oh you got to let the man chase you,

you got to find a man who loves you more than you love him.

There's videos all over YouTube about

let him chase you,

get him to chase you all these things.

Listen, this is a huge, huge mistake.

So, I’m going to lay out the three reasons,

but I need you to listen to the very end

because after I give you the three reasons

I’m going to explain something very important to you

so that you need to understand about

this whole letting him chase you dynamic,

very important so listen to the end.

Anyways, number one reason

why you should not let him chase you

because typically if he chases you

it's infatuation not love.

Here's what I have found

in all my years of doing this

and examining so many scenarios

and so many relationships.

When men are willing to chase

they are typically locked into the fantasy, the hype,

the infatuation they have towards this woman.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and say

no man who has ever chased

did not love a woman.

I’m not saying that is not possible,

what I am saying is that in most situations

infatuation is the true driver of that situation.

And so, if it's not really about genuine love

then we're already setting the bar or the

wrong foundation for this relationship

because here's the reality,

most men and I would say this,

this changes some as the man gets older.

As a man gets older he's been through more things

he may have been hurt before,

chasing a woman

can become very hurtful.

Trying to show and prove your love to someone

who is making you jump through hoops,

who has walls up,

who is resisting your desire to

express this to her or to embrace you

wanting to be with her in any kind of way

that is really going to hurt.

It's going to cause a problem for that guy

and so, I always say it's easier for a man to chase love,

I mean to chase lust than it is to chase love.

And I’m simply saying that in lust

you don't feel the pain as much

her resistance doesn't hit down

deep in your spirit the same.

You're so locked into what you want

what you desire on the surface

that you see it almost as a game, a conquest,

again, you're just not as deterred

because lust doesn't bring out the vulnerability.

When you are loving this woman,

when they are truly into you, and truly desire you

and there's love that's driving them,

now your resistance hurts

because they're vulnerable.

Consider like essentially it's almost like

their heart is on the outside of their chest.

They're more exposed so now any resistance

anything that goes against them

trying to love you will hurt them.

Whereas if they're in lust in infatuation

they can deal with it.

So, what happens with a lot of women is

you start to think sometimes

that the guy who chases,

the guy who won't quit coming after you

actually loves you, he doesn't.

He's just infatuated,

he's just locked into what he wants,

and again, I’m not saying

it's impossible

that a man can love a woman in that dynamic.

I’m telling you in the vast majority of situations

that's not what's going on.

It may be presented as love

some people may fall for it

and think it's love,

but it's actually infatuation, obsession,

other unhealthy things.

And so, I’ve seen scenarios where one guy

will keep chasing

who was infatuated the other guy

who was actually in love with that woman

falls back,

but again he doesn't fall back

because he doesn't truly want you,

he doesn't fall back because

he doesn't have genuine intentions for you.

He falls back because he cannot take the resistance.

He can't deal with the fact that he loves this woman

who is not embracing him,

but again women, many will fall for

the idea that the one who chases

loves them more, that's not true,

that's not true.

So, you do not want a man to chase you

that's an unhealthy thing,

but that brings me to the number two reason why

you don't want a man or you don't want to let him chase you.

Because then you can pour insecurity

and toxic energy into that relationship.

So, what I mean by that is this.

Once again, if the man has genuine intentions

truly loves you and now you make him chase

you will increase the chances of

that man becoming insecure with you,

you will increase the chances of that man

going to his feminine energy

coming off...

I don't want you guys

to automatically think I’m saying

being clingy and needy is feminine.

So, let me rephrase that,

but he will go away from his masculine energy.

That's a better way to say it right now,

he will go away more from his masculine energy,

that energy that you may have been attracted to initially

will start to dissipate

because he now feels more insecure.

Because he's put in a position where

he has to chase and if he has a chase

that means he's not sure you even want him,

he's not sure you're serious about him,

he's not sure that you're not just trying to play him.

So, now his insecurity gets the best of him.

And what I’ve seen in many situations

is the man who chases

will now lash out, all right.

But he's not lashing out

because he doesn't genuinely care,

he's lashing out of hurt and frustration.

And so, now the whole situation goes left

but it was set on that path

because you created this dynamic of him having to chase

rather than a mutually building relationship.

Where both parties are putting forth

effort, showing desire,

trying to build something amazing together, which is the key

to a successful relationship.

Without that, you are headed

for a lot of disaster.

So, again,

by letting him chase you

or making him chase you,

you run a lot of risk

of pouring insecurity,

negative energy into the situation,

and now number three.

When you let him or make him chase you

many times, he will switch up on you.

So, here's the problem,

once again, remember what I said

the guy who continuously chases

many times is infatuated, all right

or obsessed and so his mindset is

I’m going to do everything it takes

to get you because I want you so bad

but once I got you

now it's your turn.

Now, he turns the tables.

Now he's not putting in the same effort,

he's not showing you the great guy

he showed you for x amount of months

because it was never about

a healthy successful relationship.

He was simply locked in on getting you

and once he got you,

he thinks it's his turn to reap the benefits.

If you start the relationship one-sided

where he's chasing you

he will now flip it on you

to where you find yourself chasing him.

Where you find yourself doing more than him

now, you are burdened

with carrying the relationship

because he feels well I carried it to this point

now it's your damn turn.

You see it's a very unhealthy,

toxic, dynamic.

It typically does not work.

Again, I will repeat

am I saying that it's never worked out?

No, there are always exceptions to the rule

but the vast majority of situations

will not turn out well in your favor

if you go into it with the mindset of chasing.

You will risk losing the right guys.

You will risk getting caught up with the wrong guys.

You will risk finding yourself in situations

where again he switches up on you.

You will risk the toxic energy and the

insecurity that's poured into the situation.

This is not in your best interest.

Always focus on

mutually beneficial relationship,

mutual effort, mutual building together,

that is the key.

But remember in the beginning I said to you

listen to the end

because I want you to understand something

very important about this chasing thing.

When you make him chase you, all right,

you got to ask yourself why.

Why are you doing this because let me

paint this picture real quick.

Let's say there's a celebrity and I'm just going

to use a random one that I hear about a lot

let's say Idris Elba.

Now, I know he's married

so no disrespect to his situation,

but let's just say he was a single man

and let's say you are someone

who reveres him,

who loves you some Idris Elba, right.

If this man came to you,

showed up at your doorstep

or whatever and say hey, I saw you,

I want to be with you

I want to get to know you let's make this work.

You're not going to make Idris Elba chase you

you're going to latch on for dear life.

You're going to see this opportunity like, oh my Gosh,

thank goodness, thank God

I cannot let this slip out of my hands.

So, the reality is this

when you let a man chase you

ask yourself are you really that interested in him?

What's really going on?

Because if you had true strong desire

the reality is this,

for a woman when you really like a man

when you're really into him

you have to talk yourself out of doing too much.

You got to look at yourself in the mirror

and give yourself a pep talk

not to do too much.

You have to try to hold back

because you don't want to come across

too strong or whatever.

So, when you can sit back

and let someone chase you

or play a game to get him to chase you

then you have to ask yourself,

how interested are you in him?

How much do you really desire him?

And if it's really not that strong,

if you're really not into him like that,

why would you even try

to have a relationship with him?

That's already a setup for disaster,

but there's more

because sometimes it's not a lack of interest,

it's not a lack of desire.

The other reason you got to ask yourself

as to why you want this man to chase you

is have you healed?

The reality for so many women

is that you have been hurt,

you have been let down,

and now you have walls up.

And so, now your inability or your struggle

to embrace the whole mutual building,

the mutual effort is a symptom of what

you haven't healed from in your past.

And so, now your guardedness says he

must show me and prove to me first

that he is worthy of me letting my

wall down, but here's a news flash,

when you haven't healed

he can never reach that level of worthiness.

He will never be good enough in your eyes

because even when he does everything

right the minute he does anything wrong,

one mistake

and you're going to be like oh, there we go

I knew it he's just like the rest like,

the walls will be reactivated

and you're back behind them.

Back to being guarded, back to validating your hurt

and that's a problem.

That's a battle he can't win

you have to heal yourself

you got to make sure

you're not carrying past baggage

into these new situations.

I would argue

that if you are healed

and you are truly interested

and really into this man,

you won't even think

about trying to get him to chase you.

You won't even consider that for a second

because you will be too busy

trying to embrace the moment,

thanking God, looking at the opportunity in front of you

and running with it.

You're not going to try to play no games.

You're not going to try to do all these little tips and tricks.

No, you're going to put in your mutual effort.

So, always ask yourself

why am I even trying to make a man chase me?

You got to do your part

and when you do, you will get what's best for you

and you will have healthier relationships

and greater success in that area.

So, again listen,

I hope this was helpful to you

always remember everything I say to you

is with love and the desire to help you

not to judge you, not to make you feel bad.

It's to help you see the things I believe you need to see

is to trust that what my spirit is telling me

I need to say to you is being said.

Hey, thank you for watching this video

be sure to check this one out right here

and I’ll see you there.

So, when a man says let's go with the flow

when he oh, we don't need any titles,

anything that's very non-committal

or doesn't present a vision for where we are

trying to go with this is a man you should not...