Because if you want what some people consider
a high value man or a man who's very accomplished,
he's more likely to put more value
on your feminine energy.
So, now he pulls away
not because he did not like you
or wasn't serious about you,
but he didn't feel like you were serious about him.
You've already said it to him,
you've already shouted it from the rooftops
and he still has changed nothing
why are you still there?
And when you do, you will get what's best for you
and you will have healthier relationships
and greater success in that area.
Now, I’m not going to lie to you ladies
these types of videos
I feel some kind of way about, all right.
And I’ll explain more in detail
why but I’ll say from the jump
I feel some kind of way about it because
a lot of videos like this
tend to try to teach you guys
tricks and games to play
to pick a man's interest.
And that can become very problematic because
now in playing this game
a lot of times you end up playing yourself.
As well as you're trying to
get a man that you want but you don't need
and it's not truly best for you.
And so, I really want you to be mindful of that
in regards to like,
is this dude really, this man really
best for you? Is this really what you need?
Is this really going to work in the long term?
Because jumping through all these
hoops and doing all these different things
to make him want you
could end up with you becoming
more hurt and damaged, all right.
But I do want to give you
first some tips that
can increase your desirability to a man,
can draw his attention more
in a healthy way.
Again, because I don't like the
whole playing games and tricks,
but I do think there's
things that we can tap into as individuals
that help us achieve the results
that we're looking for, all right.
So, let me give you some quick ones
and then I got a very important
message I need you to hear at the end.
So, tip number one
find your confidence, all right.
The reality is that confidence looks good on everybody
confidence is sexy, all right.
And when you are a confident woman
you're going to stand out more.
You're going to be able to catch his interest more
because essentially a confident woman
even a confident person,
but specifically in this video,
we're talking about you as a woman.
A confident woman
conveys an understanding of her value to the man.
When you're confident it's like,
I know I’m good stuff.
I know what I bring to the table
and it makes a man say well, damn,
if she's that confident I want a piece of that.
I want to know what's all this good stuff she got
and I’m not talking about just sex,
I’m like overall you as a woman, all right.
So, and it's the same thing again
when you see a confident man
it makes you feel like, well, damn, what has he got
I might want some of that too, you know.
That's a very natural occurrence
when someone exudes confidence.
So, as a woman,
you've got to find your confidence
because if you are very insecure around this man,
if you don't feel good
about yourself, if you're not confident
that is usually going to backfire on you,
that's usually going to work against you.
And so, if you are lacking in confidence
locate the areas that hinder it
figure out okay what can I improve
that helps me feel more confident
it might be finding the style that works with you.
When I say style, your style of clothes
certain people can put on a certain outfit
and it doesn't feel good
like you don't like the way you look in it.
And if you don't like the way you look
you won't be confident.
And you can put a different style of outfit
and the style is up to you and what
works for you everyone's different.
But when you find that style that speaks to you
and that you feel good in
now you're going to exude that confident energy.
So, be confident
find your confidence be confident.
Number two, exude that positive
and feminine energy, all right.
Now, I’m not going to lie to you
I’m going to lean more towards positivity
in this one simply because
depending on the man you want.
And again, like I said you need to be really mindful of
who you think you want and if they're really best for you.
But depending on the man you want
femininity may or may not be as high of a priority
because if you want what some people
consider a high value man or a man who's
very accomplished he's more
likely to put more value on your feminine energy.
If let's say you're young
this guy is in high school
he may not even understand the whole feminine thing.
Even though I would still argue it still helps
in most cases
it's possible some guys want a tough girl, you know.
And I wouldn't want you to try to be
acting hard and tough that's not who you are,
but and in most cases that's not who you are,
but we'll explain that in a whole different video.
But the point is that
it can vary depending on the type of guy that
you want and where you are in your life.
So, with that said though
positive energy tends to still be
across the board a desirable thing
that at least catches a man's attention
and draws a man to you.
I will say that positivity and femininity
is more likely to draw you a healthy man, all right.
But again, that aside positive energy
so, you have to find that within yourself
find that happiness find that joy
because again, who wants to be around a miserable person?
Who wants to be around a negative energy?
That's not what the typical person desires
hell, a woman doesn't want all that negativity
around her either why will a man?
So, as a woman
tapping into that positivity is definitely going to
make you more desirable and make him want you.
showing and expressing interest, all right,
so, here's the thing that a lot of women overlook.
If you notice the woman who is willing
to flirt, compliment, show interest,
she can get a lot further with a lot more guys
because that showing of interest
definitely catches a man’s attention.
Because men are so used to being the ones that
have to show the interest,
have to pursue the woman,
have to in some cases chase.
Even though I do not co-sign chasing
but because they're so used to
being in that position, all right
and not having the woman
always really be expressive
about her desire and interest.
When a woman does that, that hits hard
that really grabs his attention
and hell, there is a lot of men who like
the women that like them like,
if there is other desirable things about her because
simply liking him doesn't
guarantee you're going to get him.
Let's just be honest here,
but if he already sees you as desirable and then
you express interest in him
it doesn't mean pursue him
it doesn't mean you have to ask him on a date.
Compliment him, learning how to flirt,
all of these things.
So, flirtation and showing interest kind of go hand in hand.
These things are definitely
going to make him want you more
because that makes him feel good
and that's a very important thing to remember.
The man truly wants the woman that he feels
good when he's with,
the woman that knows how to tap into his desires
and though we say the word stroke his ego
and many people put a negative connotation on that,
let's be realistic.
Everyone likes their ego stroked
everyone likes to feel wanted and desired
men and women.
So, when a man gets that from a woman
it is very powerful, all right.
So, there's other things we can talk about,
but I really want to stay on a healthier approach
to "making him want you,"
but let's focus on that
making him want you.
Here's the thing,
there has to be a level of
desire in that man already for you, all right.
You can pick his interest,
you can create a level of more desirability,
but I don't want you to think you can force it out of him.
I don't want you to try
to get a man to want you
who's showing you he doesn't.
It's one thing when maybe
he's holding back because he
doesn't know that you have interest.
It's another thing if he's shy
whatever the case may be,
but if that guy is already dismissing you,
not showing interest
I don't want you getting caught up
in this cat and mouse game
of trying to get him
to now chase after you and want you.
Because the problem is
even if you succeed,
it is typically going to be a momentary thing
that it isn't sustainable.
So, yes, you may be able to switch
the interest of a man who's been dismissing you
or showing that he doesn't want to be with you
for various reasons,
but then after he gets you
will he be willing to pour into you?
Will he be willing to have a healthy relationship with you?
Will he even be willing to be serious with you?
Because yeah, he may now want you
to go have sex,
he may want you to go
entertain him for the night,
but does he actually want to
build something with you?
So, what I really want
here's the important message
I want you to listen to
you got to focus on connection.
You got to focus on not just who you want
as a man, who you connect with,
who has a mutual desire with you,
who's on the same page with you
yes, you should still embrace the positive energy,
the showing the desire,
the being confident, all these things.
I want you to be your best self
because in being your best self
you will attract the man who is best for you.
That's the key,
it's not about the man you want.
A lot of women
have gotten the man they want
and still ended up miserable.
Still ended up in a dead-end relationship,
it's gone completely left
because who they wanted wasn't who they needed.
Who they wanted they didn't
have a true connection with.
We got to start there
and when we find that connection
everything else can fall into place
you won't have to do any tips and tricks
with the guy you have a real connection with.
You will simply have to reciprocate his efforts.
You have to make sure you put your best foot forward
and he has to make sure he puts his best foot forward,
but you guys will be able to flow together,
love each other, pour into each other,
and have an amazing relationship.
So, if you came to this video
trying to figure out how to get
that specific man to want you
I want you to pray about it
if you're not a believer then that won't apply
and I understand,
but if you are a believer
I highly want to encourage you to pray
should you even be entertaining this man?
Does God want this man for you?
Because he if he's not
if he's not that guy
I don't want you wasting a second
of your time and energy
on this man who doesn't belong in your life anyway.
It won't be for your own good
if you try to make things work
with a man who does not align with you
who is not the man God has for you
who does not have a connection with you.
So, I hope and pray as always
that you embrace this message
that you found this video helpful.
When a man pulls away
it can be a very frustrating and hurtful experience
but if you're not mindful of how to handle it
there are some mistakes that you may do
or have done.
Let's get into these five mistakes women make.
Now listen, when I say five mistakes women make
that doesn't mean I’m trying to make it your fault
or put the responsibility on you
with the in regards to him pulling away.
However, I’ve seen these situations
go left or go more left, all right,
because clearly they already took a wrong turn.
And not knowing how to handle it
can not only just make things worse
as far as the potential of that specific situation,
but how you move forward from there
and how you're able to bounce back
and now receive a better opportunity
for it to come your way, all right.
So, with that said let's get into it.
Number one mistake
women make when men pull away.
Oh, and real quick
there are various reasons why men will pull away.
There's a video I have
about five reasons why men pull away,
the link you'll see it flash on the screen
click that if you want to watch that,
but be sure to watch this first, all right.
So, you understand the mistakes and then go understand
the reasons why the man even pulls away,
but let's just focus on the mistakes.
So, number one mistake
that women make when a man pulls away,
not expressing how you feel.
Now, this was very important for me to say
because I saw a few videos
on this topic that mentioned
the mistake being telling him how you feel.
That it is wrong, all right or a bad decision
to make to express how you feel to him
and some of you may agree,
but I’m here to tell you that is wrong.
You should express how you feel.
from the position of a coach, me, all right.
One of the biggest issues
in relationships and dating
is lack of communication.
There are so many individuals
who are making assumptions
of what happened, what's going on,
and reacting off of that
rather than gaining clarity or giving clarity
in the situation
and it's that lack of communication that creates confusion,
the confusion creates chaos
and then the whole thing blows up.
So, you have some situations where
two people could have easily resolved the problem
by simply talking about it
or by simply having known how the other person felt.
But because that did not occur
there is no resolution
but not only is there not
a resolution or the forwarding
of that relationship
the individual who has not expressed themselves
is more than likely now going to carry damage,
emotional baggage with them.
Because you have now suppressed your emotion,
suppressed your feelings,
and you're carrying that with you to the next situation,
that's extremely unhealthy.
So, not simply for the sake of
can we fix this current situation
with the guy pulling away?
No, for the sake of your emotional health
you should express yourself.
It is always great to get things off your chest
in a calm, loving manner
as best as possible calm and loving, all right.
Therefore, you can walk away knowing
I spoke my piece,
they know where I stand they know how I feel.
Now again, some situations that man
may discover something that he was not aware about
that can now create reconciliation
or it may simply expose even more that
he was not serious, he's not the one for you, whatever.
Either way you're going to have
much better closure,
a greater ability to move forward,
and you won't risk carrying
emotional baggage with you.
So, do not make the mistake
of not expressing how you feel.
Second mistake women make when men pull away
is internalizing the issue, all right.
in my other video the reasons why men pull away,
one of the things I mentioned is that
you don't always know what happened, all right.
And it could be various reasons
and sometimes the man pulling away
has nothing to do with the woman herself.
It could be something tragic happening in his life
or something that he does not know how to handle properly
It could be
again, he could have been,
he could have met somebody new, all right.
There is various things that can happen that could be
completely out of your control
but one of the mistakes that women make is that
they internalize why he pulled away.
They immediately make it about
what was wrong with me?
What did I do wrong?
And listen, you should not be
beating yourself up like that.
Now, granted there are going to be situations
if we're going to be completely honest
where our behavior
could be the catalyst to somebody walking away from us
that's the reality.
But if you don't know what the reason is
there's no reason for you to beat yourself up
trying to over analyze something
that you're not going to get a clear answer from.
Now, if you know deep inside
there were some things that you handled improperly
but I don't want you to beat yourself up about it,
I simply want you to reflect on it,
understand it, make the corrections
that's it, all right.
But if you don't have any clue
any idea what went wrong
don't start trying to grasp at different straws,
don't start trying to ask
10 different people what's their opinions.
Now, you have all these different scenarios playing in your head
because all that's doing is driving you crazy,
you're not getting any peace from this.
And again, if he's not giving you the clarity then
you're not going to be able to get it by trying to guess
you can't come up with the answer yourself.
So, there's going to be times when we just have to accept
they just weren't for us
and that's the reality sometimes
you can be an amazing woman,
an amazing human being.
You could be someone that he actually views
as a good woman
but that doesn't mean he viewed
you as the woman for him.
So, him walking away doesn't mean
there's something wrong with you per Se.
It just means that the connection wasn't there
or the fit isn't right,
you know what I’m saying, and better that
we acknowledge that early on
than to force a relationship
or in many scenarios force some marriage
with two people who don't really belong together, all right.
So again, do not internalize when he walks away
but always be willing to hold yourself
accountable for where you know
and that's like the key, the key is you know
when you've behaved
or you've done things that were unhealthy or may have
caused problems in any relationship.
The number three mistake that
women make when men pull away
is acting like you don't care.
Keyword acting, all right,
trying to fake this interest
and act like it doesn't bother you.
Because you don't want to give him that satisfaction
or that power over you or whatever the case may be.
It may makes sense to you
and I’m sure there's some of you right now that's questioning
why would that be a mistake it's
a mistake because it's unhealthy.
It's a mistake because again,
one, connecting back to the number one reason
when you have not fully expressed yourself or how you feel,
let's just say there's a scenario where
guy is dating you,
guy is making effort
but he doesn't feel like you're giving the effort back.
He doesn't feel like you're reciprocating
the interest and desire.
So, now he pulls away
not because he did not like you
or wasn't serious about you
but he didn't feel like you was serious about him.
So now, in that scenario
if you act like you don't care
if you faked this interest
you've only killed the situation even more
without realizing that had you simply let him know,
hey, this is how I feel I do like you.
Maybe you were holding back because you were scared.
Maybe you're holding back because you just feel like
you want to be extra cautious because
you've jumped too far ahead in your past.
Whatever it is
simply saying that may have solved the issue.
But instead you go into faking like you don't care
and you may kill
the potential of that relationship
if it could go somewhere
or going back to what I mentioned earlier
you acting disinterested is unhealthy
because you're suppressing your real feelings and desires.
And so, now that acting like you don't care
becomes a toxic cycle.
It also becomes a suppression of emotions,
it becomes a lack of healing
that you will now carry with you
into other relationships.
So, one way or another
don't play the game
and that's the other thing it's a game.
When you when you act,
key word again, act like you don't care
you're playing a game.
And if you watch any of my videos you know
I’m not about those games
and I’m not going to encourage any you
of you to be playing any games.
So, check that at the door,
leave it alone,
be true to who you are,
If you do care, it's okay.
It's okay to accept and acknowledge that
you care about something that hurts you
that is bothering you
that's how you work through those emotions,
that's how you get to your healing.
To heal you must face the pain.
So, don't act like it doesn't bother you when it does
and that way you can address it properly
and resolve it
whether it turns into reconciliation
with that individual
or you being able to properly move on from that man.
The number four mistake
women make when a man pull away
and quick mention
get your copy of, the man God has for you
I forgot to bring it in this video
that's my fault but listen,
if you follow me you've probably seen the cover already.
Either way you can go to amazon
or click the link in the description
or in the comments section or go to
all right best-selling book
women are loving it let's get back to number four.
So, number four mistake that women make
when men pull away
is compromising your true desires to get him back.
So, let me just give a scenario
you meet a man you like him
you guys are dating everything's going well, all right.
You want a relationship
he seems to be leaning towards just wanting to go with the flow
and be casual, all right.
So, now he pulls away
and you sense that he's pulling away because maybe
you are putting on the pressure
too much about this whole relationship thing.
And so, in order to get him back
you now go back to him saying,
okay well let's just try this casual thing
or you know I want to give it a chance
you try to find some way to compromise
your true desires to appease him
and get him back in your life
that is a huge mistake.
And it's a huge mistake for so many different reasons.
One, you will never be truly happy and at peace
if you're not being true to yourself
and what you desire in that situation.
You want a relationship stand strong on that.
You want to get married one day stand strong in that.
Do not waver from that
because you want so badly to get this specific man in your life
ain't no man worth you compromising
your true values and desires, plain and simple.
Not to mention now
that you're bringing him back on false pretenses.
So, if you bring him back
hoping that I’ll play this game
of the casual dating for now
hoping I can change his mind later, all right.
You're only setting yourself up for bigger disappointment
and to have him mad and frustrated at you
because he was real with you from day one
and said I only wanted a casual situation.
This is just a disaster waiting to happen
there's nothing good that's going to come out of that stuff.
And all you're now doing is
setting yourself up to be more attached to this individual
rather than working on moving on from this individual.
So, never compromise what your true desires are.
You know what you want
if he's not on the same page as you
so be it let him move on.
I’m just going to mention this real quick
There was a study that was done
that tried to find the key things
that increases a woman's chances of being married.
And one of those things was
not settling for dead end relationships
and not wavering
from the fact that they wanted to be married.
So, those women who were able to receive that
great man and marriage in their life
were women who recognized quickly
when a man was wasting their time and cut him loose.
Recognized quickly when they weren't
on the same page and wanted two different things
and cut him loose.
Those women did not drag along these situations
hoping for things to change.
So, do not make that mistake.
And now number five
the last reason...
Or the last mistake
women make when men pull away
is moving on to cope
rather than healing, all right.
So, I’m sure some of you have heard the saying
the quickest way to get over somebody
is to get under somebody,
horrible advice horrible advice, all right.
And I’ll do another video to explain
why that's so bad because there's a lot to speak on
rebound relationships okay.
However, when you are moving on to cope,
you're not resolving the real issue
and you're not realizing that you are
now dragging that pain and that damage
that emotional baggage with you.
And so, now, what this sets you up for
in almost all cases is,
number one you are not likely
to get with the right person
if you try to move on and date when you haven't healed.
Most people are going to engage
with other unhealthy individuals
other people who may feel
emotionally safer to deal with
because they don't make you feel vulnerable in that way.
And they don't make you feel vulnerable in that way
because you're not into them like that
you don't have that connection with them.
So, you're going to settle for that because it feels safe
but that's going to be the wrong choice,
the wrong person.
So, you're guaranteed to have an unhealthy,
that's not going to last in the long-term.
And it's not going to be fulfilling at all
not to mention you now
risk damaging someone else
because you're dragging them into your
web of unhealthiness and lack of healing
and that creates another cycle
with them and who they move on to.
It's just a huge freaking mess.
So listen, if a man pulls away from you
and you are hurt heal.
Heal focus on resolving that properly.
Now the things I mentioned one to four
are going to help you with that
or help make sure you stay on the right track
so that you can focus on healing
rather than coping.
Coping does not cure anything
it just shows you how to manage it in the moment
but it's just, it's just something
that's waiting to explode any day.
You're going to get triggered and it's going to all come out.
Don't set yourself up for that kind of disaster.
Heal do what's necessary if you need help with healing
check out the book love after heartbreak
but again you've got to heal.
Now I’m just going to be real with you.
I looked at this topic and I said,
this is not healthy this isn't the right way to do things.
Listen, there are some things
that psychologically you can do to
"make him miss you"
but what you got to ask yourself is if
you have to go through all of that
are you even with the right guy?
What you should have to do
if you feel like your man is neglecting you
or doesn't seem like he misses you
is simply talk to him.
When you engage in these tips and tricks
to make him miss you,
you are creating a more dysfunctional
environment in your relationship.
So, for example,
one tip that floats around is
don't say to him that you miss him
or pull back on your communication.
But let me explain something to you
if you're dealing with the wrong guy
number one it may not even faze him.
So, you might pull back communication,
you might not tell him you miss him
and he doesn't care.
And now you become infuriated
and consumed with trying to get his attention,
trying to be validated by this man
who doesn't even belong in your life.
So, now you've played yourself
because you're trying to get someone to react
who doesn't give a damn about you,
but let's just say he actually does care about you
and life got the best of him
and he has lost sight of what you need.
And the attention that he's not giving you.
Well, when you pull back that communication
now he starts to think you don't love him
you don't care about him anymore.
Now, he may react in dysfunction
to your dysfunctional reaction.
And that's not to insult you
but I got to call it what it is
we can't play these games and think we're
going to get a positive result from it.
It's only going to create
more chaos and confusion.
So, the best approach always
is to talk to the man
because if he truly loves you,
if he truly cares about you,
then you simply making it known
that you don't feel valued,
you don't feel missed, you feel neglected
will get his attention and
cause him to want to do better.
Whereas if he doesn't care about you
he will expose himself in that conversation.
But I feel the need to tell you that
listen, you've got to be real honest with yourself
because some of you have seen the red flags,
some of you have seen that man
does not care enough about you
or isn't fully invested in you.
You've already said it to him
you've already shouted it from the rooftops
and he still has changed nothing
why are you still there?
Why are you looking for videos on how to make him miss you?
the answer is right in front of your face?
He's not for you
and you got to stop beating the dead horse
and think you're going to make this thing change or
make him want you more.
Yes, you may get him to want you more
in the moment,
but if he's not truly into you, it's not sustainable.
So, what are you going to do you're going to
all the time look to play a certain game
push a certain button
whenever you don't feel like you're getting
the love from him that you deserve?
No, if talking to him is not enough
that means he needs to be removed from your life.
And you should not have to engage
in this tit for tat
and all this little playing of games and mental games
just to get him to show you more love and attention.
You got to recognize when you're
dealing with the wrong person
or when you're dealing with the right guy
who simply needs to
be reminded of what you need
because it can happen.
Life can get the best of someone
and sometimes people don't realize
how they've fallen off in certain ways,
but again, all it takes is an
honest transparent conversation.
But let me also say this before we wrap this up,
if you really want him to miss you
and he's the right guy for you
make sure that you not only make it known to him,
but that you pour more love into that man.
Listen, you're not going to get love and positive energy
by pouring negativity into the situation.
You've got to up your game
because in being caught up in how you feel
you may not be realizing that you're neglecting him too
that you're not giving him what he needs in certain areas.
So, be sure that when you come to that conversation
don't just make it about what you feel is lacking
that he's not doing for you,
but open yourself up to hearing what
he has to say about your behavior
or what you may be neglecting.
And when you can do that
and both of you guys can get on the same page
now you can have a healthy resolution to this issue
and truly get what you both deserve.
So, I hope that helps
and I’m sorry if you were looking for more specific tips,
but I don't want you engaging in unhealthy behavior.
I want you to go about this the best way possible
to get the best results
and to only entertain and deal with
someone who is truly best for you.
So, today's video is
three reasons why you should not
let him chase you.
Now, I want to hear your opinion in the in the poll,
but I’m going to explain to you why
this is actually a huge mistake on your end.
Now, I have a video for men
on three reasons why they should not chase a woman
from the male perspective of why it's not good for them.
This video is specifically why
it's not good for you, all right.
Because you hear a lot of women saying
oh you got to let the man chase you,
you got to find a man who loves you more than you love him.
There's videos all over YouTube about
let him chase you,
get him to chase you all these things.
Listen, this is a huge, huge mistake.
So, I’m going to lay out the three reasons,
but I need you to listen to the very end
because after I give you the three reasons
I’m going to explain something very important to you
so that you need to understand about
this whole letting him chase you dynamic,
very important so listen to the end.
Anyways, number one reason
why you should not let him chase you
because typically if he chases you
it's infatuation not love.
Here's what I have found
in all my years of doing this
and examining so many scenarios
and so many relationships.
When men are willing to chase
they are typically locked into the fantasy, the hype,
the infatuation they have towards this woman.
Now, I’m not going to sit here and say
no man who has ever chased
did not love a woman.
I’m not saying that is not possible,
what I am saying is that in most situations
infatuation is the true driver of that situation.
And so, if it's not really about genuine love
then we're already setting the bar or the
wrong foundation for this relationship
because here's the reality,
most men and I would say this,
this changes some as the man gets older.
As a man gets older he's been through more things
he may have been hurt before,
chasing a woman
can become very hurtful.
Trying to show and prove your love to someone
who is making you jump through hoops,
who has walls up,
who is resisting your desire to
express this to her or to embrace you
wanting to be with her in any kind of way
that is really going to hurt.
It's going to cause a problem for that guy
and so, I always say it's easier for a man to chase love,
I mean to chase lust than it is to chase love.
And I’m simply saying that in lust
you don't feel the pain as much
her resistance doesn't hit down
deep in your spirit the same.
You're so locked into what you want
what you desire on the surface
that you see it almost as a game, a conquest,
again, you're just not as deterred
because lust doesn't bring out the vulnerability.
When you are loving this woman,
when they are truly into you, and truly desire you
and there's love that's driving them,
now your resistance hurts
because they're vulnerable.
Consider like essentially it's almost like
their heart is on the outside of their chest.
They're more exposed so now any resistance
anything that goes against them
trying to love you will hurt them.
Whereas if they're in lust in infatuation
they can deal with it.
So, what happens with a lot of women is
you start to think sometimes
that the guy who chases,
the guy who won't quit coming after you
actually loves you, he doesn't.
He's just infatuated,
he's just locked into what he wants,
and again, I’m not saying
that a man can love a woman in that dynamic.
I’m telling you in the vast majority of situations
that's not what's going on.
It may be presented as love
some people may fall for it
and think it's love,
but it's actually infatuation, obsession,
other unhealthy things.
And so, I’ve seen scenarios where one guy
will keep chasing
who was infatuated the other guy
who was actually in love with that woman
but again he doesn't fall back
because he doesn't truly want you,
he doesn't fall back because
he doesn't have genuine intentions for you.
He falls back because he cannot take the resistance.
He can't deal with the fact that he loves this woman
who is not embracing him,
but again women, many will fall for
the idea that the one who chases
loves them more, that's not true,
that's not true.
So, you do not want a man to chase you
that's an unhealthy thing,
but that brings me to the number two reason why
you don't want a man or you don't want to let him chase you.
Because then you can pour insecurity
and toxic energy into that relationship.
So, what I mean by that is this.
Once again, if the man has genuine intentions
truly loves you and now you make him chase
you will increase the chances of
that man becoming insecure with you,
you will increase the chances of that man
going to his feminine energy
I don't want you guys
to automatically think I’m saying
being clingy and needy is feminine.
So, let me rephrase that,
but he will go away from his masculine energy.
That's a better way to say it right now,
he will go away more from his masculine energy,
that energy that you may have been attracted to initially
will start to dissipate
because he now feels more insecure.
Because he's put in a position where
he has to chase and if he has a chase
that means he's not sure you even want him,
he's not sure you're serious about him,
he's not sure that you're not just trying to play him.
So, now his insecurity gets the best of him.
And what I’ve seen in many situations
is the man who chases
will now lash out, all right.
But he's not lashing out
because he doesn't genuinely care,
he's lashing out of hurt and frustration.
And so, now the whole situation goes left
but it was set on that path
because you created this dynamic of him having to chase
rather than a mutually building relationship.
Where both parties are putting forth
effort, showing desire,
trying to build something amazing together, which is the key
to a successful relationship.
Without that, you are headed
for a lot of disaster.
by letting him chase you
or making him chase you,
you run a lot of risk
of pouring insecurity,
negative energy into the situation,
and now number three.
When you let him or make him chase you
many times, he will switch up on you.
So, here's the problem,
once again, remember what I said
the guy who continuously chases
many times is infatuated, all right
or obsessed and so his mindset is
I’m going to do everything it takes
to get you because I want you so bad
but once I got you
now it's your turn.
Now, he turns the tables.
Now he's not putting in the same effort,
he's not showing you the great guy
he showed you for x amount of months
because it was never about
a healthy successful relationship.
He was simply locked in on getting you
and once he got you,
he thinks it's his turn to reap the benefits.
If you start the relationship one-sided
where he's chasing you
he will now flip it on you
to where you find yourself chasing him.
Where you find yourself doing more than him
now, you are burdened
with carrying the relationship
because he feels well I carried it to this point
now it's your damn turn.
You see it's a very unhealthy,
It typically does not work.
Again, I will repeat
am I saying that it's never worked out?
No, there are always exceptions to the rule
but the vast majority of situations
will not turn out well in your favor
if you go into it with the mindset of chasing.
You will risk losing the right guys.
You will risk getting caught up with the wrong guys.
You will risk finding yourself in situations
where again he switches up on you.
You will risk the toxic energy and the
insecurity that's poured into the situation.
This is not in your best interest.
Always focus on
mutually beneficial relationship,
mutual effort, mutual building together,
that is the key.
But remember in the beginning I said to you
listen to the end
because I want you to understand something
very important about this chasing thing.
When you make him chase you, all right,
you got to ask yourself why.
Why are you doing this because let me
paint this picture real quick.
Let's say there's a celebrity and I'm just going
to use a random one that I hear about a lot
let's say Idris Elba.
Now, I know he's married
so no disrespect to his situation,
but let's just say he was a single man
and let's say you are someone
who reveres him,
who loves you some Idris Elba, right.
If this man came to you,
showed up at your doorstep
or whatever and say hey, I saw you,
I want to be with you
I want to get to know you let's make this work.
You're not going to make Idris Elba chase you
you're going to latch on for dear life.
You're going to see this opportunity like, oh my Gosh,
thank goodness, thank God
I cannot let this slip out of my hands.
So, the reality is this
when you let a man chase you
ask yourself are you really that interested in him?
What's really going on?
Because if you had true strong desire
the reality is this,
for a woman when you really like a man
when you're really into him
you have to talk yourself out of doing too much.
You got to look at yourself in the mirror
and give yourself a pep talk
not to do too much.
You have to try to hold back
because you don't want to come across
too strong or whatever.
So, when you can sit back
and let someone chase you
or play a game to get him to chase you
then you have to ask yourself,
how interested are you in him?
How much do you really desire him?
And if it's really not that strong,
if you're really not into him like that,
why would you even try
to have a relationship with him?
That's already a setup for disaster,
but there's more
because sometimes it's not a lack of interest,
it's not a lack of desire.
The other reason you got to ask yourself
as to why you want this man to chase you
is have you healed?
The reality for so many women
is that you have been hurt,
you have been let down,
and now you have walls up.
And so, now your inability or your struggle
to embrace the whole mutual building,
the mutual effort is a symptom of what
you haven't healed from in your past.
And so, now your guardedness says he
must show me and prove to me first
that he is worthy of me letting my
wall down, but here's a news flash,
when you haven't healed
he can never reach that level of worthiness.
He will never be good enough in your eyes
because even when he does everything
right the minute he does anything wrong,
and you're going to be like oh, there we go
I knew it he's just like the rest like,
the walls will be reactivated
and you're back behind them.
Back to being guarded, back to validating your hurt
and that's a problem.
That's a battle he can't win
you have to heal yourself
you got to make sure
you're not carrying past baggage
into these new situations.
I would argue
that if you are healed
and you are truly interested
and really into this man,
you won't even think
about trying to get him to chase you.
You won't even consider that for a second
because you will be too busy
trying to embrace the moment,
thanking God, looking at the opportunity in front of you
and running with it.
You're not going to try to play no games.
You're not going to try to do all these little tips and tricks.
No, you're going to put in your mutual effort.
So, always ask yourself
why am I even trying to make a man chase me?
You got to do your part
and when you do, you will get what's best for you
and you will have healthier relationships
and greater success in that area.
So, again listen,
I hope this was helpful to you
always remember everything I say to you
is with love and the desire to help you
not to judge you, not to make you feel bad.
It's to help you see the things I believe you need to see
is to trust that what my spirit is telling me
I need to say to you is being said.
Hey, thank you for watching this video
be sure to check this one out right here
and I’ll see you there.
So, when a man says let's go with the flow
when he oh, we don't need any titles,
anything that's very non-committal
or doesn't present a vision for where we are
trying to go with this is a man you should not...