How to STOP Being Shy and Awkward (FOREVER)

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hey everyone i am peter from top think

and today we're going to learn how to

stop being shy and awkward now let's

begin number one don't apologize

whether you're reserved timid or just

painfully awkward the first thing you

need to know is that there is nothing

wrong with you i can't tell you how

often I've heard quiet people

apologizing or making excuses for their

own shyness they end up feeling so

guilty about missing chances to get out

of their comfort zone that they drive

themselves crazy each time they miss out

on one of these opportunities the

pressure and fear begins to build until

eventually things that only seemed a

little bit uncomfortable will cause them

so much anxiety that they can't do them

at all it might feel like you're the

only one in the room who's struggling

with this intense pressure but you

couldn't be more wrong in fact nearly

everyone struggles with these same

anxieties at some point but with enough

practice they learn how to avoid letting

them affect their behavior it is true

that some people struggle more than

others but having social anxiety doesn't

make you any worse than anyone else you

have nothing to apologize for and

nothing to feel guilty about because at

the end of the day the only person

you're affecting is you number two avoid

definitions when you've struggled with

social anxiety or awkwardness for long

enough you've probably started labeling

yourself as a shy person you might have

even told someone I'm just like that or

I can't help it but most of the time

neither of these things are true

imagine you decide to go to a concert to

meet new people thinking you'll make

some friends with similar interests

after the concert ends you're standing

in line to get some food when you hear a

couple guys behind you talking about how

much they liked the band you know

everything there is to know about this

band so you could easily jump into the

conversation a 10

moment but you never actually open your


the next day you meet up with an old

friend and you don't hesitate to tell

them everything about the concert and

the missed opportunity at the end you

rant for 20 minutes about all the cool

things you could have said to those guys

until your friend asks why didn't you

just go for it

and you respond I don't know I guess I'm

just a shy person if you were actually a

shy person would you have instantly come

alive when talking to your friend my

point is that you shouldn't use words

like shy or awkward to sum up your

entire personality because there are

plenty of times when you're the exact

opposite around your family for example

you might be talkative energetic and

goofy despite struggling to save two

words when you're out in public when you

label yourself as shy like that your

pigeonholing your entire personality so

next time you run into this situation

say I was just being awkward yesterday

by changing your phrasing you can avoid

living up to any of the negative

expectations you create for yourself

number three focus on them when you're

trying to summon the courage to step

outside your comfort zone what kind of

things are you thinking about are you

searching for an entertaining story to

tell or maybe a talent to show off you

might think the best way to be outgoing

is to prove your worth looking at and

listening to but is that actually how we

connect with people even if you did

impress everyone in the room what would

you actually gain from that the truth is

that you might be looking at these

social interactions all wrong instead of

investing so much energy into making

people like you you should be focusing

on how you can show others that you like

them don't make the mistake of thinking

you have to step into the spotlight to

escape your shyness people generally

love to talk about themselves so you can

and should use that to your advantage if

you laugh at their jokes and ask a lot

of questions you'll make a great first

impression without having to become the

center of attention number four avoid


while making comparisons is generally

unhealthy no matter what you're trying

to improve on it's especially

detrimental for people who struggle to

come out of their shell comparing

yourself to someone who is more

extroverted or less socially awkward can

lead to unnecessary stress anxiety and

most importantly low self-esteem for

many people who struggle with shyness

low self-esteem is one of the biggest

reasons why they have trouble

interacting with others it cripples your

confidence causes self-doubt and stops

you from ever coming out of your comfort

zone so if you want to overcome your

shyness you should first work on

building your self-esteem by learning to

trust and take pride in yourself number

five make lists say you got invited to a

social event for a new job all of your

co-workers are going to be there so

you're excited to try to get to know

them better when you get there you see a

group of people talking and laughing so

you think about joining in but then you

start worrying about all the things that

could go wrong they might not remember

your name they may be laughing at you

behind your back

or maybe they just don't like you with

all of these possibilities swirling

through you you end up being too scared

to even try so how can you stop this

from happening an efficient way to

mitigate this kind of anxiety is to make

a list whether you write it on a scrap

of paper or in your phone it's important

that you give your list some sort of

physical form there you should write

down all the negative outcomes that

you're worried about by simply

organizing your fears many of these

situations won't seem nearly as

intimidating especially because you can

plan ahead to avoid bringing them to

life number six

repetition people who struggle with

shyness tend to make the same common

mistakes they see a great opportunity to

socialize but end up talking themselves

out of it they feel terrible about

passing up on the opportunity and

ultimately convince themselves that it

was the only chance they'd ever had

but like most forms of self-improvement

overcoming shyness isn't about making

one big bold statement it's about taking

small consistent steps forward so you

have to keep creating opportunities to

be social no matter how uncomfortable

they make you number seven bring a

friend if you don't want to throw

yourself into the deep end you can make

it easier to socialize by bringing a

friend with you

even if they're standing on the other

side of the room simply seeing a

familiar face can easier nerves and

motivate you to keep pushing if your

friend is more outgoing than you are you

can also use them to work your way into

conversations once they've started

talking to someone use your friend as an

excuse to join in eventually your friend

might get a drink or go to the bathroom

giving you the opportunity to try to

lead the conversation while all of this

can be very helpful there is one

downside to bringing an outgoing friend

along people who struggle with shyness

tend to use their extroverted friends as

social shields while it might seem

easier to simply hide behind your friend

wherever you go it's actually hurting

you in the long run by making you more

insecure and codependent number eight

control your environment if you don't

have an outgoing friend to bring along

you can also relax your nerves by

socializing in places you're already

familiar with when meeting new people

you've got enough to worry about without

adding the environment into the mix if

you do you'll end up wasting hours

simply trying to feel comfortable in

this new space instead find an

environment where you know you can feel

at ease and learn how to be extroverted

there believe it or not this is the same

strategy that all kinds of entertainers

and politicians use to perform or

deliver a speech in front of a large

audience they become incredibly familiar

with a particular location whether it's

on stage or in front of a podium and are

great socialites when they're in that

specific environment even if they'd be

shy and awkward everywhere else

number nine body language powerful body

language can make all the difference

when you're learning to overcome your

shyness because even if you can't

control how awkward you are you can

control how awkward you look things like

standing up straight on crossing your

arms and legs and making eye contact

we'll all help other people feel more

comfortable around you which in turn

helps you feel more comfortable around

them but shouldn't your body language

match the way you're feeling not

necessarily because you can actually use

powerful body language to fool yourself

into acting more confident when you look

approachable and secure other people

will treat you that way so your behavior

will naturally rise to meet their


number 10 teach others this strategy

sounds a bit counterintuitive but

teaching others how to overcome their

shyness can really help you deal with

your own you might be one of those

people who has read every article and

watched every video but still can't seem

to make any progress even if you know

exactly what you're doing wrong you just

can't escape the same awkward behaviors

but as the old adage goes those who

can't do teach you may have tried this

technique the last time you were

studying for a test because many people

find that they understand information

better when they have to explain it to

someone else

teaching forces you to make connections

and answer questions you may not have

ever thought to ask by helping someone

else make progress you also get to see

your own advice in action which can give

you the confidence to do it yourself

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