Matt: So I got a question from a guy recently on how to deal with shy girls. So in this
video I want to talk about how to flirt with, connect with, and escalate on a shy
girl. Because I mean how do you know if she's not into you or just really really
shy? And what the heck do you do if she doesn't talk much?
My name is Matt Artisan from The Attractive Man and i'm going to teach
you how to connect with shy girls.
Anchor: He has mastered the art of seduction.
Narrator: Many boot camps encourage men to be assertive.
Matt: We've done all the testing we know what works.
Matt: The shy girl typically shows hesitation to engage in the interaction.
Which means it's gonna be a little bit of a bumpy ride trying to get her to
talk. Let alone give out her number to you, or go on a date. Not to worry though,
we'll solve that soon enough. Many shy girls actually create barriers
to keep men out of their life, and there are plenty of reasons for this
broken family, feeling insecure or lack of safety, low self-esteem, and even
culture. For example, in Asia, it's very uncommon for a man to approach a girl on
the streets, and oftentimes the woman will look at you like you're crazy and
be really really shy. I remember feeling like I was getting rejected a few times
when I was in the Philippines, and I know like online it's super super easy I know
you know the girls typically like me. Not to sound like I have an inflated
ego or anything, but it wasn't normal that I was getting this many rejections.
So I decided to be a little bit more persistent than I normally would, and I
got the girl's phone number even though she was looking at me like I was a
serial killer or something like that, just like, wanting to get away from the
situation. But I got her phone number and she text me something like "Oh, I'm so
sorry, I was so nervous, you know you're so handsome."
What the heck? Here's a quick checklist to let you know if you're dealing with a
shy girl - She barely maintains eye contact and keeps staring down at the
ground, crosses her arms and keeps fiddling with her fingers, very soft
almost inaudible voice when talking, *voice too soft for captions* prefers to speak in shorter sentences,
and is close ended most of the time. "What do you like to do for fun?" Jen: "Shopping."
Matt: So we're gonna have to break these barriers, but don't worry because mastering the art of
connection can get even the most shyest girl to open up, and you only really have
to keep three simple things in mind. But before I get to those things, make sure
to subscribe to this channel. If you're not already subscribed, hit that
subscribe button because I got a lot of cool videos and I don't want you to miss
them. Number one, match her energy. But you've got to do it the right way.
Mirroring is a powerful neuro linguistic programming tool to establish rapport
with a stranger. You see people tend to trust and feel
more comfortable around other people that are more like them. When you mirror
a person's energy, body language, words that they're using, facial
expressions, etc. it can create a very powerful connection but be careful doing
this with a shy girl you don't want to start mimicking her beta and submissive
body language and start acting all timid and shy, because that will seem nervous
which is not very attractive. However if you approach her as a loud high-energy
alpha it will probably scare her. The key is to match her energy and shy girls are
usually pretty low energy so you may have to crank it down a notch or two.
Even if you're at a high energy club but you approach a shy girl, lower your
energy a little bit at first to make her feel comfortable and then slowly bring
your energy back up which will lead her into a more fun, outgoing state. Tip
number two, be comfortable. You need to be totally at ease with yourself and with
her even though she might be acting a little bit strange. Most guys get nervous
around shy girls because they're not sure if the girl is interested in them
or not and then they start second-guessing themselves. Instead just
have fun and start talking, and don't be worried if she's not responding much
don't let any of that affect you. Now I've spent a lot of time in Asia where
there's a lot of shy girls, and so I go into the date with this attitude of I'm
gonna have fun no matter what even if she's really shy and kind of boring and
not contributing much I'm still gonna have a good time, I'm still gonna talk
and do things that I enjoy and I like to warm up before dates to get myself into
a social state just in case I have to do most of the talking and so I might get
to the venue a little bit early if it's a bar, just start talking to people in
the bar, to warm up or if it's during the day I might walk through the park a
little bit early and just make comments and ask questions to people around me
just to get my social juices flowing. And be okay with silence. Don't make it
awkward. She might just be taking her time to open up, so keep smiling and be
comfortable with a little bit longer than usual moments of silence. Here's a
few tips to help: Keep a friendly and warm smile and cheerful demeanor, the
less threatening you are, the better. But remember to keep a confident tone to
your voice and body movements. Maintain some distance when you first speak to
her, you want her to feel safe, so limit the
physical contact at first. You can start by reaching out and shaking her hand
after a good introduction. Tip number three, shy girls talk way less than
outgoing girls. So you'll probably have to take on the conversational burden and
talk more than her. It's actually okay to just start talking about yourself. You
can ask her questions, but if that doesn't work just start talking about
yourself. This will get things going and at least keep things interesting. But
remember to give her a chance to talk, too, if she wants. Feel free to share whatever
you want with her, including your life story. This will help her get to know you
and make her feel more comfortable with you and eventually she'll start to open
up. Well, hopefully. If I'm on a date with a shy girl one thing I like to do is
show her pictures on my phone because that way it creates more conversation, I
don't have to think of things to say, I just show her the pictures that turns
into conversation, hopefully. And I'm sitting next to her when I do that, in
fact I'll move next to her to show her the pictures which creates more physical
intimacy, plus she gets to know me better through the pictures and seeing my
lifestyle. And if she feels comfortable sitting close to you, that's a huge step
in escalating the interaction. I even like to use pictures as a way to
escalate sexually - "This is also in Japan this is the penis festival that they do
every year with a giant phallic statues." Now always give her an opportunity to
speak and open up by asking her open-ended questions. Simple ones that
she doesn't have to use too much mental energy to think of the answers, like
"What's your favorite thing to do for fun?" or "Do you have any brothers and sisters?"
Jen: "Yes." Matt: "Really? Tell me about them." Once she's opened up a bit it's time to escalate. I
recommend starting slow and just see how she reacts. Joke around with her and
gently touch her, you'll see whether or not she reacts positively to this and
you'll know she's comfortable with that. Now if she reacts negatively it's best
to just lay back for a little while and maybe escalate again later after you've
established a little bit more rapport. If it's positive then just keep slowly
working your way up maybe you put your hand on her lower back as you're
escorting her through the door or maybe you tickle her and see how she reacts to
that, just don't be creepy here. You want to be assertive, but remain a gentleman.
It often only takes one creepy mistake like cracking a sexual joke way too
early, or rubbing her leg with your hand, something like that,
to totally turn off a shy girl. If she's being receptive, then it means she's
allowing you to breach her defenses. Shy girls just tend to need a little bit
more time to warm up so don't give up. All you need to do is take it slow one
step at a time. If you want to learn more about how to escalate with shy girls, or
really any girl, I created a free Escalation Cheat Sheet that lists some
of my best ways to spark sexual attraction, turn a girl on, and escalate
all the way to the bedroom. It's filled with advanced escalation techniques that
will turn a platonic friendly vibe into a more sexual "I want to rip your clothes
off!" vibe. This is very useful when you're talking to girls and it's going nowhere.
Click the image in the bottom right of the screen right now to download your
free Escalation Cheat Sheet. There's also a link down in the description. Get it,
because you'll want to keep it handy before you go out. And if you're not
already subscribed, hit that subscribe button. And if you want us to work with
you in field make sure to check out our bootcamp schedule. My name is Matt
Artisan from The Attractive Man and I'll see you in the next video.